Ahhh….Usually on What The Hell Wednesdays I am the one you hear saying WHAT THE HELL??!! This week you will hear how my spouse came to say it….and I had nothing to give in response…imagine that! If you want to play along, link up with these ladies over at Blue Monkey Butt. You know what to do…click the button below….geeeesh…..what the hell??
So, a week or so ago I was having a very trying day with the toddlers. They were at each other’s throats, literally. They were pulling hair. They were throwing toys. They were dumping the toys out from any and EVERY container. They were, basically, acting like animals.
Now, I have been trying very hard to not swear in front of them. Seriously, this is a problem I have. Shhhhhhh…..not everyone knows that.
Anyways, before I spurted out every obscenity known to mankind, I spurted out this:
“Okayyyyyyyyy! You two want to act like animals?? Huh?? Do ya?? Do you know where animals live?? Not in my house oh no they don’t! They live at the zoo! Yep, that’s right, the ZOO! Do you want to live at the zoo?? Huh??? Do ya???”
Lil Lady: “No No…..I don’t want to live at the zoo with animals.”
Little Man: “huh?” (he’s picked this up from his father…you ask a question…he says “huh?”)
Me: Then you better quit acting like animals because I. Have. Had. Enough!!
So there you have it. I got the situation under control without using not ONE obscenity!! Yeah me!!!
Now…here’s the tricky part. Sometimes you say things thinking you are getting a point across yet not realizing that the other party is totally taking your word as the word of some Goddess or something. After all, I AM THE MOM.
This is what happened next:
This past Saturday the spouse had a grand idea of all of us going out to dinner. I said, “Kids too??” Of course he meant kids too. What was I thinking?? A dinner with just the two of us? Unheard of!
Unfortunately, it did not go as planned but that is a totally different post. What happened was that Lil Lady fell asleep way too late for her nap. The spouse said for me and the tween to just go but I knew this would come to bite me in the ass at a later time so we decided maybe we would just take Little Man with us which would sort of give the spouse a break with Lil Lady sleeping.
Nope…spouse decided we should wake the Lil Lady. She does not like to be woken up. It needs to be on her terms and her terms only. She’s three for Pete’s sake!
So she fought…..she kicked….she cried….she kicked some more. She didn’t care that she could have spaghetti at a restaurant. She didn’t care that we were finally letting her out of the house. You see, I keep my kids hidden indoors because sometimes they aren’t fit for public.
Oh come on!! I’m kidding!! We just don’t get out much. That’s all….so I figured she would be excited to go somewhere. Afterall, she’s the one that begs to go with me any time I put my coat on!!!
She wasn’t settling down. She wasn’t getting changed so I said fine…she could wear the lady bug dress that she’s had on for 3 days to dinner. That helped a little bit. She was still quite upset. The spouse was getting ticked off. He said, “I told you just to go with [the tween]!” Blah Blah Blah….I knew better than to do that!!
Anyhooo….finally we are ready….the Lil Lady’s coat is on, her shoes are on. her hair is half brushed, and she’s standing by the door wringing her hands, sniffling….tears still sort of coming. The spouse is saying, “Good Lord!!! What is wrong with her?????”
I say, “Lil….what’s wrong?? Why on earth are you crying???”
Lil Lady says: “Because I don’t want Daddy to take me to the zooooooooooooo…….whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!”
Spouse: “WHAT THE FREAKIN HELL??????”
Little Man: “huh??”
The Tween: ***eye roll***
Spouse to the Lil Lady: “We are not going to the zoo, Lil. Well, not today, but another day I will take you……”
Lil Lady: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Tween: ***giggling now***
Spouse looks at me like I’ve grown two-heads as I explained about the acting-like-animals-threatening-to-take-them-to-live-at-the-zoo incident……
Spouse: What the hell????? (again) Are you out of your mind????
Little Man: “huh?”
Me: Well, I never said YOU would be the one to taken them……
So, lesson learned on my part. Do not threaten very impressionable nervous-nellie toddlers that they will have to live at the zoo when they act like animals.
I am just hoping that when Spring comes that Lil Lady has recovered because I seriously would like to VISIT the zoo!!
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