Fess Up? Oh Fawk It!

Seriously, I had a Friday Confessional post ready to go and the un-named blogger Glamazon somehow failed to post her meme this week.  So what if it was Thanksgiving and she was probably knee deep in turkey and dressing…..What the Hell?  Oh wait…that’s a whole other meme from Blue Monkey Butt for Wednesdays…..(Glam, you are forgiven….I’m just missin ya is all)

So, what did I do?  I decided to go with J and Christy with FAWK YOU! Friday!!  Ha!  Appropriate??  

 

 

I over-indulged for Thanksgiving.  I ate turkey and fudge and ham and sweet potatoes and fudge and bean salad and pie and fudge and and AND!!  Wait…did I mention I ate fudge??  Yep….I did….a bit too much fudge.

FAWK IT…I’m still full.  But…if there was any more fudge left, you can bet it would find it’s way into my mouth! 

 

FAWK YOU, FUDGE!  May you R. I. P.

 

 

This week was pretty rotten.  PMS or not, I had a few meltdowns.

I called my doc and promised him I would stop stalking him if he would call me in something to help me calm my ass down.  I confess that I asked for Nicotrol AND Wellbutrin…told him I wanted to quit smoking.  Knowing that Wellbutrin is also used for depression (shhhhhhhhh!) I figured I might kill two birds with one stone.  Or…maybe just one, but hopefully it will be the right one!

 

FAWK YOU, Wellbutrin!  I took ONE pill this morning and I’ve had a splitting headache all fucking day!  You know the kind…you bend over and it’s throb throb throb.  Or you turn your head and it’s throb throb throb.  Or you even blink….yeah, pretty much sucks!

I admit that I was wayy way WAY disappointed that there were NO COMMENTS on my spouse’s post….yeah, the one where he decided to rat me out and  TELL ALL SECRETS. 

 

WHAT THE FAWK, commenters??

 

So sad….so very sad.  (Seriously…get him off my back and comment, would ya???) 

I’m getting worried that my 144 followers are just little square pictures at the top of my blog and that they really don’t come back to read.  Why is that??  I admit…I’m a tad bit emotional about this.  sniffle sniffle….

See the reason for the Wellbutrin plea??  Yeah, fawk you , too!  (delivered with the utmost respect, of course)

 

Happy Friday!

 

 

Pete’s Tell-All Secrets Post

POST #3 by Pete

Some people have asked so I thought I would share a secret…..or five.

I’ll bet nobody knew that Mrs. Sake …………..

………… She ………………… backseat of the car ………… We…………

and wearing glasses ……………………..in bed!!!!! ……..WOW!!!!

I couldn’t believe it!!!!!!     And the kids, let me tell you

that  ………… toys and games. Ugh. …………..    We

always……………the dog. ……………. Never……………….. 

………………  and I have ………………………….

no matter what ……… birdcage .………… vacuum. 

WOULD YOU BELIVE THAT??!!

 

NOT!!!!!!

Thanks for reading!

 

Ah-hem……So….apparently Mr. Sake thought he’d sneak one past me.  I may or may not have edited this post from….ummmm…let’s say like right after the first sentence….

I may also have edited the pic. 

As you may have already realized, no blog post gets past my “proof reading”. 

Booyah!!

 

Who wears the pants, baby???  Huh??  Who wears DA PANTS???

Happy Wednesday!! 

It’s My Right

That’s correct, It’s. My. Right. to be a crabby-ass bitch whenever I want and for however long I want,  regardless if it IS the holidays and my spirit is supposed to be bright.  So there.  Nah-nah Nah-nah Boo-boo!

 

 

Link up with That One Mom…..Which MOM??

 THAT ONE MOM!! 

Go ahead.  What are you waiting for??

