It’s Wednesday….you can link up with Chief over at Hiding from the Kids. Last week I participated in Pour Your Heart Out with Shell and that was a little draining although important to get the shit out there….. I’ve had too much draining this week already, so it’s time to have some light-hearted fun!!
What I meant to say was: “You, my dearie, are spoiled rotten. YOU get everything you ask for. The other night when YOU wanted McDonald’s and we said you couldn’t have it unless YOU paid for everyone, YOU threw a holy hissy fit. I gave in and used the little people’s Easter money for their FRIES, and YOU left your change on the table!! So guess what?? I TOOK it!! Yes, I TOOK your money!! And I’ve bought 3 white chocolate mochas with it! Thankyouverymuch!!”
When I called off work because I was ill and the human resource nurse said, “are you sure? Because we had another call off too…..” I said, “um, yeah, I’m SURE I’m sick…..”
What I meant to say was: “What the fuck do you mean AM I SURE??? Even if I was lying I don’t think I would say ‘um, you know what? You’re right…I’m not sick now that you’ve had other call offs. Yeah…I was lying.’ Do you think I’m a moron?? Yes, I AM SURE I AM SICK…I’m gonna go with my gut feeling and say I WILL NOT BE IN TONIGHT. Do you understand what that means?? Are YOU sure???”
After making my purchases for 3 Easter baskets last week, and the cashier states in shock, “Wow!! That’s ALOT to spend!! WOW…ALOT….amazing how much things cost, isn’t it???” And I said, “Ummm…yeah, it sure is….”
What I meant to say was: “What the fuck lady??? It IS alot, and I DO not have the money really to be spending on this. If you feel so bad for me then cough up the cash, woman! Or get someone to lower the gaddamn prices! Help out a mother working two jobs so she can pay the bills AND provide fun stuff for the kiddo’s Easter baskets!! And please, don’t POINT OUT how much I have to spend to do this!! I’m already a nervous wreck about paying bills and YOU just added to my anxiety!! Thankyoukindly for ruining my DAY!!!!”
Aaaaand…you knew this next one was coming if you’ve been reading my blog…
When the spouse mentioned that we may be getting together with some old friends of his…female friends….to “catch up”….I said, “Ok…I will go if that’s what you want. I wouldn’t want you to go without me….”
What I meant to say is: “You have GOT to be kidding me!! There is no way I can sit with these women and chit chat about life, or DEATH, for that matter! I don’t WANT to meet them. I already don’t like them because I don’t know them and they are part of YOUR PAST!! This is not normal!! You don’t go catching up with people after 20 years…especially when one is SINGLE and one is DIVORCED and YOU ARE M-A-R-R-I-E-D!! Who in their right minds would even consider this?? I am no fucking saint, that is for sure….I will bend over backwards (and forwards) for you, but this is wayyyyyy past what I can handle!!! Please forgive me for being psycho. That is all.”
As a side note, the spouse and I have come to an agreement on this ongoing saga….I think everything will be ok.
Go ahead everyone…Link up…spill the beans, or your guts or whatever it is that will make you feel better! Thanks for stopping by!!