Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What I Meant To Say-But Didn’t

It’s time to link up and play!!  What I Meant To Say Wednesday!!

Ohhh….wait!!  My bad!!  Nobody is hosting WIMTS Wednesdays anymore.  Well, I say…”WHAAAAT?”


Ah, who the hell cares, I’m playing anyways and I’ll be happy to play by myself!  You can click the button below, but you will go no-where. 


First of all, my current babysitter is wanting to NOT be the babysitter anymore.  It’s ok….I can handle this, right?  It’s not like we just fired our prior sitter a few short months ago or anything crazy like that.  Certainly the spouse can pull another sitter out of his ass we can figure this out…..


We have visited two daycares…..the first one, Kindercare, was very organized, clean, the staff were pleasant, the kids were somewhat quiet…..the curriculum (yes, there is a curriculum in daycare, I did not know this) sounded fun for each age group, and the cost??  Well, the cost was equal to our fucking mortgage!!  Yes, that would be the mortgage that we currently are past due on…..

So, when the director called and asked if I had made up my mind yet, and what was I waiting for I said, “Um….”  when what I meant to say was:

“You are fucking out of your mind!  $430 a week is more than my mortgage if you figure it out for the month!  Who makes this kind of money??  Have I won the lottery?  No…not the last I checked, so Yeah…not sure my poor children will be mingling with the hoity toity babies you have there at your daycare/preschool.  I’m going to continue to raise them like the hoodlums they are my way…you know, no fucking structure, hitting each other, yelling fucking obscenities at the neighbors….Huh?  what??  No, of course I don’t know where they have picked up their potty mouths from you crazy-ass bitch with your 8 karat diamond wedding ring!!  Thank you, and have a nice day.”

The second daycare was a local one.  Not a big chain.  We visited in the afternoon and it must have been “freetime” outside because what we observed was similar to this:

The one nice girl said, “We like to let them express themselves…”  I said…”Oh…..”  What I meant to say is, “You DO bathe them afterwards, yes??”

The children inside were securely monitored, so I didn’t see a problem there….



I also noticed a couple of the little ones playing house…..



Sweet, huh?

I asked the assistant director what happens to the bad kids…you know, the one’s that hit, or bite, or draw on the walls…??  I was shown this room:



Okay, okay…..this isn’t all true, but I swear, through the eyes of a mother who is scared to death to let go and let someone else watch her babies….THIS is how ALL daycares LOOK!!

So, do I work a couple more shifts on the weekends so that I can afford a second mortgage Kindercare?? 

Do I quit my job and lose my house and all my assets forcing the fam to become homeless become a stay at home Mom?? 

I haven’t done anything at this point.  I carry the enrollment paperwork with me everywhere I go thinking I might actually fill it out and allow my kids to be watched by some person I don’t know….who may not remember that my little Lilli has a milk protein allergy, and may not understand when Lilli does a slight pee-pee dance that means she really has to pee and they have like 3 seconds to get her there….or when my Little 2 1/2 year old Man says, “ahhhhh, Dammit!!”, he means “ahhhhh Dammit!!” and they better get the fuck out of his way….

It’s scary…

Raising three kids-a teen with ADD and two toddlers…it’s taken it’s toll on me.  My entire body hurts, my brain is fried…..I am fatter than I’ve ever been in my entire life (not-pregnant).  I hardly get any sleep.  Need I go on??

This past week I checked my teen’s progress book for her assignments and grades.  Grades aren’t horrible.  Missing assignments???  Yeah, there was plenty!! 

What I said, “Umm….dear Teen, I thought you said your homework was done…?”

What I meant to say, “WTF Teenager???”

I have to step back a bit and remember she has ADD.  Yes….this is true.  What I don’t get is that when I asked her if her homework was done, she said yes.  Then it came up “missing”.  Then she doesn’t remember if she did it or not.  And if she remembers that she did it, she doesn’t remember if she turned it in.  And if she remembers she did it AND turned it in, she doesn’t know if her name was on it.


I have ONE question for her at the moment…..


I emailed all her teachers.  I explained her ADD and how I’ve never involved the school up until now.  Now she is in 8th grade, and if she can’t get it together without assistance, well, we are just gonna have to suck the system dry get her the help she deserves.

This is all so stressful.  I spend way too much time with her trying to keep her on track, and then the toddlers are lacking the attention they deserve. 

I just want a break.

I just need to take a few steps back and think.

I need to remember the reason I’m here, and also remember that my wonderful children did not ASK to be here.


Basically, I’m burning the candle at both ends, and I’m pretty damn close to losing my mind, and this is why I just laughed at the spouse when he came in from taking the sweet little Cali out to pee and I asked if she went. 