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Got a call from my supervisor saying I could come on in today and pick up my check early since this is Thanksgiving week and all that crap.  Nice of her, yes? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Despite my lousy mood, when the Teen asked me to make chocolate mousse, I made chocolate mousse.  And when the Lil Lady said, “Let’s make a cake!!!”  I dutifully made a cake.  I tried to get her 4 year old mind to come up with something to put on the cake other than “Happy Birthday, Lilli” because for the LAST TIME, Girlie…your birthday is NOT for another 10 months!!  But she couldn’t come up with anything….

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Have a bitchy Happy Tuesday!!

What Happened??

Ok, the Spouse….aka PETE….seems to have acquired a liking to this blog stuff.  When I checked what he was doing, I found twenty seven several posts ready to go.  Hmmm….maybe he thinks he’s going to take over MY blog??  Oh, For Pete’s Sake…that’ll never happen!  Regardless, I figured I’d post another by the spouse….He’s got a good point here.  What do you all think?

Post #2 by Mr. Sake

Since when did the world start to spin backwards? Why do I even ask such a stupid hypothetical question? This one may take a few minutes so go use the bathroom (no iPod games, please), grab a beverage and then we’ll contemplate this together……….

……………

                       ………………

        …….done? Ok, let’s think about this.

For a quick rehash, I was born in the mid 60’s to parents old enough to be my grands. They were born during and shortly after WWI, and lived thru the depression and WWII. Life was not by any means easy for them. Neither graduated high school. Both had to work, and work hard to help their families survive.  They learned at young ages that it was all about survival of the fittest. Everything was basic but well earned. Respect was foremost and any advice that parents had to offer was key because they were working even harder just to keep a modest shack of a home. Food was basic and feasts were a luxury.

I was raised with these values. Yes I had a better young life than my parents, but we were by no means wealthy. My dad worked seven days a week. Mom went back to work as soon as my younger brother started school. We had a dedicated telephone, better than the party-line some of our friends had! The TV was black-and-white, heavy enough to be an anchor for an aircraft carrier. There were six TV channels. We had cake on birthdays,  a good Thanksgiving meal, and modest yet fulfilling Christmas celebrations.

We worked in the yard, took care of the garden, and shoveled snow off the drive and walk. Clearing the sidewalk was mandatory. Why? Because it was the nice thing to do for people who walked to catch a bus - that and my parents said we had to. We earned a buck cutting the neighbors grass and if our parents said go help we did – FOR FREE. When Mom said homework the school books better have already been opened. Getting a D was taboo.

When they said go outside and play because we had been watching TV for an hour they meant turn it off……NOW! We had friends we actually saw face-to-face and  had real conversations with. We got bumps, bruises and scrapes and went back for more.  If we got in trouble we got in trouble twice - first immediately once we were found out, and second when dad got home. Three times if other’s parents or the authorities were involved.

Fast-forward: 2010

We have phones on our hips, TV’s in every possible room, and the internet in the palm of our hand. Half of these belong to the kids. They have video games we never dreamt of and couldn't successfully play if we wanted. Pac Man is ancient.

Texting is the way the kids nowadays communicate. Email is old-school, and calling someone on the phone is prehistoric. Nobody has a best friend, they’re  BFF’s. Homework is a parental mission. What the heck is a multiplication matrix? Cognitive thinking isn’t a requirement of school. Classes are based on the lowest achieving student progressing instead of having the class keep up with the fast learner. I had a 3rd grade teacher who stressed the word “sincerely”. Ask your 13 year old to spell it.

In youth sports everybody is on the team and participates. Nobody gets cut.  Nobody sits on the bench. There is no real need to improve because the system is not designed for it. It’s all “feel good”.  What about cutting the kid because he flat-out-sucks? Either he’s got the desire to make the team next year and practices or find something else he’s good at!

When we say to go outside and do something, “it’s a new show” that’s been seen 100 times or “right after I get through this part of the game”.  If kids don’t have something, they want it (thank you Channel 295), and if they have it the new one is better.  Raking the leaves is not necessary because dad will eventually do it. Washing dishes is beneath them. Cleaning up after the pets……

 RU outa yr mnd????????? 

