The End of 2009

Well, here we are at the end of another year.  Have you accomplished your goals?  Are you more ahead than you were at this time last year or have you fallen behind?  I am uncertain where I stand on this.  On one hand, I have managed to keep my children from killing themselves and each other.  I would think  that was definitely an accomplishment!  I have succeeded in keeping Little Man from acquiring any broken bones as he climbs tables, TV stands and multi-tiered shelving units.  I have managed to keep all children from escaping thru doggie doors. 
I have also managed to not pummel my spouse with the nearest club-like object when he pisses me off.  Instead, I have perfected the look of “WTF are you doing??” and “WTF are you talking about??”  I have taught him to not leave his stubbles behind after trimming the facial hair that I so adore.  I have taught him to leave a spotless countertop after making his lunch (although he doesn’t always follow through, I have to believe the intention is there). 
I have passed on to my tween the ability to whine for what she wants, and she does it quite well.  I have taught her the art of “out-of-sight-out-of-mind-and-my-room-looks-clean” strategy when it comes to straightening up her room before having any friends over.  Apparently, without even knowing it, I have taught her how to stand up for her beliefs when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex….namely, her step-father.  I must say, she has learned to speak her mind, turn an argument around so that she always appears right, and make the other person forget what the hell the argument was about in the first place.  THIS is the heart of a “woman-in-training”.
I have encouraged my middle child to be the woman she was born to be.  She shows her independence as she wakes up each morning on her own, gets her own breakfast of Oreo cookies and a Tupperware container of water that she drinks with a spoon. Her intelligence shines through as she shows her PaPa how to navigate through Pixie Hollow on her Nintendo DS.  She has shown she has high self-esteem as she refuses to sit on the potty because it “hurts her [precious] butt”.  By the way, this little “woman” is three years old.
So….looking at all my accomplishments over the past year, have I really failed at anything?  Haven’t I shown progress in SOMETHING, for Pete’s Sake??  Of course I have, but there are some failures.  I have NOT lost one bit of weight despite the membership to Weight Watchers, the cutting out of carbs, the recent fast from Diet Coke, and the decrease from 10 white chocolate mochas to 8 each week…..
I also have not managed to get my children on a sleeping schedule that allows the spouse and I to have any alone time.  I once bragged what a great sleeper the Little Man was, but then all hell broke loose and he has learned to manipulate us the way his sisters do.  I have not managed to get the tween to accept any chores for pay.  I have not managed to get the Lil Lady to sit her princess-ass on her potty more than a handful of times.  I have not managed to get the tween and spouse to see eye-to-eye on even ONE topic.  And, last of all, I have not won the lottery (this was number one resolution of 2009). 
So, for the coming year, I am not going to set specific goals or make specific resolutions.  I am aiming just to be the best wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend that I can be.  I will give my all to everyone.  I will not be selfish.  I will keep my mouth shut in the grocery store when some rude bitch takes off my Achilles tendon with her shopping cart.  I will not flip off the person that feels the need to honk and pass me when I am going the posted speed limit.  I will keep a straight face when the people of Walmart so totally amaze me with their mind-blowing stupidity.  Most important of all, I will love my children and spouse unconditionally despite the fact that they have perfected getting on my last nerve, and I will be happy in 2010…..
How about you?  Do you have any resolutions or are you happy with who you are??

