What The Hell, Doc??

It’s that time!!  Link up with the ladies over at Blue Monkey Butt for What the Hell Wednesday!

 

So, I went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday only because I needed my refill on my water pill.  God knows I don’t want to blow up like some damn balloon! 

He asked how I was feeling.  I told him “like shit”.  He was surprised.  Really??  Doc, you’re surprised that I still have all the same complaints when you haven’t fixed them in the past??  What’s so surprising about that? 

He asked what “we” have done about the complaints.  I say,”nothing”.  He says, “verrrry interessssting”.  Yeah, isn’t it?? 

WHAT THE HELL?

He asked if “we” have done a sleep study.  I say, “yes, and you said I was fine.”  He starts flipping back through my chart that is now several inches thick and stops at the sleep study results.  He starts reading off all this mumbo-jumbo crap and then says, “well, you are borderline….”  WHAT???  I was FINE when the study was done!!  Basically he says I’m not bad enough with sleep apnea to have to wear that machine that would make me look like an elephant.  (Oh so attractive and quite a turn on that would be for my spouse)

We talk about my pain issues.  Yes, I have pain.  Where?  Just about everywhere.  Again…”verrry interessssting”.  Honestly, if he says this one more time I’m going to go postal!!

I tell him I need a refill on my water pill.  I tell him I need something for pain.  I tell him I’m losing my mind.  I tell him about my leaking brain.  I tell him about the crackling sound in my ear especially when I’m using my stethescope.

He says the “leaking brain” is most likely sinuses.  He says the only thing that will help that is….now get this….CLARITIN!!  Now, in the past he has told me not to take Claritin D every day because of the pseudoephedrine in it.  Now he tells  me it will help.  I tell him….I STILL TAKE CLARITIN D EVERY DAY!!  He’s surprised that I didn’t listen to him when he said not to.  He asks why I take it.  I tell him if I don’t then I can’t get up in the morning.  He says, “that’s not good”.  Really???

WHAT THE HELL??

I KNOW that’s not good.  I KNOW that’s not normal.  Damn it!!  So why won’t he figure it out already???

He orders blood work.  I tell him I’ve been taking a multivitamin and also 2000 iu of Vitamin D.  He asks why so much Vitamin D.  I say, “because my sister is deficient so I was helping her out.”  He gives me a dumbass look like I’m out of my fucking mind or something.  What??  I’m always there for my sis!!

One of the blood tests he orders is a serum level of “myoglobin”.  Being a nurse you’d think I might have heard of this blood test.  Nope.  It’s not something that I’ve seen drawn before.  Because I have a need-to-know personality, I look it up.  Apparently, if you’ve have a heart attack recently this “myoglobin” will be elevated so many hours afterwards……

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL??  Now I’m worried.  Have I had chest pain??  Does he think I’m ready to have a heart attack so he wants a baseline? 

Actually, after reading further, the myoglobin level can also tell you if there is any type of muscle disease going on.  Hey, that makes sense!  Pain and muscle weakness….check myoglobin.  Ok…got it.

Now…back to the pain issue.  I’m supposed to take one Alleve and two Tylenol before bed.  Ok…I tell him I already take two Tylenol Arthritis before bed.  He says to just add the one Alleve.  I can do that.  For three weeks.  My sis says Alleve makes her swell so I’m a little worried since whatever happens to her happens to me too, but I will give it a try.  If this doesn’t work, then I switch to a prescription med for nerve pain.  I’m starting to feel like an old person.

He hands me my script for the blood work and tells me to come back in 3 months.  (yep, definitely old person scheduling).  He says, “anything else?”  I say….ummmm….my script for the water pill??  And the script for the nerve pill if you want me to try it in 3 weeks??  “ohhhhh yessss!  of course!” 

How can he forget these things when we just talked about them?  This makes me so nervous! 

I then bring up the weight gain issue again.  I explain that I have been eating the right things, I have been dancing my ass off with Just Dance for the Wii, I’ve been drinking more water….and on and on and on.  He says, “verrrry interesssting….”

Holy Fucking WHAT the HELL??

Alrighty, Doc….Alleve it is.  Deal with the weight gain.  No magic pill for me.