(Learned that one from the Teen)

If you say something you might hurt the kid’s feelings - so say some experts. Hey experts, your parents probably yelled at you, spanked you, and grounded you to you room. You may not have liked it and neither did I. But hey, you learned how to be responsible - successful in school and work. Most of you seem like nice people, too. Just keep your opinions to yourself.

These advocates have some kids thinking they deserve the world without having to achieve. God forbid moms and dads ask something be done, and a spanking is out of the question. They might pick up their cell phone and dial 1-800-FCKMYPARENTS.  Oh wait…. I wonder if they answer text messages…

Welcome to Parenting Y2K+10!!

For My Sake.

So, the Lady has been complaining that she doesn’t have much to write about so I am doing what needs to be done…..as a dutiful husband picking up my wife’s slack offering a helping hand to my Lady when she has a brain fart cannot think, you get to read a post written by ME….PETE…..the namesake of the bashing insightful writings which my backstabbing wonderful wife composes for all to enjoy. So for My Sake, sit back, enjoy, and be gentle with your comments (remember I’m Sicilian and the temper is hereditary, instinctive, and sometimes uncontrollable)

You have read how my wife views everyday occurrences in our lives, and some not so common ones as well. What you never get to see is the other side of the coin. So maybe some background is in order. I waited nearly 39 years to find the love of my life. At that time, never married and with no children, I was fairly settled into the thought that I would never have a love to grow old with. But hey, there are worse things in life, right?

 

 

Work became my love. It was the one thing that I could look forward to every day. Yes I dated and maintained a couple of long-term relationships, but nothing really felt everlasting. I just kept plugging away at my job doing my best and advancing through the company hierarchy until I was second in line under the owner of the company- at 27 years old. After nine years I was supervisor to company personnel of 30 years.

Then I met the future Mrs. Sake. You know that song “You Had Me from Hello”? She did.  I never met anyone so bashful and quiet who was saying so much to me.  Uhuh, yep, she hardly said a word and offered little if any opinion. Hard to believe isn’t it?  But when she spoke she made such an impression on me that there was no possible way I was going to let her get away. I instantly fell head over heels for her. As you may already know, she was widowed with an eight year old daughter. I knew that winning over the little miss was an absolute necessity. Without that I was doomed.

At that time the little miss was eight years old, a bundle of energy, and made me feel like I was whole. Since there were no guarantees, Lady and miss became my pseudo family. Our relationships developed and grew into the base we each needed, or at least what I needed.  (Hey, it’s all about me, isn’t it??)  So, with one hand-picked emerald-cut diamond and a little bit of gold, we were going to officially become a family.

 Onto that fateful  joyous day that the circulation in my left leg was cut off by a gorilla-like grip my lady lovingly squeezed my leg and told me the news that we were now “expecting”.  Expecting WHAT is what I wanted to know.    The fear  joy that I felt was overwhelming. I was going to become a diaper changer have the child I that I always dreamt of!   I was READY!!

 

 

Suddenly my world was changing so fast I could hardly keep up. Work was demanding as always and I now had to prepare for another child. Little miss was all for it!  She wanted to be a big sister so badly and actually convinced us of the name we would finally choose for the newest addition to our family: Lilli.

Twenty-one days passed- actually it was 18 months but it felt like only three weeks. Guys, if any are reading this, let me offer some advice. If you go on a family vacation with children who have earlier bed times, and the wife cracks a bottle of wine to relax, give the wife a half glass and chug the rest of the bottle yourself!  This way she relaxes and you pass out- therefore unable to perform any husbandly duties. Yep, with the condensation from the ocean-side North Carolina humidity collecting on the air-conditioned windows the future Little Man was conceived.