My Letter To Santa

It has probably been a good 20 30 years since I wrote a letter to Santa, but I thought maybe I would give it a try this year.  After all, isn’t he the  Big Guy in the North Pole that is supposed grant your Christmas wishes?  And he’s magical…so why not give it a shot??
Ok, so maybe I haven’t been all that good this year, but I have really put forth the effort which, in my book, always stands for something.  Maybe I did leave my spouse snoring in the recliner on purpose one too many times, and maybe I didn’t.  Maybe I did lose my patience a little more than I should have while trying to wake the lazy whining doesn’t know how to go to bed tween, and maybe her perception of how the mornings go is just a little twisted.  Maybe I did remove the Little Man from the top of the TV table a little too quickly causing him to land on his ass….and maybe I didn’t.  And maybe I did sneak the Lil Lady into my marital bed and then stretch the truth by saying she was frightened…or maybe not. 
Regardless, I am a good person and I try to portray the patience of a saint when I really feeling like beating the shit out of shaking some sense into three quarters of the people I encounter each day.  I try to show that I have it all together when inside I am a bundle of nerves.  I let people believe that I have all actions, reactions and emotions under complete control when in fact, I am so out of control it even surprises me! 
So, if I were to write a letter to Santa today, this is what it might look like:
Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I am not asking for anything material.  You can keep the diamonds I am certain my spouse is planning on getting me.  You can keep the new fuzzy bunny slippers that I know I said a million times that I wanted.  You can pass on to another deserving soul the heated mattress pad that I beg for each night (I will continue to use my spouse’s heat and my 24x12 inch heating pad). 
There doesn’t need to be any elegantly wrapped gifts for me under the tree, for what I want cannot be wrapped in shiny silver paper with a bow slapped on top.  First of all, what I want is some Christmas Spirit.  Somewhere between the stack of bills and the outrageous economy, my spirit has been crushed.  I’ve tried to revive it with Christmas music (in fact, I’m listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks sing YOUR song right now) but with each song my heart just gets heavier and heavier.  If I just had some Christmas Spirit, I know I could make this Christmas special for the little ones without putting myself further in debt.  Other than Christmas Spirit, I am good to go, but I have a few things I would like for my loved ones.
I would like to ask for some sense of normalcy when it comes to my family.  I would like some restraint for Little Man so he can stop his climbing on every surface that is considered off limits.
I would like to ask for some control for Lil Lady so she may learn to use the potty like a big girl. If you cannot bring her control, can you bring her a princess potty that won’t “hurt her butt”? 
For the Tween I would like some sleepy dust (preferably 6 years worth) so that she can fall asleep when needed.  If you cannot bring the sleepy-dust, can you wrap up a bit of “wakefulness” for school mornings?
And last, but not least, for my spouse….could you please find it in your heart to bring him a truck load of multitasking-know-when-to-end-a-conversation-bring-up-the-laundry-baskets-pick-up-his-clothes-don’t-leave-dirty-dishes-in-the-sink-overnight-stop-stealing-the-covers –not-having-to-stop-for-one(beer)-after-work ability?  I know this is a lot to ask for, but as I said, it’s immaterial and should not cost a whole lot. 
And if by chance you cannot grant the wishes I have asked for my loved ones, if you just box up a bit of sanity for me I think I can handle the rest.
And for Pete’s Sake, have a Merry Christmas and thank you for being so magical!
Pete’s Lady 

I WANT THIS…

Ok…I don’t usually go overboard and enter all these contests, but I figured what could it hurt??  I stumbled upon a tweet by @MckMama about a HP Touchsmart 600 computer and of course as I’m sitting here on my little mini laptop, Little Man is beating the beegeebers out of the full-size laptop that my husband swears will never work right again since those chubby hands got a hold of it.
So I went to check out the contest and I really want this computer!!  I would definitely hang it on the wall way up out of toddlers’ reach.  I would be quite selfish with it for a while but then probably let other family members LOOK at it….then maybe touch it…..briefly…
So I entered the contest in all the places I could, I commented, I posted, I tweeted..I did everything shy of screaming my bloody head off that I NEED THIS COMPUTER for PETE’s SAKE!!
I've commented over at Kelly's Korner, A Year of Slow Cooking, My Charming Kids, The NieNie Dialogues, and BooMama.
You can find the official rules here.  Go ahead..try to win one too!!!

25 Things…

 Ok, this is called a meme.  As a rule, I really shy away from these because they can be so revealing…IF you answer truthfully.  Of course, you could decide to sugar-coat your answers making yourself out to be one hell of a great person, but who would do that?  Not me, of course…

So, I was tagged by WeaselMomma over at WorldofWeasels to complete this meme of 25 questions. Whew…25 is alot!  This leaves me feeling quite vulnerable thrilled that someone cares enough to want to know MY answers.  Here goes nothing….but I warn you in advance, if you chose to use any of this against me, I have a very good attorney….
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.

Meryl Streep


2. Where was your first kiss? I think my first kiss was during one of our family camping trips.  Hmmm..that’s the first one I remember anyways…it was bad, I wore glasses, didn’t realize I should take them off…yeah, can you say FOG??

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? OMG!!  No!!!

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Ok..yes, I did take a miniature baseball bat and whack my brother on the back with it when we were kids.  What?! It was something to do…

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Never Never Never would I dare….

