Monday, February 20, 2012

A Wrinkle or Three

As I filled my pillbox this morning I thought….WTF?  Am I getting old or what?  I fill my PATIENT’S pill boxes, not my OWN.  I’ve tried filling Mr. Sake’s but I think he’s afraid I will see that he is non-compliant so he nixed that idea immediately.  Said I “messed him up” or something like that.

(insert eye roll here)

I KNOW I have a thousand and one some wrinkles.  Sometimes wrinkles just come with stress.  Sometimes with age.  In my case?  Probably both. 

I wake up looking like this:




See the eye puffiness?


I go to bed looking like this:




Puffiness is less, yes?  No, really….look closely.  See it now?

In all fairness, my kids look like this….




Oh, wait….I have three kids.  Not four.  Or maybe I do have four….??


Anywhoozle, it’s BECAUSE of the kids that I am the way I am.  I had my first when I was just turning thirty.  That wasn’t so bad.  I could deal with one, I was fairly young still, I had it handled.  I was SUPERMOM!!!




Then, somehow, somewhere….ten years down the road another one arrived.  Lil Lady.

Ok, yeah….the oldest was 10, I was nearly 40 but who cares, right?  I can DO this, I told myself. 

And I did it.  Some help from Mr. Sake was well appreciated.  Also had some help from the first born until she got shit upon (literally)….so much for “big-sister-babysitter”.

Then I woke up one morning and saw that there was ONE MORE added to the bunch.  Little Man.

Wherethefuckdidhecomefrom I wanted to know.  And I wanted to know IMMEDIATELY.


images (16)


Seriously.  I’ve been known to sit around and ponder my life and think….where the hell did these short people come from??  And that’s exactly how it feels.

One day it was me and one child, then it was me, a spouse and THREE children.  So, when I look in the mirror and see the wrinkles, I know exactly why they are there.  It has nothing to do with being old.

It has EVERYTHING to do with having kids.

The ones around my eyes are from the countless ways my children can make me laugh.  My oldest has a sense of humor that should be bottled and sold as a cure for PMS. 

The ones around my mouth are from the kazillion times these kids have made me smile.

The ones on my forehead are from “the look” I need to give them when they are doing something that they know I will kick their asses for that causes me to raise my eye brows.

The ones between my brows are a different story.  The kids cannot take full credit for them.  These wrinkles are the most special.  They belong to not only the kids, but the spouse as well.  You know the look.  It’s the are you fucking kidding me?? “what did you just say???”  look.  You know it.  I am sure.  And you know it well.

Regardless, I will embrace my wrinkles each day. 

As for the gray hairs I have noticed popping up here and there? 

There’s an app, I mean, there’s a color for that, I’m sure!!


rainbow hair

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Do You Want to Be on Top??

Valentine’s Day……

How was yours?  Mine started off with work.  I rushed through seeing a few patients before I had my own doctor’s appointment.  At my appointment I found out that my B12 level is extremely low.  Hmmmm……

I don’t eat enough meat.

It’s not that I’m a vegetarian, because I don’t eat vegetables either.

I just choose to get my energy from other sources.



I could live on White Chocolate Mochas.  In fact, I think I do.  And my blood work proved it.

So, I left the doc with a script in hand for B12 injections that I have to give myself weekly. 



I can do this.  I. Am. A. Nurse.

Fuck.  (that’s an entirely different blog post, I’m certain)

After my visit I had to pick up the teen from school.  Then off I went to pick up the short people from the sitter’s.  Lil Lady not feeling well.  Turns out she has “slight pneumonia”.  Really??  Is that like being “slightly pregnant”??  Also Little Man who was  just on antibiotics last week for one ear infection now has a double ear infection.  You’d never know by the way he was tearing up the doctor’s office.

After this visit I had to pick up all of our meds from the pharmacy.

After dropping kids off at home I had to run to a store quickly to get little Valentine’s gifts that I should have already gotten but didn’t because I’m such an awesome mom idiot.  Seriously…I had plenty of opportunities to do this.  I am a slug.