 

 

In a matter of 18 months we went from a 2-kid family to a three-ring circus!  The house was too small, we needed bigger cars, and my Lady had no idea what to do with a son! But I did. The moment he was born I was overjoyed that there was someone to carry on my family name. I wondered if he would be a doctor, a janitor, and afraid he would be just plain lazy. One thing I was certain of, even though I held him first he would get his first kiss from the one woman who was guaranteed to love him no matter what- his mother.

If this post is a bit long for your liking, I apologize.  I’m sure you are sitting there with the same look on your face that Mrs. Sake gets right before she says “you lost me.”  Or you might be feeling the need to blow out my eardrums nicely say, “I don’t need to know this!” like the little miss might do….or….maybe you’d like to hear more.

Feel free to leave a comment and let me know.  (Remember the Sicilian heritage)  Also, in case you didn’t notice, my text color reflects my wife’s opinion.  She believes me to be full of shit, so brown it is and shall ever be.  Ohhh For Pete’s MY Sake!  You all know it’s true!!

Missing Manny

Having a 2 1/2 year old, a 4 year old and a Teen can be trying.  It was easy when there was just the one…..but now…hell, I think I lose a bit of sanity every day. 

I read a blog post the other day….by Rebecca over at Unexplained X 2.  OMG…I was rollingonthefloorlaughingmyassoff kind of giggling to myself.   No kidding.  Why?  Because of how she describes what she does with her little ones just to keep them safe….that is exactly what I do, if not worse.

Are all Mom’s like this?  I do know that a few short weeks ago when I couldn’t find my Little Man for about THREE HOURS I was definitely on my way to a full-blown cardiac arrest!  Oh, ohh-kay…it was more like three MINUTES but still!!  I thought I was headed to meet my maker!

You see, this is how it all went down…..

I went in the bathroom to smoke and play on my iPod take care of business.  I may have been in there a little longer than I should have been, but in my defense, the spouse was in the dining room playing Bejeweled Blitz right on task in case anyone decided to swing from the chandelier.  Yes,  he was definitely watching the little ones with one eye on the computer.

So…I took my time because all was quiet.

WAIT!!  WTF??  There was my clue right there….

 

 

All. Was. Quiet.  Red flag!  Red flag!!  I should have known something was not right.

But I didn’t notice a thing as I came out of the bathroom.

All looked to be completely in order.  The Teen was on the recliner watching TV because this is what she does best.  I walked through the dining room, pass up the spouse who was now going to take his turn surfing the net from his Blackberry in the bathroom.

I walk through the kitchen….nothing amiss there.  I go back to the living room and notice Lil Lady playing her game on the couch. 

Ahhhh…peaceful moment….So…I sit down for like not even 2 seconds.  In fact, I’m not sure my fat ass touched the cushion before I popped up and said, “Where’s Manny??”  Already in a panic because I had been out of the bathroom for a few minutes without hearing him, I ran into his bedroom.  Nope…no Manny there.

I went into my bedroom because he’s been known to climb into my bed and nap on rare occasion (like when he’s dehydrated from the damn flu).  Nope…not there either.

Pulse rate is rising.  Head is starting to pound.  And of course, as Rebecca would say, I was sweating profusely!! 

Where the hell did he go?

I checked the basement.  No Manny laying at the bottom of the stairs with a twisted femur. 

I ran outside on the back porch.  He was not on the porch.  He was not playing in the sand box.  He was not even swinging the hose around like lasso.  Nope.  But then………I notice the garage doors are both wide open which means if he went in the side door of the garage, he could get out front to the street!  Oh my fucking gawd I was gonna die…..

 

 

I took a quick look out front.  I’m screaming his name over and over.  Nothing.  He wasn’t out front.  And if he was, his 2 1/2-year-old legs are a hell of a lot faster than my 43-year-old legs!

I ran back in the house to inform the spouse that on HIS WATCH his Little Man had gone missing.  Yes, I said MISSING!!  He was surely abducted, or he went into the back yard towards the creek.  I was certain of it.  We were gonna be on the 10 o’clock news.  I knew this would happen.  We should have sold this house as soon as we realized we were having a boy because boys don’t listen!!  They run off!  They do stupid things like climbing trees and jumping off garage roofs and playing in CREEKS!!