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Eyes…definitely eyes.  Not talking about color here, I’m talking about what the eyes are saying. Are they saying “I’m honest”, “I’m as sweet as a teddy bear”, or “I’m on crack”…yes, the eyes are important.

7. What really turns you off? Cheating, whining, cheating, selfishness, cheating, oh…and did I say CHEATING??

8. What do you order at Starbucks? WHAT?? Starbucks?  Are you out of your mind?  I would only order a white-chocolate-mocha-no-whip-please from Caribou..In fact, the people at MY Caribou are my best friends…and it’s not because I don’t have any other friends.
9. What is your biggest mistake?  Ok…I know I said I have a good lawyer and all that, but I am not going to open myself up for this one.  Can we just say that I’ve made millions a few?

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Oh please, I have the lowest tolerance for pain and do everything I can to NOT get hurt.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I wear a total of 6 rings but only on 4 fingers…weird…


12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? I used to look like Olivia Newton John, but now she’s old, and I’m not.  I was once told I looked like Reba Macintyre…umm….do I smile like that?  I hope not…

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I love all Disney films, and as for TV shows, iCarly rocks!!

14. Did you have braces? Yes, and since then I despise the dentist…sorry….




15. Are you comfortable with your height? What’s wrong with 4’2” …..I mean 5’2”?

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Hmmm..that must have been at my first wedding when my new groom was found helping one of his volleyball team girls puke….oh wait…you said “romantic”…um, romance has been sparse for me….

17. When do you know it’s love? You can tell by the way he looks at you, listens to you bitch, and lets you have the last few drops of morning coffee.


18. Do you speak any other languages? I speak “mom-speak” as in get-your-ass-out-of-bed-pick-up-your-room speak….
19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? That used to be how I got my naps.  Now I am pale and tired.

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes…for good occasions…and bad….don’t like them.

21. What’s something that really annoys you? I am not sure I can answer this one without going off on a tangent but one specific thing is when someone drops the ball….just totally quits when things need to be done….you know, just becomes a lazy ass good for nothing slug….worthless.  (how’d I do?)


22. What’s something you really like? Friends and family you can count on.

23. Can you dance? I’m currently perfecting the potty-dance. That’s the extent of the groove I’ve got.


24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No.


25. Tag 5 people!  Ok….I wouldn’t do this, but @WeaselMomma has asked me to  so here it is, the 5 I tag  are @LadyWanderlust , @Realdadshangout, @lilmommasmom, @MiniMaura (cuz she has nothing better to do), and @DadUnmasked (cuz he’s @MiniMaura’s twusband).  Sorry guys….it’s the rules, so play nice for Pete’s Sake!!!

It’s Not A Bird

….. it’s not a plane, and it’s not Superman….it’s my “Little Man”!   Although I must say, he is faster than a speeding bullet…he can climb speakers mountains in less than 2.2 seconds…and then destroy the DVD player and all contents on top of player save any damsel in distress who may be at the top of that mountain.

In all his gracefulness he can outsmart any three year old sister that is trying to dunk his ass villain........................

Yes, this is my “Little Man”…the one that lights up my mornings with his giggle from his crib just after 3 year old sister provided him with a red stamper….

He’s the one that can make me do the what-the-hell-was-that-about stare when he throws his body to the floor in a complete full-blown tantrum all because the tower of blocks that he stacked keeps falling. 

Little Man is the one that makes the Daddy proud when he yells out “yeahhhhh!” during a football game….sounding JUST LIKE A MAN….yet not knowing what the hell football is.

He’s the one that blessed my life with his presence just 18 short months after his sister was born.  He’s the one that  sprouted because I was too scatterbrained too busy to fill my “prescription” before going on vacation….enjoying long nights of lots of wine and nooky….

  Seriously, this little guy will keep you hopping 24/7 without a break.  He can only speak a few words which include his one sister’s name “Lillllll-ayyyyyyyyy” and “Dadddeee”.  He just recently started walking around the house saying “Ma-Ma…Ma-Ma” yet he will walk right past me while saying it so either he doesn’t know who his Ma-ma is or he’s not really calling my name…ugh….ego boost fail.  My husband assures me that having a son is a special blessing because all sons will treat their mothers like royalty when they get older.  I look forward to that day instead of the current head-butts for a hug, and the climbing up my back when I sit on the floor.

