Thursday, March 8, 2012

A Pile Of Appendages

The differences between boys and girls is way more than who’s got the balls. 

Seriously.  I have a fourteen year old daughter who was an angel as an infant, not too difficulty as a toddler, a lot of fun as a preschooler, a little trying as a grade-schooler……and now quite challenging as a young lady in high school.

My five year old daughter was just a little challenging as an infant because of her milk allergy, but as a toddler she was brilliant, and now as a preschooler she can probably manage our finances and schedules better than I can.

Now, my Little Man…he just turned FOUR yesterday……he was head-strong as an infant, giving up his bottle on his own before he turned a year old, not wanting to be cuddled before bed, but choosing to sleep in his car seat, climbing everything and anything, being my reason for having to baby-proof my home for the first time evahh.

It’s the Little Man that was the reason for me hollering,

“Do you want me to chop off your hands???”

“CHOP – CHOP!!!”

when I heard him ask his sister,

“Do you want me to flick you??  Do you???” 

Geez….where does he get this from? 

It was also the Little Man that had me asking,

“Shall I cut off your feet too???”

“CHOP – CHOP!!!”

when I saw him kick the dog.

(Trust me here, I did an image search on Google to find a pile of hands and feet to post, and what I got was a bit disturbing so I nixed that idea right away)

I am not proud of threatening to chop off the appendages of my littlest one.  No.  I am not proud.

I had to back track and figure out how to go about this in a not so violent way. 

I truly believe that kids learn some of their behaviors although boys tend to learn a lot of the ones that we wish they would ignore.  Girls tend to learn the “words”…..yeah, I’ve had to cut way back on my potty mouth.

A few days ago while driving home after picking up the little ones, Little Man was in one of his I’mgoingtodoeverythingIcantopissyouoff moods and he was repeating everything I was saying. 

I hate this.

I really really hate this.

But, I am an adult and I know how to ignore.  (It’s just a phase, right??)

Then he started trying to reach over to pull Lil Lady’s hair.  She kept telling him to stop it.  Then he was trying to reach her with his foot while being buckled in his car seat.  She was getting pissed.

Between his evil giggle, repeating what I was saying, then repeating Lil Lady’s “STOP IT!!” every time she said it, the tension in the car was building. 

I holler out,

“Manny!!!  Do you want me to smack you????”

Only to get a response from my Lil Lady Einstein…..

“Mom…..remember??   CHOP – CHOP??”

How about if we just keep our hands to ourselves??

Ok….proud Mommy moment of the year DECADE.  As I was doing a Google search for “keep your hands to yourself” to find an image to add to this here post, guess who’s pic I come across?

First I saw this:


yo gabba

Ok, so Yo Gabba Gabba sings a song about keeping your hands to yourself. 

Then I saw this:




Cute.  I may print that and hang it on my fridge.

Then……and here comes the moment I take a bow. 

I see THIS:




OMG!!  You don’t get it, do you??  That, my dear friends, is

MY Little MAN!!

What on earth is he doing under a Google search for “keep your hands to yourself”????  What have I done???


I am not proud.

No sir-ee.

(But he is awfully cute, isn’t he??)

Have a great day!  Link up with these lovely ladies!!




Sunday, March 4, 2012

Baby Sitter Saga #258

Seriously….are there any good babysitters out there any more?  I have gone through several. 

My Dad.

He did well with Lil Lady.  Until she was able to move from point A to point B.  Really.  He did well.  Sometimes didn’t get her diaper on quite right.  And once he called me to tell me to hurry home because Lil Lady puked all over him, but all in all it wasn’t too bad.

After my Dad couldn’t babysit anymore, and I had Little Man on the way….my sister babysat.  She was da bomb!!  She spent time with Lil Lady and didn’t just let her watch anything on TV.  She actually monitored what she watched, what she played with, what she ate or didn’t eat.  It was awesome.  And when Little Man came into this world, she treated him as one of her own.

Of course all good things must come to an end.  Damn my big sis for wanting to actually get her nursing degree.  Yep, she flew my coop to better herself.  I told her she was good enough right where she was, babysitting my kiddos so I could be the nurse in the family.

She left me anyways.

She is now an awesome Hospice Nurse.

And I struggle with babysitters….