The spouse ran outside to the back yard.  (As soon as he wiped the dumb look off his face and gathered his wits about him)

Our back yard is not little…and there is a creek wayyyyy in the back….a creek that scares the living crap out of me.  It’s like at least 30 feet deep….No, seriously…it’s not deep except for in a few select spots…but it’s been a nightmare in my past that I don’t really talk about….So, yes, the creek is creepy.

I went back in the house to die to look again…maybe he was in my room but I didn’t realize it because I have so many blankets….ugh….by this time I feel like I have lost several years off my life and when I find him I’m pretty sure I’ll smother him to death with kisses beat his ass.

As I’m in my room mumbling about how-stupid-I-was-to-be-in-the-bathroom-so-long-and-how-brainless-the-spouse-was-for-not-realizing-Little-Man-had-been-kidnapped-right-from-under-his-nose-and-how-does-one-lose-their-kid-in-their-OWN-house–when-there-are-2-adults-and-a-teenager-to-keep-an-eye–on-him, I hear a little voice come across the monitor.  Yes, we still use the monitor because one never knows what will happen when we are sleeping.  (Or when we are just using the damn bathroom!!)  He says, “I right here, Mommy!”

WHAT THE FUCK??  If I hear him over the monitor that means he’s not in MY room, and he’s not outside in the creek, and he’s not laying smooshed in the street…and…..he’s…..OMG!!!  He’s in HIS room!!  The first fucking place I had looked!!

Yes…he was “just hiding” in Lil Lady’s bed.  Under ALL her stuffed animals and pillows.

 

 

He was so damn cute when he popped his head out of there that I couldn’t beat him.  He was grinning from ear to ear which shows his dimples….Soooo not funny, Little Man.  I betcha can’t tell I’ve gotten a little gray-er up top in the past 3 minutes, now can ya??  Would you like to count my heart rate you little shit??  Huh?  Would ya?? 

So, you see…life is never dull around here.  And yes, Rebecca, I think all Mom’s have the moments that make us sweat….and that, my dear friends, is why God…or someone else (Mr. Secret?)…invented antiperspirant/deodorant!  Cuz we never ever EVAhhh wanna let them see us sweat! 

 

Your turn!  What makes YOU sweat??

It Really Is OK.

So, have you heard of the MeMe “It’s Ok Tuesday”?  Probably not because the WhisperingWriter over at Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock at a Time hasn’t made it INTO a MeMe….but ya know what?  I threatened told her I was going to do it as a MeMe and link up to her post….Just becasue I CAN.

And I Am.

Go on, you can too!  He he he….She would love for you to visit her, I’m certain of that!

 

Drum roll…..

It’s ok to cook a roll of sausage even though it clearly states “use on or before October 10, 2010” and the current date is November 15th, 2010.  Just be certain to throw it away immediately after cooking and follow it promptly with at least a cup of bleach to clean out your drain.

It’s ok to let your heart sink into your stomach when you look at your Little Man’s pouty face and crocodile tears as you leave him with the sitter.  Just keep on moving…this too shall pass.

It’s ok to bitch to the manager at the grocery store when the crackers you were buying BECAUSE they were only 99 cents rang up at $1.99.  Seriously…that’s 2 bucks more than I planned on spending.  (I bought 2)

It’s ok to cringe at the noise of falling objects upstairs when being downstairs.  Especially when it’s just you and the puppy at home.

It’s ok to lose a few lives over this picture….

 

 

…Especially when you know what that cabinet holds…..

 

 

It’s ok to vomit just a little when one of your elderly patients is explaining how HIS friend helped disimpact HIM while HE squatted in the bathtub like a sumo wrestler.  Yes, this is definitely ok.