Spouse; “Um no, she dragged me back inside, why?”

Me:  “Cuz”

cali pee

That would be my rug, people….

…and this would be the spouse looking at the sweet Cali in such a threatening way…..

Sept 2010 045

And this would be the sweet Cali…..

Sept 2010 048

See how she pays attention when spoken to??

This crazy-ass puppy has the spouse wrapped around her little paw.  Seriously, he’s the one that LET her drag him back in!!  I sit out there and make sure she pees or does some sort of bodily function before I let her back in.  This doesn’t mean she hasn’t peed in the house on MY watch, but when it happens to the spouse…well, it’s just hysterical.

So, this morning when I had Cali outside for 15 minutes waiting for her to take a dump, and she didn’t….I brought her back in, locked her in the kitchen WITH me while I did the dishes so I knew she would not dump elsewhere in the house (I’m so smart)….when I turned around and saw this:



What COULD I say????

I took the fucker outside, despite the sweet shit-sentiment and she ignored me….I mean SERIOUSLY ignored me….




I just kept my mouth shut….but what I really meant to say was this:

“Hey Fucker!!  Yeah you with the big black nose, floppy ears, and razor-like teeth!!  Get a clue already!!  My house smells like puppy piss, I find my socks outside, the children’s toys are all chewed up, and the teen’s make-up comes up missing at least twice a day!!  You need to knock it the fuck off before I take your sweet puppy neck and give you the muther-clucking choke hold!!  Furthermore….if you think just because I’ve taught you how to give me a high five and I think it’s the cutest thing evahh, that doesn’t mean you have a permanant place in this house!  Only in my heart… sweet fucker……”

Yes, I would have caved in because she would have been looking at me horrified with those puppy eyes.

I’m such a wuss when it comes to animals….

Happy Wednesday everyone! 

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Post-It Note Tuesday,  my oh my how I love you!!  Come, play along if you would like!  Don’t forget to give That One Mom some luv!!



Bottom line….

….my life is a freakin mess!!!!  It’s one thing after another, and I can’t seem to get a handle on any of it!  I used to be able to Tweet away with my Tweeple, and now I’m lucky if I get to add 2 words to any of the conversations.  I used to have friends, and now I have the employees at Caribou Coffee that have to listen to all my problems.   I used to have a “buffer” in my checking account after paying all the bills, and now there isn’t enough cash to go around.  I used to take the time and give the spouse a hug and a kiss or a little touch here and there…now he’s so freakin deprived that I can’t even sneeze in front of him or he thinks he’s about to get lucky.  I used to have more patience with the little ones and now I am known to have thrown a wooden puzzle through the front door smashing the bottom glass to pieces. 

Yes, I’ve lost it.

I’m even doing things like THIS:


Aug 2010 738

I used to be nice.

So, today’s post-it notes are my way of apologizing for the time, patience, and money I do NOT have anymore.






Aug 2010 017


















You see, I had a patient who was referred to Hospice  because his visiting physician thought he was appropriate for Hospice care.  I said the man was NOT dying, he was taking too much Seroquel!!  They did not believe me.  Two months later Hospice has called me and they have given my patient back to me because….WHAT??  He’s not dying???  No way……




And to top it off, Hospice dropped him like a hot potato in the middle of a certification period leaving it impossible for the company I work for to put him on board and be able to bill for it.  I’ve been helping the man for 2 weeks, FREE OF CHARGE, and now they think I am at their beck and call!  Nope!!  No Can DO, Jimmy Choo!! 






















Sept 2010 056
















Apparently I am having financial issues…but hey, doesn’t everyone??  I’ve been dealt a pretty crappy hand many times.   Mr. Overthelimit  has one up on me for the moment.   Mr. Notapennyindabank thinks he’s gettin’ to second base, and I’m sure Mr. Zerobalance thinks he’ll come on over for a roll in the hay, but fuck ‘em all!!     I will survive! 

So, Mr. Overthelimit, this one’s for you and for all the assholes you call friends!  You will NOT win!!



Happy PINT, People!!!


Friday, September 17, 2010

The Biggest Tantrum-Evahhhh!

Thank the heavens above!!  It’s Friday Confessional with Glam over at her place…..feel free to link up if you’ve totally fucked up in the manners category had an incident or two that might need confessing….

Friday confessional

This week I should be congratulated as I only have ONE CONFESSION!  Oh yeah…’s a good one, but still, it’s only one.

I confess…..


I threw the biggest fucking Mommy Tantrum that I’ve ever thrown.  Sure, I’ve been ticked off at the kids before.  Of course I’ve yelled and swatted their little asses.  BUT….Oh Man…this was bad.