One of the prior sitters seemed to have our roles confused.  She was certain it was ME that needed to work around HER availability.  Yeah…. shit happens.  It definitely does.  Why is it I keep finding myself in the situation to REMIND the sitter of who the fuck is in charge?  I AM IN CHARGE.


And Dammit, again.

After having my nephew’s wife and often times my nephew babysitting for a while, I found another sitter.  This time we would be taking the kids to her house instead of someone coming here and helping themselves to my groceries for the week.

Awesome!  Yes?


Not really. 

At first it was the normal “I don’t want to go to (I won’t say Bobbi’s the sitter’s name here) her house!”

Ugh.  Every morning it was the same thing.  It never got better.  Never.  Ever.  Ever.

I witnessed a few things at this sitter’s home which I won’t go into detail about because you’d think me insane for continuing to take my children there.  I heard a lot of things from my Lil Lady that made me squirm a little bit more than I would have liked.  I heard from Little Man how he was always in time out. 

The last few incidents with my kiddos over there were enough for me.  Let me tell you, this sitter rarely got her ass up off the couch….even when I would come pick up my kids.  She would just sit there.  I often wondered if she EVER got up.  I would ask Lil Lady things like…”Does Bobbi ever move?”  She would say, “Yes, Mom.  She has to feed us sometimes.”

Just “sometimes’??


The last day they were there, I walked into the toy room to gather them up.  Lil Lady said, “Bobbi said I drew on this toy.  I told her I didn’t.  She made me wash it anyways.”


I didn’t even get to respond when Mrs. Idon’tmovemyassfromthecouch is right there behind me.  She asked if Lil Lady just said she MADE her clean the toy.  I said yes, yes she did say that.

She looked at my Lil Lady and said,

“I didn’t say that, did I, Lil?  Did I??  DID I????”

“I would not say that.  DID I SAY THAT LIL??”

My Lil Lady was fearful.  I could see it in her eyes.  I heard it in her voice when she said in barely a whisper…..

“No, Bobbi.”





You did NOT just terrorize my kid right before my eyes, did you?

What does she do when I am NOT there to protect my babies??? 

Then I noticed the lips.

My 5 year old had lipstick on.  Ok.  So I know how little girls like to play with make up.  This lipstick was a little much….not just on the lips but a little bit more ABOVE the lips….sort of clown-ish.  I told Lil Lady I wanted to fix her lipstick, you know, get it off her skin and just have it on her lips.  I wet the papertowel.  I start to wipe. 

Nothing comes off.



Lil Lady says, “Bobbi says it will stay on for two days.  Two days, Mom!”  Pretty exciting, no?

NO.  No and no and NO!!!

Bobbi said “it will stay on for a little while”.  She tried to find the lightest color……blah blah blah.

It was PURPLE.  Fucking PURPLE!

I was livid.  You don’t put lip STAIN on someone else’s child.  You don’t.  You DO NOT.  What if she had an allergy??  And this stuff didn’t wipe off!!


Brainless people. 

Because I am resourceful, I found another sitter.  Just like that. 


In yo face, Bobbi!!

When I told Bobbi we weren’t coming back because my kids are not happy and you don’t do anything with them and you are a lousy-ass sitter and you terrorized my child in front of me and you made her lips purple without my permission….she had the nerve to say…

“I think I deserve a two week notice.  I need to find your replacement.”

What the Fuck??  Seriously?




I think not.  No.  No two week notice.  I just said my kids aren’t happy.  And if my kids aren’t happy, I’m not happy. 

Since when does someone get fired AND be given 2 weeks to find another job?  Since when?? 

I pray, and I pray and I pray….and I don’t normally pray….but my God, I’ve been PRAYING that this new sitter is all she appears to be.

It’s so good not to hear I don’t want to go to Bobbi's!!  Instead I have been hearing…

“Aren’t you ready yet, Mom??  Can’t we go now?  Hurry up!”


There IS a God.

Trust me, when Little Man loves someone, he loves with his whole heart.  He asked me, after just two days at the new sitter’s house,

“Mom, can I be her owner?”




Ahhh….Manny…..sure you can.  But we don’t “own” people…ok?

“Okay, Mom.”

If you know the language of the short people, you know all he meant was that he’s smitten with the new sitter.  And this, my friends, is a FIRST. 

Keep your fingers crossed for all of us!