Friday, November 18, 2011

Friends with Benefits

Today I found myself in the position of asking my 14 year old daughter what her “boyfriend” meant by a “friend with benefits”.  No parenting class and no amount of research in the world on how to raise a teenager could have prepared me for this.  Am I that stupid??
This is how it went down:
The Teen:  Mom, can I go to the movies with [insert boyfriend’s name here] and his one friend who is a girl?  She’s one of his friend’s with benefits.
Me:  What movie?  Whe…..WHAT??  Did you just say “friends with benefits”?? 
The Teen:  Yes.  Can I go?
Me:  What is this “friends with benefits”??  The name of the movie?
The Teen:  Um….No?

The Teen: 

hiding face

I’m trying to figure out if “friends with benefits” has some other meaning when you are talking to a 14 year old.  Does it mean “a friend that pays your way to the movie”?  Does it mean “a friend that will let you cheat on the test”?
I consulted a friend about this situation and she thought maybe it was “a friend that was gonna help them get free popcorn at the movie.”
I was afraid, yet I consulted the spouse.  Oh gawd, I know right??!! 
His response?

images (11)

Oh yeah, I’m thinking he KNOWS there is no other meaning to FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS other than the one we know as adults.
So I researched it. 
According to Mark Cichocki, R.N., a nurse educator, this is what he found out after talking to a few teenagers:  
 “While talking to a group of teenagers recently, I heard a term that was completely new to me. Many of the teens talked about "friends with benefits". Being a naive father of three teenage daughters I had to ask what that meant exactly. I was shocked to find out that many teenagers from 14 to 18 years of age were developing a new type of sex only relationship. It was explained to me that boys and girls were "hooking up" for sex, both intercourse and oral, but did not consider themselves to be dating or in a intimate monogamous relationship. They considered one another to be "friends with benefits". The more questions I asked the more concerned I became.”

Excuse me while I puke  now.
Seriously.  I just don’t know if I am going to survive these teenage years.  How can I keep my baby safe?  How can I keep her from making the bad decisions??
Is she THAT naive that she didn’t realize what [insert her             EX - boyfriend’s name here] was referring to when he said that??  Did she think “Friends with Benefits” was the new TEEN CLUB?? 
Holy effing schnazzballs!  Can you imagine??


How do you keep your teenage daughters AWARE without putting ideas into their heads, yet giving them the knowledge to know right from wrong?  How do you keep them SAFE??