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Monday, April 12, 2010

I’m Doomed

Ok…I have no MeMe’s to participate in today because I have something very serious going on in my life.  Normally I would not believe in this sort of shit, but the EVIDENCE is there.  I am being sabotaged by the Irishfuckingfairies!!
Seriously, back on St. Patrick’s Day I wrote a post about Irish F-A-I-R-I-E-S.  I spell it out because they do  not like to be called F-A-I-R-E-S.  Call them “wee folk” or “the other crowd” or “bastards” or whatever, but do not call them F-A-I-R-I-E-S, it pisses them off. 
Anyf-a-i-r-y….this is what has transpired.
The spouse and I went for our walk with the short people.  It was a nice walk.  We’ve been trying to make this part of our evening ritual and it’s been going quite well.  On the way back when we reached our front yard and it was near dark, I saw something in the yard.  I was like, what the hell is THAT???  It was a circle of grass….dead grass…..yep…..in an area where there hadn’t been anything to make this circle of dead grass.  As far as I knew, we did not have a kiddie pool there….I didn’t run in circles there….so what could have caused this??
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I posted on facebook….”we’ve been visited by ALIENS!!!!”  My daughter posted on facebook…”ALIENS!!!  I’m seriously serious!!!!”  We got a few laughs, we got a few people who were skeptical….but dear DadUnMasked…one of my facebook friends as well as one of my tweeple from Twitter….he posted a link for me….explaining what it was. 
So, bottom line…I have some decisions to make.  I researched some more, and if you are like me while researching on the internet, you can come across so MANY different explanations for things, and what do you believe??
This is what I’ve learned so far:
  • The fairy rings are brought about by gods and/or spirits and natural divinities.
  • They are typically found in South Africa.  (Last I checked, I was living in O-H-I-O!!)
  • Entering the ring could result in the loss of an eye….WTF???
  • Destroying it is unlucky and fruitless.  (Niiiiiiice….)
  • A mortal being entering the ring will die at a young age.  Again…WTF????
  • If you enter the ring, you could be made to dance to the point of exhaustion, death or madness. 
  • Freedom from a fairy ring requires outside intervention.  (Really??  Seriously???)

So, basically, I need to keep my children away from this area in my yard.  Even though I think Little Man could out-dance any damn fairy, I don’t want to take the risk.  I also read that if you enter the ring, you may have a good time while you are there… I bet they serve some excellent drinks!!  But while you are there, even though it might seem like a short time, in OUR lives the time is a lot longer….like weeks or months or even years!!  I don’t want to miss that much of my kid’s lives, even it it means having a damn good time with some drunk dancing fairies!!
I’ve also read that you can MAKE your own fairy ring!!  WHAT???  Apparently they can be useful….for meditation or something….you can find that HERE if you are so inclined.

The reason I am concerned is that the fairies may have entered my “world” through this ring, and they are causing some issues…yep….they fucked up my alarm clock on Sunday morning so I was rushed to get to work.  I KNOW it was them!!  I don’t doubt it for a second…
They have possessed my children so that they won’t go to sleep.  In fact, they have convinced them to keep on dancing until the wee hours of the night. 
They like to move things in my house so I cannot find them.  They moved my glasses, they moved my cell phone…hell, they even moved my clothes that I KNOW I set out to put on this morning!!
And ya know what else?  They made all the clothes in the house dirty!!  They made these piles of laundry in my laundry room that I am certain that I got washed this weekend in between my working hours and the hours I spent chasing the elves children around.  Yeah…can you believe that shit??
And…oh get this…yeah….they made me eat a bag of peanut M-n-M’s!!!  WTF???  They need to be stopped….and soon……because this can’t go on any longer.
I researched more….and found some other interesting information.  Apparently….if I choose to….I can also believe that this fairy ring is caused by a thing called…….


FUNGUS!!!!!!!!!


Yep…you got it….fucking MUSHROOMS!!

And here I was thinking I was SPECIAL….that I had been hand picked by the gods somewhere to take part in this fairy ring extravaganza……
You can find help for this at All About Lawns if you think that you might have been “picked”  also.
Regardless…..whether it’s fuckingfairy lore or folk beliefs or disgusting FUNGUS…..you have to go with your gut feeling, and mine is telling me I need that “outside intervention”……..
What do YOU believe?  I have my tween thinking it’s ALIENS!!!  I am going to put Little Man out there to see if he can catch an elf.  I think with this get-up he might actually succeed!
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Lil Lady is too smart to even partake in such nonsense, and the spouse, well….I’m not sure what he believes.  After his horrendous day taking care of the kids while I worked yesterday, I’m pretty sure he thinks they are possessed by “something” yet he’s not ready to believe in the fairy ring just yet.
I’m still uncertain what I truly believe….the fairy/elf idea is pretty cool…yet freaky….but the mushroom idea just sucks…..so I’m going to play it cool and see what happens.  If the spouse goes missing for ummmm let’s say….just a little while….well…yeah….we shouldn’t worry because they say the mortals will be returned.  And by “they” I don’t mean F-A-I-R-I-E-S….I mean the Wee Folk, of course!

12 comments:

Salt said...

I am moderately freaked out by this. Why would you want to create your own if entering the circle could result in eye loss or dancing until you die?

Just another thing for me to worry about when we move into a house with a yard!

Found you via Dual Mom! You are a funny lady!

Brittney said...

LMAO!! oh my! Well just for safteys sake stay away from that ring :)

Thats still a little weird!

Yankee Girl said...

Okay, I have to say that I am glad it's mushrooms because it would be awfully sad, and most likely painful, if you lost an eye.

Those fairies must really have it in for you to go through all that work!

Aging Mommy said...

Definitely stay away from the fairy ring! Very funny post - just love it!

Real Dads Hangout said...

I thought at first that it may have been made by all of the Caribou Coffee I attempted to send your way. Would have been a nice cover! However learning that you thought it was fairies or aliens leads me to believe that those are some damn good mushrooms! I will help you harvest and sell them! Ohio is only 10 hrs or so away! Whadda say??...partners? :)

Lisa said...

I say fuck with the fairies....yep I said it! Run into their ring with eye patches on and dancing, singing Alanis Morrisette's "Uninvited". LOL!


I don't believe in the power of other's being able to control me. I believe in ghosts, fairies, etc., but they do not control my destiny, my life, or my actions....

:) Maybe you should make peace and offer them a tiny beer? hee hee

Lourie said...

How about "dance your ass off!' I know mine could at least use some reducing. ;)

That One Mom said...

Bwahahahaha

WhisperingWriter said...

I'd have thought that aliens had come too. That is a little creepy looking.

CoffeeLovinMom said...

I agree with Lisa - put the swingset there and let the kids kick them out! Claim your yard!

Linda Medrano said...

Terry, as long as they aren't getting into your gin or merlot, let them be. (Of course, since I'm from SF, that's probably not a surprising attitude coming from me!)

Kat said...

Stay out of the circle! You only HAVE one good eye!!!