THIS is my Lunch Hour?

I don’t normally have a “lunch hour” or even a “lunch half an hour”.  I usually just keep on working until I’m done and when I’m done I go become a vegetable behind Caribou coffee shop I go home.

Today I had to go home for an hour to relieve the babysitter for an appointment.  I had great plans of catching up on some blog reading and comment luving.  That was NOT the same plan that my Little Man had.

Me, Little Man and Lil Lady go to the basement.  I get Lil Lady all set up to do her crafty things.  She loves to glue these foam pieces on just about anything, including the walls and furniture if I’m not carefully watching.

I put the TV on for Little Man.  I get myself a snack of cheese and crackers.  I sit down to read some blogs.  I hit “ignore” for a few work phone calls I receive…after all, I deserve a moment, yes??

Within two minutes I’ve picked up Lil Lady’s glue at least 15 times.  I’ve redirected Little Man to stop “skating” across the air hockey table about 7 times.  And now….now I have Little Man sitting on my lap while I try to read.  This really isn’t a big deal, but damn, he keeps putting his head right in front of my left eye…which happens to be my “good” eye, and this is what I see:

THIS is what I was trying to see:

What The Hell??  Seriously, Man, move your fucking head already!!   Come on…link up with the gals over at Blue Monkey Butt for What the Hell Wednesday!

As I was trying to read the screen with my one fucked up eye, Little Man is reaching for whatever he thinks belongs to HIM…and he tips over my coffee.  What the hell??  Come on…can I get a break here??

I clean up the spill….hope the phone still works even though it was in a wading pool of White Chocolate Mocha….and I find a few fun blogs to read.  Then whammo….Little Man touches a button on the mouse and my screen suddenly has this magnifying square on it!!  Niiiice!!  Could benefit from that, but now Man’s head isn’t in the way so the magnifying square is just plain irritating.

I try to get it off. 

I cannot.

I push every single button on the mouse and still the square won’t go away.  I send the spouse a text message begging for assistance.

WHAT THE HELL??  Is this for real??  Is someone playing a joke on me?  Are they laughing their asses off at my expense?  Seriously….

Ok, ok…I get it.  I need to stop trying to do something for ME and pay attention to the little Man…..I gently throw him  remove him from my lap.  I tell him to go hide and I will find him.  He runs!  He loves Hide and Seek.  I get a few minutes to read…..although I have to read and count at the same time, Little Man doesn’t know all his numbers yet so it doesn’t matter in what order I say them.  As long as I use the numbers 1 through 10 I’m safe.

I soon hear, “I readyyyyy!  Find me!!”

I swivel around in my chair to take a look….and am totally dumbfounded by my son’s ability to take a horrifying lunch hour and turn it into the highlight of my day.  I am also amazed at how much he takes after his father.  Because you see….where he chose to hide was so ingenious….so amazingly unique……I kid you not, this kid’s going to Harvard!!

WHAT THE HELL???? 

Amazing that he really thinks I can’t see him, huh?  I love it!!

So, the sitter comes back, I get ready to leave for work again.  I have commented on one blog, I think, and maybe I read two. 

I warm up what’s left of my precious White Chocolate Mocha.  I take one step out the door and I get a text message.  It’s the spouse “promptly” answering my quest for assistance with the magnifying square that nearly put me in a catatonic state….

“What computer are you on?”  is his reply….

Ahhhhh FORGET IT!! 

Too slow Too slow Too slow!!!

I make it to my next patient.  I get out of my car, grab my nursing bag, my phone, my coffee and I get out….but…..somehow THIS happens……..

What the fucking hell???

Can my day be any more fucked up?  I definitely need therapy now….

I’ll be in contact when I am released back into the real world!!