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Saturday, April 24, 2010

No Words Needed

So, I missed Friday Confessional with Glamazon AGAIN!!  That doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to confess though.  As usual, I’ve got plenty!!

BUT…

I am only going to confess ONE.

And THAT IS….

I confess that I was totally off my rocker on Friday.  Instead of working diligently I was sitting in parking lots, thinking, crying, contemplating my life.  Instead of blogging I was staring off into space wondering “what now?”

I let my imagination get the best of me, and without going into great detail, I will let you know that just because something might APPEAR to be one way, sometimes you just have to have some faith somewhere.  You have to BELIEVE in something.  You have to TRUST in someone or something.  Or….

You can spout off to the spouse in  an email because you are too weirded out to actually speak with him like a normal human being when he gets home from work.

Yep…I chose the email option.

Am I proud?  Well, not exactly, but I sure did get alot of my chest!  Whew!!  I certainly felt better in some respect.  In others…not so much.  Because why?  Because now that I let him know where my thoughts were….well, obviously he wasn’t going to just let them be there.  He shot me a quick email back that said, “have the tween watch the little ones so we can talk when I get home.”

Ouch.  Scary. 

Was he going to tell me how crazy I was for even thinking the crazy thoughts that I was thinking?  Was he going to ADMIT to all the things I was thinking he was up to?  Oh God…my worst fear….

No…he did neither of these.  He came home, we had to beg the tween a bit to watch the little ones, and we talked.  He told me all I needed to hear.  All I wanted to hear.  He put my fears at rest.  He acknowledged what I was feeling but didn’t tell me I was crazy.  He let me feel what I was feeling, because after all, my feelings are real, even if they are a tad bit irrational.

We talked.

And talked.

And talked.

Conclusion?

I love him.  We can get past this “THING” that has been eating at me.  I know we can.

So, a few weeks ago I started writing a poem, but I stopped in the middle because I couldn’t find a happy spot to end.  And Lord knows, I do NOT like unhappy endings.

Today I was able to finish it.  And I choose to share it with you.  Because I know you won’t judge me.  I know you will take it for what it’s worth even though I am no poet.  (Not like my Sis is, anyways!)

So, here it is….

BELIEVE

When times are tough

And insecurity is there

I crawl inside myself

and pull up a chair.

 

I think of why

I have lost my shine.

I think of the reasons

That cause me to whine.

 

I think of the vows

we willingly shared.

I think of the times

there was no doubt he cared.

 

I think of his actions

And I think of mine.

How did we get to this point

in such a short time?

(This is as far as I got…..until today…the rest came to me so easily)

Today I see him

In a different light.

Loving every part of him

And it all seems so right.

 

We’ve buried our issues

And we’re back on track.

He’s reinforced his vows,

And I’ve cut him some slack.

 

Marriage is sacred.

Those unmarried should take a look.

Nothing should interfere.

Not even old friends on Facebook.

 

So when my insecurity rises,

and I can’t think so clear,

I need to remain true to me

and those I hold dear.

 

I need to trust in my heart

And trust in our love.

And if I can’t do that,

then trust in the Heavens above.

 

Because I have people up there

that are watching out for me.

I have people.

People you cannot see.

 

But they won’t let me down.

They will forever be there.

So when I lose my strength,

they will do their share.

 

For now I’m at peace

with the love of my life.

He is my husband.

I am his wife.

 

And there you have it in a nutshell.  This evening I made my spouse find a photo that I took when we were dating.  And even though I have become a woman of many words….well, that’s what we found out when analyzing our cell phone bill (that’s another post!)…this picture is titled “No Words Needed”…..I put the caption on it way back when, and it still holds true.  Because Sometimes…..

No Words Are Needed.hands2

8 comments:

Real Dads Hangout said...

Hey bud...I am so glad that you worked these things out! Again I give you credit for sharing. Sometimes our minds get the best of us.You rock and your poem was GREAT! I could never write as well as that.

BTW - Props to your hubby too!

The Empress said...

I've heard about FB doing this to couples. I have a friend who has gotten into so much trouble with her husband over her use of FB, but she still won't stop.

Dual Mom said...

Glad to hear you seem to have put this issue to rest. It can't be easy carrying around doubts like that all the time.

andrea said...

you are a great writer and the poem was lovely:) so happy things are working out for you guys and you DO have angels looking out for you:) xoxoxo

Spot said...

I think a lot of times it's easier to put our feelings and fears on (virtual) paper. I've done the email thing with my teenage daughter before because it's easier to express yourself and organize your thoughts when you aren't in the heat of the moment. Seems like you and hubby have a deep bond and are able to communicate well. That is so key to making it work! I'm glad you are working things out!

Thanks for commenting my blog. You know when you described your behavior, I was thinking "Man, that stripper is off her pole!". Lol. =]

♥Spot

Linda Medrano said...

Terry, I think you have it settled. For now, anyway. I think you need to address these things, issues, and feelings when they occur. That way you don't let them build up into something big. If a concern is real to you, it's real. And you are entitled to explanations for your concerns. The other party is too. Just don't let it eat at you and get you to where you were on Friday. xxooxx

Kat said...

I agree with Linda. And I love the poem and I love the photo. Very nicely done :)

gayle said...

That is a beautiful poem!! You should be very proud of yourself!! I have been married almost 40 years and had to write my hubby a letter a few days ago too!!