As I’m in the store having a conversation with some guy asking if I thought his girlfriend who always asks him to reach the remote would like one of these “grabber looking things”, the spouse calls to say a co-worker has stopped over to pick up a piece of equipment for work that I said she could use.  The equipment that was in my car, in the parking lot, at Five Below, and not at home.

It was a rush rush rush all day that I totally forgot I told her I would be home.


“Fuck Valentine’s Day!”

And that’s exactly what I said to the spouse on the phone.  He gives the phone to the co-worker and I say, as sweet as can muster up….

“Heyyyyy…yeah…..I forgot.  I’m so so sorry.  Wanna run up here to Five Below?  Yeah?  Ok…thanks!  See you soon!  I’ll wait outside for you!!  K!  Buh-byeeee!”


The guy examining the “grabber looking thing” looks at me and says, “well??” 


images (15)

I said, “I don’t know…I got my husband steak knives.”

He says….


Exactly, buddy….exactly. 

I just can’t get it all done.

I can’t.

But I did.  In the car, I shoved the little goodies in the bags, shoved in the tissue paper, made the gifts look pretty….and home I went.

The spouse had his gift for me sitting on the bed first thing this morning.  I refused to open it because I didn’t have his put together yet.  It takes a bit to make steak knives look like an awesome gift ya know. 

But look.  Just LOOK at what I got!!



Awesome, yes??

So, then I asked…..

“Oh, do YOU want to be on top??”


He had the nerve to say…

“I’m a little tired of being on top.”

Seriously, Mr. Sake??



Looks a little lonely in that recliner, doesn’t it??

Hope you all had a great Valentine’s Day!!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Change? Hell No!

I logged onto my blog the other day and noticed it didn’t look like my blog.  Instead of 3 columns, there was one….and the rest of my stuff was sitting down below all my posts.

If you know me, and even if you don’t, you can imagine my anxiety. 

I spent all of Monday evening trying to fix it.

I spent all of Tuesday evening trying to fix it.


I was more than anxious.


I wanted my old template back and I wanted it back NOW.

I tried consulting Real Dad…..

Oh, yeah….he asked if I was certain I wasn’t putting my things in the “footer widget” or something like that.

I told him I was sure.

Then I informed him kindly…..if he didn’t figure this out I was going to footer HIM in the WIDGET!

He then thought he’d get all technical on me and started talking some computer lingo about getting into my backend or something like that.  He said I could change my password when he was done.




I do not like change.

I go to the same gas station, the same pump, buy the exact same amount of gas each time, shop at the same grocery store, go to the same coffee shop and order the same damn thing every every EVERY day…..

Change sucks.

I spent all of Wednesday evening trying to fix it.

I DESPISE change.

I tried starting from scratch but this also did not work.

Mr. Sake enters the room.  He sees I am stressing out.  He sees I’m about to cry.  He sees that he needs to step in and take over. 


i got it

Mr. Sake also hates change. 

Mr. Sake also knows that if this issue isn’t fixed like A.S.A.P. there is going to be hell to pay until it IS fixed.

Mr. Sake also doesn’t have any experience with Blogger.  Or Wordpress.  Or Anyothertypeofbloggingservice.

I was scared.

Even though I do not get to blog as often as I would like, I take pride in my design. 

There is not enough Xanax in the world to calm my ass down.

Here’s me all youdon’tknowwhatthefuckyouaredoing and youcouldscrewupthewholedamnthingworsethanitis!!!

I just KNOW he’s gonna fuck it up.

I’m sorry, honey….you scare me sometimes.

It has something to do with you acting before thinking.  Then saying “I didn’t know THAT would happen….”


 images (14)


It’s been a full moon.

So, 3 days, 22 hours, 248 minutes, 22 xanax and 918 seconds later….


I don’t know how.

I don’t know when.

I don’t know if I could ever fix it again.

I DO know I saved the fucking template this time.