You see, I was home with the 2 little ones and I decided I was going to be productive.  That means not just taking care of them, but actually DOING something productive….not just laundry or washing dishes or keeping the house in order.  Oh no…I had to go BIG…I had to really dig deep to decide what to tackle.  YES!!  I had an idea!!!

The TEEN’s bedroom!!


Ok, ok….this is NOT my teen’s bedroom, but it is definitely comparable. 

So, I got a few boxes out and started tossing the stuff in there.  The little one’s were in the living room watching a movie. 

Or so I thought…..

I thought wrong.  They had taken a few of the boxes and they loaded them up with toys and books and THINGS that weren’t even considered toys!  Pots, pans…….utensils……pillows…..DVDs.  At one point I think Little Man was trying to stuff poor Cali (the puppy) into box.  Seriously….

I asked what they were doing and they said, “Cleaning, like you….”  Oh that’s just great.  Just lovely.  I told them that’s not how we clean, just because that’s how I was cleaning out Sissy’s room.  They are so smart….so what did they do?

They dumped the fucking boxes right there.  Everything in the middle of my living room.  You have no idea what that looks like until it’s been done.  I could feel the anger starting…..

I controlled it.  I told them to start putting it all back where they got it cuz God knows I had no fucking idea where half that crap came from.  They started….and I went back to my cleaning in the Teen’s room.  Then I hear a noise.  It sounded like a million toys being scattered all over creation.

Yes, it was a million toys being scattered all over creation….MY LIVING ROOM!

What the fuck???  ‘Are you kidding me here???  Ohhhh…..ok….trying to be calm…..

Thinking I can handle this, I start by SHOWING them how to clean it up.  I put some books away.  I put some toys away in a different spot because I don’t know their original spot…..I start gathering my pots and pans….I step on a fork…..

Seething…….I gather the utensils……

I step on a fucking block and wince…..

I break a nail on a damn Strawberry Shortcake car…..

I’m near the edge now….I cannot afford to get my  nails done this week.  Nope…not this week, nor next week….or probably ever again.

I stop Cali from eating a sandal that was somehow collected and thrown in the box…..


Manny gathers more shit and tosses it around…..

I kid you not….it was like a war between me, THE BOXES and the short people!!

I lost it.

I totally fucking lost my cool.  I started flinging things this way and that way and threatening that I was going to throw it all in the trash with their Sissy’s shit, and I was going to show them exactly what CLEAN MEANT!!  And I was going to beat the dog just because I could!  I was so out of control it was scary….

“I’m going to killlllllllll



Pause….deep breath…..then….

The puppy squats…..right in the middle of the fucking mess in my living room.  On the carpet that the spouse just cleaned last weekend.  She looks at me, I look at her……and she darts off quicker than I can…..

I see RED… blood has reached the boil-over point…..

I pick up the first thing I see…..a wooden puzzle.  And without giving it much thought, I throw that muther like there’s no tomorrow.

It hits the front door.

The front door is glass.

The glass shatters into a kazillion and one pieces.




Deafening silence.  Then she speaks……

Lil Lady, “Ohhh…..That. Is. Not. Good.”


No Shit, Lil!!!!


Fuck fuck fuck…..


It takes me forever to clean up the glass.  Trying to keep everyone out of the “ice”…..If I had to tell them one more time it was GLASS and not ICE, I may have decided to break another…..Of course, I had no idea what to do with the glass that was still IN the door…..

Just then a friend of mine stops over.  She’s shocked.  I’m shocked that she’s shocked.  Who wouldn’t lose it in that situation?  She helped me get the rest of the glass out of the door and we swept up the remainder…..

All better now.  We can all relax.  I spoke with my sis and we both decided that chucking something through a glass door is wayyyy cheaper than therapy.  The spouse disagreed.  He feels the benefit of a psychiatrist writing a script would be worth the money…..

Oh For Pete’s Sake!!!

I’m NOT psychotic!!!

So, my day was not going as planned.  I recall all that I said and did and feel a little remorse at some of what transpired.  I was sitting silently and hoping that the little ones didn’t absorb much of what I was saying when I was screaming my head off…..I’m sure they didn’t.  Yes,  I am sure they know I wouldn’t trash their toys, or beat the puppy, or kill them…..I’m certain of it…..

….my thoughts are interrupted by Lil Lady….

Lil Lady, “Mommmieeeee….Manny is TAKING and TAKING is NOT SHARING, and SHARING is CARING, so why does he take???”

Oh dear Lord……Serenity now…..serenity now……


Lil Lady….”Mom…..?”

Me….  “What….?”

Lil Lady…..”Can you kill Manny now since he’s TAKING and not SHARING or CARING?”

Oh dear God…..I’m going to hell.

Happy Weekend Everyone!!