                                          I look at my Little Man and wonder what he will be when he grows up.  Will he be a heartthrob to the ladies with his dark brown eyes and eye-lashes that every female only dreams of?  

Or will he make it through college with a Masters Degree in Engineering?  Will he become a doctor.....                                                          

  

                                                                                                    

 

A police officer who will keep his city safe?  Or a famous chef???

In the long run…it’s doesn’t matter what Little Man becomes other than a respectful human being with values and morals and a large bank account so he can take care of his aging parents a love for life.  Right now I can look in his eyes and I see the mischief…I see the adventures just waiting to be had, the curtains mountains he wants to climb….all of his dreams and hopes….and no matter how many times I have to remove him from the table top….I love this Little Man….and as we near Thanksgiving, I want to be sure it’s known I am thankful for the distraction of Little Man in a world that can be less than desireable at times. 

Don’t get me wrong, my girls do not mean any less to me….I love them just as much.  In a nutshell, my kids are my world…..Manny is just the one that keeps me on my toes!

Forget all the irritating people at the stores, the aggravating traffic you may have to fight each day,the money you wish you had and count your blessings ……. Because we ALL have BLESSINGS to be thankful for!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Why am I Crying?

Yesterday when I was reading the tweets that were coming in about @AnissaMayhew and how she was in ICU after suffering a stroke, the tears came so easily for this lady that I have not met, I have not tweeted or even followed.  Amazing how many tweets kept coming through with the hashtag #prayersforanissa!  Absolutely A-mazing!
So, I was curious…..who is this Anissa??  What is so great about her?  I checked out her site Aiming Low where she is “taking low to new heights” and thought, hmmmm….pretty interesting.  Then I checked her out at her other site Free Anissa where her tagline reads “With the purchase of an Anissa of Equal or Lesser Value”.  This is when I thought…ohhhh, she’s not only interesting, but funny too! 
From reading through her posts, I have gathered that Anissa is a beautiful lady, has a way with words, and loves her family and friends.  From battling cancer with her little Peyton to planning a Disney Cruise “without family”, she has become an integral part of the social media world.  From all the tweets with #prayersforanissa that I saw last night (and yes, I retweeted as many as I could), I have come to the conclusion that this Anissa Mayhew is loved.  Her family is loved.  Her friends adore her to no end and will put themselves out there for her.  THIS to me is awesome….and I cry. 
I cry because I know how it is to have a loved one sick.  I cry because I am a nurse and have taken care of people that have suffered a stroke and know the recovery time is going to be difficult…. for Anissa….for her family.  But I also cry with amazement because she has such a wonderful support group.  Close friends, blogger friends, twitter friends and facebook friends.  There are so many prayers being said for her at this very moment that she MUST be feeling it.  She sounds like a strong woman……one that didn’t deserve this unexpected twist of fate.
This morning I read a post by @lilmommasmom over at her new blog Worldofmomma where she prays for Anissa and a speedy recovery.  @lilmommasmom is a Twitter friend.  I also read a post by @5minutesformom, 2 sisters – Janice and Susan who have met Anissa….they have worked together…they are friends.  The tweets coming across from @5minutesformom were heart-wrenching…the sisters were devastated to hear of their “precious friend” in ICU. 
Overall, my heart goes out to all of Anissa Mayhew’s friends whether they are in her day to day life, on twitter, through her blogging, or on facebook.  My tears are for the pain each of you is feeling at your helplessnes and shock.  My love and prayers go out to Anissa and her family.  I hope for a full recovery for her, and after reading all about  Anissa, her family, her life which she shares through her blogging….I hope one day I can be blessed with a tweet from her that says “I’m back Tweeps!”  and at that point I will probably cry some more…..
Blessings to you, Anissa….this post was for you from a person who has never met you, never tweeted you, and up until  now…wasn’t even following you!  I bet you had no idea you were so loved!

BUSTED!

Ok…I know it’s been a little while since I last posted, but if you must know…I’ve been helping a friend.  She came to me one day and asked what I would do if I found  out that my husband was  viewing pics on the internet.  I’m not talking about pics of crazy-I-have-to-have-it lawn equipment, or even pics of bikini models, or even p()rn pics…..I’m talking about pics of REAL women….REALLY nekkid or NAKED!!  However you say it, they have no freakin clothes on!!  Apparantly these women are being viewed on FLICKR.com and I’m pretty sure you have to do a search for said women in order to view them.  Hmmmmm…..makes me wonder what brings her husband to this point…..to seach for nekkid/NAKED women….in the little bit of free time he gets.  I’m certain they have a reasonably good marriage, with happy children, but sure….they are under some stress and have little time for each other, but SHE is not searching and viewing NAKED MEN in her little bit of free time!  (who would??)

