The other day the tween was taking a bath. For the tween, this is a project that lasts a couple hours. Crazy, I know. She goes in there, sometimes with a book, sometimes just her mp3 player….in the past she has taken her iPod, but that’s an earlier post that I’d rather not revisit. You can…if you’d like!
Anyways, she gets in….listens to music or reads a book. She FORGETS to wash until we say it’s time to get out. That is usally after
we realize she has been missing in action for the past hour we decide it’s been long enough. The other night it took her another 40 minutes to get out of the tub after we told her to GET OUT after one hour.
That would be a total of one hour and 40 minutes to bath a body that is 4’9” and weighs 90 pounds…..
WHAT THE HELL??
So, she finally emerges from the bathroom. I tell her since we no longer had anymore time to review her Math that we would have to start right after school the next day. I am not a slave-driver, people, I swear I’m not…but she FAILED her test last week. FAILED!!! My kids don’t FAIL…..
Anywhoozle….when I told her we would have to start the math review right after school the next day, she says, “Well, why didn’t you get me out of the tub sooner????”
I said, “Are you kidding me? Did you really just say that??”
What I meant to say was :
“You have to be out of your freakin mind!! Did you not hear me hollering at you to get
the fuck out of the tub all those times? Did you not HEAR me threaten to pop the lock on the door? I could have sworn you hollered for me NOT to pop the lock, so you MUST have heard me. Do you KNOW how to tell time? Do you KNOW that for the past 40 minutes I had to stop Pete (step-father) from taking the door off the hinges?? Do you realize I saved your fucking life?? He really was gonna take the door off…me….yeah, I was just gonna pop the lock!!”
She was seriously alarmed when I told her it was 40 minutes since we first told her to come out. Wow…..daydream much??
On a lighter note, I realized today that I have a few serious issues when it comes to my purse.
For one, it’s always so fucking heavy!! It digs into my shoulder, or it slides off from the weight of it which is so very very annoying. I decided to investigate …..
Not one, not two, but THREE handfuls of coins came out of the bottom!! Do you know how many white chocolate mocha’s that’s gonna get this Mamma???
WHAT THE HELL??
Number two issue?? I have a lip gloss fetish…..I need therapy….I need an intervention….ALL of these were in my purse…..
What the hell was I thinking?? Is it because I would think they were lost? Well, they were lost…under all the coins!! But, on the other hand…..I have sparkly lips!!
What do YOU have in your purse that shouldn’t be there? Huh? Do NOT judge me….
I AM the MOM, for Pete’s sake!!