 

 

It’s ok to hide in the bathroom for 45 minutes each night and play Pocket Frogs, Bejeweled Blitz, and catch up on Facebook from your iPod.  Nobody should question what’s taking you so long in there.

It’s ok to eat entire bag of crackers mentioned above while you are blogging.  (Remember…there is a second bag left)  Just be sure to eat the healthy salad beforehand.

And last of all, it’s ok to link up to The WhisperWriter’s blog as if she is having a MeMe.  I don’t think she will hurt you or anything crazy like that….she is too busy shoveling snow and drinking hot chocolate.

 

HAPPY TUESDAY! 

or better yet….

 

HAPPY IT’S OK TUESDAY!!

Stupid Idea #347

Ok, so I’m a Mom and sometimes I have these visions of me sitting with my kids and doing some “crafts”. 

 

 

Yeah…that is SO NOT my family….they are too neat and well, ummmm…happy.  (photo compliments of Google)

You see, I love to do crafts and the kids, being a by-product of ME, should also LOVE to do crafts.  Yes?  What craft??  Christmas cards, of course!!!

‘Tis the season to do stupid shit!!!

Sooooo….I got out the case with all the different papers, the card stock, the stickers, the glue, the embellishments, the ink pads….We had all kinds of paper to chose from.  All kinds of stampers.  Markers and pens and different types of scissors.

Ahhh, the scissors!!  Lil Lady, she’s 4, she is very good with scissors.  Little Man?  Not so much.  He scares the living shit out of me when he picks up any scissors.  It was such a fight that I took both pairs of the sharp scissors and in order to keep them from the Little Man, guess where I put them?  In my fucking bra!!  Am I insane or what??

 

 

Seriously…who hides scissors in their BRA??  I can tell you this…at one point I actually forgot where I put them…but a little shift this-a-way and HOLY  HELL  I certainly remembered quite quickly…and painfully.

Considering they are creatures from another planet toddlers, I have to give them credit for at least trying to participate in this stupid fucking grand idea I had.  They absolutely LOVED the shiny glittery stuff I bought to use on these Christmas cards that I really wanted us to make…as a FAMILY….

It took Little Man less than 2.1 seconds to pop the top off the glitter tube and SHA-ZAMMMM!!!  Green glitter….everywhere!

 

 

I succeed in making one card that I wouldn’t send to my worst enemy could be used in case of an emergency….and Manny colored his card AND Lilli’s because Lilli was too busy playing with the glitter that had gotten everywhere.

Oh…and add a crazy Cali dog to the mix….yep, even SHE was glittered!!  I must say her sparkling nose was quite cute!  Took my anger away…sort of like Calgon….or Caribou coffee!  I think the spouse is still worried that he will go to work sparkling tomorrow.   (And For Pete’s Sake!  We all know that he doesn’t sparkle!)

Anyglittermess, our cards did not turn out like these:

 

 

They looked like this:

 

 

It could have been fun.  It could have been quality time spent with the kids.  Shit, ok…it WAS quality time spent with the kids, but it sort of turned into a nightmare.  The next time I have a bright idea like this, will someone please shoot me in the fucking foot??

Thank you kindly in advance!!

I. Am. Done.

It’s that time…and I’ve been MIA, so I might have a lot to “confess”…if you do too, go ahead and link up with Glam over on her blog…she would greatly appreciate it, and you will feel a whole lot better, too!

 

Last weekend my Gram died.  Although it was sad, and she will be greatly missed, I confess that I am happy she is in a better place.  I am not kidding when I say I witnessed the stress leave her body as she comfortably passed from this life to the next.  It was VISIBLE!  After several years in a nursing facility where she received total care, as well as had extreme difficulty expressing herself verbally….well, I imagine right now she is talking up a storm!  God Bless Her!!

I also confess that as she passed away I looked at her and thought…”Wow.  Isn’t SHE the lucky one?  SHE gets to see my Mom and my Grandpa and my late spouse….What more could she ask for?”