I told her she needed to confront him.  After all, if you don’t say what it is that is bothering you, it can eat you alive!  You can become a very irritable and nasty person to anyone that crosses your path!  It’s not fair to your children, your co-workers, your friends, or the cashier at the grocery store that you bitch out for scanning your box of Wheat Thins twice.  Most of all, it’s not fair to YOU.  No, it’s not fair at all.

So, she’s been trying to come up with a way to confront him.  She is soooooo NOT the Queen of Confrontation!  She is normally a very quiet person, except when someone does her wrong. (yes, the cashier lady again…)  She thought she might send him an email…..

Honey,

While I was searching your browsing history to see what you’ve been viewing signing on to Facebook on your computer, I got as far as www.f and a site called www.flickr.com popped up.  I was curious as to what this was.  I clicked on it and was then prompted to log in with my yahoo ID.  I proceeded to log in with your my ID and found recent pics of women that had been viewed.  I was shocked! mortified! embarrassed!……….I wanted to beat the living shit out of you…..

Yeah…you see why an email would not work?  She would get so far and her reasonable self would be overtaken by the evil-I-want-to-kill-you self.  She then thought maybe a few words in a text might let him know what SHE now knew and the amount of words would be limited, right?

Text #1  Hey, I was on your computer and found that you were looking at naked women…naked effing women??  come on….REALLY??  (too blunt?)

Text #2  Hey honey…the naked women pics that you were viewing keep popping up on your computer…can you tell me how to stop that from happeni  (out of characters)

Text #3  I am sorry to say that I can no longer look at you without feeling ill……  (just mean)

No…you see….nothing was working for her….she was really feeling lost.  She wanted to scream at him, kick him in the num-effing-nuts but also knows this is a guy thing.  Knows that many guys do this.  She didn’t even want to know WHY he was doing it.  That one was obvious…he’s a MAN!!  But she wasn’t yet ready to forgive him for looking at other REAL NAKED/nekkid women…oh no she was NOT ready to for-give.  She was at the point of needing to punish….punish with a capital “P”.  She thought….oh…..maybe she would blog about it, but then thought maybe that might not be a good idea because who knows who might read her blog and feel sorry for her.  She is so not into the “you poor thing” sentiments……So, blogging was out (for her anyways).  Then she had a plan.  It would take some thinking….and it would take a little bit of devious behavior, but she really did have a good plan….with a little help from her bestest friend…..(that would be me, of course).

This is how it went……..

She made an account….on www.flickr.com.  Ohhhh yes-she-did!!! …..and she was annonymous to anyone who would see her there.  She posted a pic.  Oh yeahhhhh this is good………………………………… She then invited her spouse to view her pic.  You can do that on flickr.com……did ya know? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well…..Now you do…..

As you can see, she made sure it was not easy to recognize her.  She left him a simple message stating…

“Honey, I love you, but in the future, if you are going to view the naked bodies of other women, please do it from the comfort of your OWN home…which will not be THIS one.”

Seriously people….she does love her man and she would do anything for him as long as he would get down on his knees and kiss her feet but it really felt wrong to her to have stumbled upon what he was viewing.  So, men, boys, spouses, jackasses….if you are going to do such things….yes, they are pretty much harmless, but can you learn to DELETE YOUR HISTORY???  Please??  Otherwise, you might be in the same situation as my friend’s hubby……..embarrassed, probably a little pissed, but definitely……..

                  BUSTED!!!

The Pig Label

So, we all know that the H1N1 (swine flu, pig flu, deadly flu) is pretty serious, right? Absolutely. Especially if you are elderly and frail, a young child, a person with underlying medical conditions, or pregnant. What I don't understand is that if it is such a serious thing going on, a flu pandemic is what they are calling it, why on earth are the ER's taking it so nonchalantly and diagnosing everyone that has a stuffy nose with it?? Why, when I go in the ER today and just start talking about symptoms do they slap a mask on my face??

