Saturday, May 8, 2010

Addictions Anyone?

Claritin D

Apparently I have a habit or two.  But…can you blame me??  Seriously, I’ve been telling my doctor the same things for the past 4 years or so.  I have pain, I am constantly tired….well, more like EXHAUSTED, but that’s neither here nor there, and I canNOT seem to shed a pound.  My last visit to him I admitted that if I don’t take Claritin D, I don’t stay awake.   All he said was, “verrry eeenteressssting”.

Yeah, isn’t it though??  Very fucking interesting!!

So, I decided to listen to what other people were suggesting and I went to see another physician, an endocrinologist.  This doctor, by the way, is my spouse’s doctor.  I thought being a nurse AND being married to a current patient of his might get me some preferential treatment, you know…as if I was royalty??


 It did not.

I’m just another 40-something Mom coming in complaining of fatigue and pain.  Yep….That would be me.  Old AND tired AND in pain. 

Today I went in for my follow-up after I had several blood tests drawn last week.  The outcome of this?  Nothing.  My labs are all normal.  I don’t have a thyroid problem, my cortisol level is fine so I can scratch THAT as the cause of the belly fat, and there is nothing he can suggest as to why I’m TIRED, in PAIN, and overweight.  He suggested a physician that specializes in Chronic Fatigue.  I say…

                       No. Thank. You.

Done.  I am D-O-N-E.  Does everyone hear me???

              D. O. N. E.

No more docs.  I’m not paying another freaking $20 co-pay evahhhhh again!! 

To make my day even more interesting, I called one of my other doctors because I needed a simple script called in.  Trust me on this one, if you are a woman, you know when you need this certain prescription called in by your “special” doctor.  If you are a man reading this….scroll on down to the next paragraph, pleaseandthankyou.  Yeah.  Enuf said.  Anyways, I was told I needed to make an appointment because I had tried something over the counter that didn’t work, so now he would need to see me.  WTF??  Now, if I hadn’t tried something over the counter, he would have TOLD me to try something over the counter which WOULD NOT HAVE WORKED and by gawd it would be next WEEK before I had this issue resolved!!!  Apparently the side-effect of Neurontin back-fired…..fucking meds!!

In the meantime, as I was sitting at the endocrinologist’s office waiting for it to be my turn to be told that I am normal, I get a text from the Big Sis over at 2010-Year of Miracles.  She appears frantic.  One of her texts actually said:


Wow….sounds serious, yes??

She’s asking if I have any of the medication she is addicted to necessary meds she needs for her sanity because her crazy-ass doc is taking his good old time calling in her script.  Whyyyyy Of Cooooooourse I Doooooooo!!  Then I tell her about my issue with having to make an appointment just so the doc can say, yep… need “blah blah blah”.  She says, “WTF??”  and then says, “Wait!!  I GOT THAT!!  Meet you at Caribou in an hour!!”

Waaaaaaaahooooooooo!  We are in bizness, baby!  One less doc appointment for me, one less co-pay for me, and meds for both the Sis and I!  Now….we just need to make the transaction….conspicuously…..
Oh wait….that’s not what happened…I don’t know what I was thinking.  After having a horrendous day, I miraculously got a call from my Sis who was also having a nervous breakdown a helluva day and we decided, fuck em all and lets treat our own goddamn illnesses let’s meet up for some coffee and chat about it all!!

So you see, that’s what we were doing when we witnessed what seemed to be some sort of “deal” going down in the parking lot….

We drive to the back parking lot follow the suspicious characters behind the building where there is less activity so we can make the transaction we can watch what’s happening in case one of us needs to call for reinforcement.  We look around to see if anyone is watching any other thugs are going to get in on this deal we are witnessing….

We see no one…well, except for the two parties making the deal.

She says, We hear the one say,  “You got the goods?”

I say, The other one whispers,  “Yes, do you?”

She says, The first one says,  “Yes.”

She says, The first one also says,  “You got the cash?”

I say, The other one says,  “Yes. $13 dollars, right?”

(Damn expensive drugs I tell you!! )

She says, The first one says,  “Yes.”

We make watch the exchange of stuff…...


The cash is exchanged…. My Sis and I are ecstatic at having the drugs we need appalled that we are witnessing this!!  In such a lovely neighborhood!!

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I mean, seriously, people…..the one driving the orange car?  Yeah…no white-walls……


…..BUT…….. I did notice quite a collection of baubles hanging from the mirror…..I wonder what had to be done for THOSE??!  Huh???  You get my drift here??


This is serious shit, people!!  I’m not sure what my Sis over at 2010-Year of Miracles would have to say, as she might be heavily medicated have seen the whole transaction in a different light, but Woweeee this was an amazing encounter in my eyes!!

You should maybe check out her blog and be sure I’ve got this right….I’m a little concerned because I have been low on my medication that keeps me sane because I GAVE IT AWAY working alot and you know, I’ve got 3 kids and all that…..she is probably wayyyy  more accurate than I am with recalling such an amazing portrayal of our nursing abilities outlandish experience.

Here’s to you all:

AND Happy Saturday!


Rebecca said...

This is great...if only Sister and I lived closer, I could get free drugs too!

jayayceeblog said...

I laughed all the way through this! You two are too funny and probably trouble!!!

The Empress said...

Oh, you are so hysterically funny...loved reading this!

Cheeseboy said...

This is awesomely awesome. The orange car should have given it away though. Orange cars are like the black, windowless van of 2010.

Your copay is only $20? I've got a $35 copay. Ouch.

Real Dads Hangout said...

Ohhh I get had a yeast infection! Hahaha

Your a total pisser! I love it and I do hope you feel better soon buddy and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

It's nice to help out other's in need. True sisterhood.

Spot said...

I know you said no more doctors, but have you seen a rheumatologist? Sounds like Fibromyalgia to me. (And as established on my blog, I should be a doctor.) And yes, that's a real disease not just crazy woman talk.

Nice exchange of meds! My mother and aunt are both walking pharmacies so they always got the goods!


Happy Mother's Day!

Linda Medrano said...

Happy Mama's Day! Got something for you at my place!

Linda Medrano said...

I wish we lived closer too. I have lots and lots of weird stuff that could probably supplement my income alot! And I'd give it all to you and your sister at a much reduced price!

Aunt Juicebox said...

My doctor hates to write scripts, like paper doesn't grow on trees or something, or the ink is too precious. I really need a new dr. You AND your sister are both seriously funny. ;P

Still On The Verge said...

You are too funny!


Tina said...

OMG too funny. I recognize that car and bracelets... should I turn them in and keep our neighborhood safe?

Anonymous said...

What are sisters for? Drug sister is always in awe when I have left over xanax and it never dawns on me to use it...she is like WTF? Send it over here. LOL


OMG, the captcha word below is's reading our conversation!

pam (The Reader) said...

You crack me up!!!!!!!! :D Thanks for sharing that awesome post!