_________

I confess that as Little Man puked for nearly a week, I totally did not act like the awesome Mom that I am, and I ran the other way when he would say, “BUCKKKKKK-ET!!!!”  Yep….I don’t do puke.  Sorry, Little Guy….I just couldn’t.  Sorry I let it get on your shirt.  Sorry I wanted to tilt your head backwards instead of forwards just so it would go back down instead of coming out.  So, so sorry.

_________

My heart broke for Little Man when I took him to the ER for IV fluids. 

 

 

He was just so drained that I thought a bit of intravenous fluids might perk him up a bit.  But…when they put the IV in and his crocodile tears ran down his cheeks…ohhhhh….that was tough!  And when he looked at his arm and then looked at me and said,

 

“Is my arm hurt??”

 

 

Ohhh, I just wanted to hold my baby!!  My poor little guy!  He had no idea it was no longer ok to spurt liquid mess from his tushie or to upchuck every day….nope, this was not ok with the Mom….Sorry, Big Guy…

When the IV was done, Little Man yanked off his ID bracelet and promptly stated…

 

“I. Am. Done.”

_________

Today when I was informed by my supervisor that the $400 I receive extra each month from them for “medical benefits” would no longer be available to me…Yeah, I pretty much wanted to commit a crime.  A very BIG crime. WTF?  The letter said they were trying to avoid taking this away for “at least the last 10 months”….WELLLLLLL……why now then?  Why right before the holidays?  WHYYYYY when they know my financial situation because THEY are the ones that have PUT me here???  First they cut down on my patient load.  They said it would go back up and it hasn’t.  Then this.  When my spouse figured it out, they have cut me by nearly $20,000 for the year.  Fuckers!  And no, I am not sorry to say that.  And so….as I look for another job, I dream of the day I leave that message for my current employer stating….

I. Am. Done.

________

WE had Chinese for dinner. 

Yes, I am confessing that.  Chinese is BAD.  Yes it is.  But it was damn good and my ankles and happily swelling as I type. 

Anychowmein, the Teen didn’t like her chicken.  Said it was “gross” and “mushy” and “disgusting”.  The spouse got mad at her for being so opinionated as he was trying to eat his Egg Foo Yung.  What was I doing?  I was waiting on everyone….cuz this is apparently MY JOB.  My food got cold.  It tasted like shit.  The toddlers didn’t like the rice.  I made them pasta instead.  Then the Teen needed pasta too.  Then a big ordeal became of her not being able to find the basil because this is how she eats her pasta…buttered with basil. 

The dinner ended with Lil Lady crying that her butt hurt because she did not wipe well enough, or maybe almost had an accident, or maybe…who the fuck knows.  Her ass hurt and she needed a bath.  The spouse does this and he needs to be praised for that at least.  Yes, he is the official bath giver. 

But tonight….yep…Little Man pooped in the tub.  Bad news there is all I can say.

The Teen wanted to know what was going on in the bathroom.  The spouse didn’t feel like explaining.  The Teen doesn’t like when he doesn’t answer her.  The spouse doesn’t like when the Teen feels she’s ENTITLED to his answer. 

And on and on and FUCKING ON IT GOES!!

Seriously.

I made at least 10 trips clearing off the table.  I washed the dishes.  I put away the left-over Chinese that I will most likely throw in the trash next weekend.  I read the spouse’s fortune from his cookie.  I do  not recall what it said.  I read the Teen’s fortune…something about “having a heart of gold”….sweet, yes?  Then I thought…where the fuck is MY cookie???

 

 

I got my cookie….as the Teen and the spouse continue to argue over every little thing…..

Amazing….

 

I think….

I really think…..

….this is the ONLY time my fortune cookie knew what the hell it was talking about!!

AND…I confess…this is the ONLY time I actually agreed with my fortune cookie!  So…I am done trying to make the Teen and the Spouse like eachother.  I confess…..

 

I. Am. Done.

Happy Confessions!