Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Wednesday Madness

It’s time for What the Hell Wednesday with Blue Monkey Butt and also What I Meant to Say Wednesday with Chief over at Hiding from the Kids.  Go…link up already!!

Blue Monkey Butt



The other day the tween was taking a bath.  For the tween, this is a project that lasts a couple hours.  Crazy, I know.  She goes in there, sometimes with a book, sometimes just her mp3 player….in the past she has taken her iPod, but that’s an earlier post that I’d rather not revisit.  You can…if you’d like!

Anyways, she gets in….listens to music or reads a book.  She FORGETS to wash until we say it’s time to get out.  That is usally after we realize she has been missing in action for the past hour we decide it’s been long enough.  The other night it took her another 40 minutes to get out of the tub after we told her to GET OUT after one hour. 

That would be a total of one hour and 40 minutes to bath a body that is 4’9” and weighs 90 pounds…..


So, she finally emerges from the bathroom.  I tell her since we no longer had anymore time to review her Math that we would have to start right after school the next day.  I am not a slave-driver, people, I swear I’m not…but she FAILED her test last week.  FAILED!!!  My kids don’t FAIL…..

Enuf said.

Anywhoozle….when I told her we would have to start the math review right after school the next day, she says, “Well, why didn’t you get me out of the tub sooner????”

I said, “Are you kidding me?  Did you really just say that??”

What I meant to say was :

You have to be out of your freakin mind!!  Did you not hear me hollering at you to get the fuck out of the tub all those times?  Did you not HEAR me threaten to pop the lock on the door?  I could have sworn you hollered for me NOT to pop the lock, so you MUST have heard me.  Do you KNOW how to tell time?  Do you KNOW that for the past 40 minutes I had to stop Pete (step-father) from taking the door off the hinges??  Do you realize I saved your fucking life??  He really was gonna take the door off…me….yeah, I was just gonna pop the lock!!”

She was seriously alarmed when I told her it was 40 minutes since we first told her to come out.  Wow…..daydream much??


On a lighter note, I realized today that I have a few serious issues when it comes to my purse. 

For one, it’s always so fucking heavy!!  It digs into my shoulder, or it slides off from the weight of it which is so very very annoying.  I decided to investigate …..



Not one, not two, but THREE handfuls of coins came out of the bottom!!  Do you know how many white chocolate mocha’s that’s gonna get this Mamma???


Number two issue??  I have a lip gloss fetish…..I need therapy….I need an intervention….ALL of these were in my purse…..


What the hell was I thinking??  Is it because I would think they were lost?  Well, they were lost…under all the coins!!  But, on the other hand…..I have sparkly lips!!


What do YOU have in your purse that shouldn’t be there?  Huh?  Do NOT judge me….

I AM the MOM, for Pete’s sake!!


sammy said...

hah no purses here. just satchels ; )

my wife takes a millisecond shower while i take 6 hour showers.

i think we have it backwards

Rebecca said...

I'm always amazed at how much lighter my bag is after a change clean-out!

Wouldn't it be nice to have an hour and 40 minutes to spend in the bathroom...alone...without a care in the world?

Cheeseboy said...

I found the common theme in this post:

"What the hell?!"

I can't believe the water would stay warm enough in the tub that long that she would want to stay in.

Lourie said...

My wallet is what weighs a ton. Surprisingly there is no money in it.

My middle girl (age 10) is exactly the same. She gets in the tub and seriously forgets the world. I have to tell her multiple times it is time to wash up. I usually end up screaming at her.

Megan said...

ARG! My 6 year old is like that in the shower/tub. I have to slash like that b/c he will start off with a shower, let the tub fill up and then turn off the water and sit there. It drives me freaking insane!

jayayceeblog said...

We took our daughter and granddaughter on a trip to NYC and as we were going through security to go out to the Statue of Liberty, we were pulled aside. They had run my daughter's purse thru the x-ray machine and the bottom was solid metal so they figured she was a terrorist. It was loose change. We went to a bank later that day and counted and rolled over $20. And she had carried that purse thru the airports on the way to NY and all over town. Since that day, I have not dropped one loose coin the bottom of my purse! :-)

Kat said...

I wish I could carry a purse regularly but as soon as I start school, I carry everything in the book bag. THEN when I run to the store, I have only my wallet with me and feel like I'm missing EVERYTHING! Good save on the money AND the lip gloss!

Steph said...

Oh this really made me laugh, I had a similar story with my 15 year old... Your lucky though, she takes baths he stands in the shower for hours just lets the water run...

I just cleaned out my purse and same thing hand fulls of change!!!

Stacy said...

Kids always seem to stay in the tub forever, and then blame you. It's what they do! I have a ton of make up I don't wear, a ton of receipts for god knows what, and about 30 pens.

Thanks for joining us today!

Linda Medrano said...

I am the queen of the 5 hour bath. Sometimes I read a whole book in one sitting. (yeah, I get pruney.) But I just keep adding more hot water. I think I need the hydrotherapy to keep myself sane.

I am such a NON litter bug that I keep litter of all kinds in my bag. Then I forget to throw it away. You have such pretty sparkly lips!

Pam (The Reader) said...

Great post! I do understand the tween bath thing...Yikes! :) My briefcase is like your purse. I swear to all that is holy, I don't know how that heavy crap gets in there. I think stuff crawls in and then breeds. (haha)

Dual Mom said...

Make her shower. I guarentee it will cut the time she spends in bathroom. It's too much like work to have to actually stand for that long! haha

White chocolate mochas....mmmmmm. Mocha frappuchino's are a close second.