Wednesday, January 13, 2010

“may i stop?”

Oh man, this is gonna be fun!  You know how often you say, “sure, ok” when you really don’t mean it??  Well, Hail to the Chief over at Hiding from the Kids for sharing this opportunity to post what you REALLY want to say when someone asks you to do something, or actually does something that makes your jaw drop below the surface of the earth….Yeah… this is where I get to say WHAT I MEANT TO SAY!!  Ohhhhh Myyyyyyy Godddddddd!  No one, not even my own mother, has ever given me permission to do this. If you want to play along, go to the Chief's site and link up!!

Now, keep in mind that this one will star “Pete”….as in Oh For Pete’s Sake…..He’s my other better half…and we wouldn’t want Pete to get his boxers all in a bunch because I post this…would we?  He is 100% Sicilian……yeah…….enuf said.  But I am going to take the chance because even if he does snoop stop by and read my blog, this whole idea that I am about to discuss with you is NOT new to him.  If he tells you otherwise, just nod your head and know that he is wrong, because I, the WIFE, am always right. 
Here we go…..
Every Monday I can expect a text from my spouse around 4pm which is shortly after I get home from work and the “short people” are off their toddler rockers and the tween is begging to go to a friend’s to do anything but homework.  The text will say….
“may i stop?”
“may i?”
If you don’t know, he’s asking to stop for a beer after work.  The timing of this text message….well….there’s no other way to say it….the timing SUCKS the big wad of Bazooka and I return the text with…..
“do what you want”
But we all know that is not what I really mean to say, right?  After all, that’s what this post is about, thank you again for permission to speak this, Chief!!
What I really want to say in reply to this text that comes on a regular basis is:
No!!!  You cannot stop for a beer, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again!!  Why????  Because you are married to Wifezilla and you took part in making 2 out of 3 of these effing monstrosities we call our children!  So, you will forget about ever having any fun after work at a bar with your friends.  You will come home right after work the same way I do and just deal with it, you I-only-care-about-myself piece of grass!!!!
Regardless, it doesn’t matter what I would say, he would still “stop for one”.  After all, this is the man that has compared his hour or so of “guy time” at the bar to my hour or so of grocery shopping which I get to do once a week also.
What are we to do with you??
(sidenote:  we really do have a good marriage, don’t let me give you the wrong idea.  And like I said, if he tries to tell you this is all a lie, NOD YOUR HEAD and MOVE ON. )


Kat said...

I think you should say what you really want to say...just once. Do it. I dare you :) You will feel SO VERY liberated! LOL!!

Melissa said...

Sounds so much like my husband (only I don't allow him in bars, but that's another blog) and how his 40 hour work week is "different" than my 40 hour work week.
We love our husbands, that is why we don't say "What we meant to say"

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Pssssshhhh.......tell him it's fine, but as soon as he gets home, you'll be handing over dem babies and headin' fo da club yo self!! I'm betting he wouldn't like that AT ALL!

Mine has been doing the same kind of thing this winter, but he's in the woods freezing his butt off wearing camo. I didn't complain (much) this year because my kids are finally both in full time school. I can handle them by myself now without wanting to pull my eyelashes out one by one. I'm also a SAHM. So I get free time.

But if grocery shopping was considered my free time....I would serve my family ramen noddles....every. single. night.

Dual Mom said...

Seriously...he considers grocery shopping as your free time? Man needs a good slap upside the head!!!

Chief said...

hang him by his toenails and poor the beer down his nostrils

he will lose his zeal for it!

Terry said...

Thanks for all your comments!! Funny....the text that came across today at 4:15 was "beer?" and I wanted to say "sure, I'll go when you get home, thanks for asking!!"

Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

The next time he spends time alone in the bathroom "library" tell him that is his "Me time" if grocery shopping is yours.

Times like this make me ESTATIC to be single. When men do shit like this it makes my blood boil. I am really thinking that I might end up in prison on Murder in the Worst Degreee if I ever remarry. LOL.

Hang in there, Sistah!

Terry said...

Thanks Lisa! If you go to jail then I'll help you break free!! And since I AM married...WHEN I go to jail, bring me my mocha!!

Melanie said...

I'm with The Princess of Sarcasm. HaHa! Do we have the same husband? Are they related? Because your husband sounds just like mine! (lol!)

gayle said...

Tell him how you really feel!!

Dual Mom said...

Hey you.....I have something for you over on my blog. :0)