Seriously, if they could be a little quicker with their assessments, I wouldn't have to sit with other people potentially contaminating them. You'd think by now they would have come up with a "room" or "pig sty" for those having certain symptoms to wait in. This way the pigs can be separated from those with sprained ankles or hip dislocations....I'm just saying....

According to the ER, I am just another "pig in a blanket". No, I am not a croissant-wrapped mini hotdog you'd find at a cocktail party, but I have been labeled as having the H1N1/SWINE FLU. I realize we need to trust in our doctors, but come on folks....yes, I had the symptoms of the swine flu that started last Friday, but today I went in the ER because I was having trouble breathing. You know, the big SOB....No, no, no, nobody called me or you a SOB, and I certainly did NOT call the ER doc a Sonofa-Beeotch....although I would have liked to. SOB stands for Shortness Of Breath...and I was having it, of THAT I can be certain. Apparantly this ER doesn't treat that sort of thing when it's in conjunction with swine flu symptoms even if you had said flu symptoms 4-5 days ago and are not having any of those symptoms at the moment. I would NOT have gone to the ER for flu symptoms, and I didn't. I went because my doc was not available, another doc I called could not fit me in until the next day in which case I might not be writing this blog, and I could not breathe!! My head was ready to explode, my eye sockets hurt, my nose is so stuffed I couldn't even smell the Vicks Vapor Rub I rubbed on my chest the night before. To me, all those things indicate sinus infection or maybe some serious chest congestion.....of course, how would I know? It's only MY body which happens to have a BRAIN...one that has 20 years nursing experience and the initials RN, BSN after my name....Do you THINK I know when I need an antibiotic? And does this ER doc THINK I was asking for an antibiotic for the flu which is viral and won't respond to an antibiotic?? Oh come on...let's be serious....

This ER doc stood at least 5 feet away from me because I was wearing the dreaded PIG paraphenalia....you got it...the "PIG MASK".

The conversation went like this:

ER Doc: And what brings you in today? (All I heard was, "Pig, how are you feeling?")

Me: Shortness of breath, bronchospasms. Was sick last Friday, better with all that. Just thinking I have a sinus infection/need my lungs checked. A little dizzy. My ears are blocked. My head hurts. My eye sockets HURT! I can't smell Vicks VapoRub!!! (what I really wanted to say was, "Like Bacon, doc, fried...")

ER Doc: Probably H1N1, you need rest, fluids, tylenol.

He then very carefully reaches out with his stethescope and with his 4 foot rubber arm he listened to my lungs. I inhaled deeply...well, as deeply as I could before hacking my left lung out, and he said, "your lungs are good". Really? Seriously?? Can you just hand me my lung that's laying on the floor, please??

ER Doc: No need for a chest xray. You need to follow up with your doctor or return here if you have trouble breathing or any dizziness.

Me: Ummm....that's why I'm here today.....cough cough HACK (Oink, oink, oink....)

ER Doc: (after a pause) So, Nursey Nurse will be in with your discharge instructions. You get your rest, kiddo.

You've gotta be shittin me!! Ok...So Nursey Nurse comes in with my discharge instructions and a script from the doc that says "no work today or tomorrow". Is this what they go to medical school for now-a-days?? Un-freakin-believable!!! Now, I leave the ER hacking my lungs out, no antibiotic, pay a $75 deductible with nothing to show for it other than a note from the doc saying to not work this day and the next....I speak with my work supervisor and mention the craziness of the ER doc and how could he label me as having H1N1 when no testing was done!!??? Guess what she says?? Just guess...come on, you can do it.....

......waiting.......

OK. I'll tell you. She says, "Since you have H1N1, you need to bring a note from your doctor releasing you back to work." WTF?? Did she not hear me say that doc was a whack-job?? And I need a note!??? I have a note saying when NOT to work...isn't that enough? Do I have to see MY doc and then pay another $25 for him to say I DON'T have the PIG FLU now even if I did before???? At this point I am really a little embarrassed to be a part of our medical profession. This is NOT how I was taught in school...actually, I think what was lacking here was just plain old common sense.......

So, yes, having the pig flu is quite devastating. Not only do I get the "PIG LABEL", I lose income because my supervisor has lost her freaking common sense! I already feel like crap being sick, and now I feel even worse. I can't even cough in public, even if I use the "sleeze" protocol (you know, when you don't have a tissue and you cough in your sleeve?) It doesn't matter because I've been told I have the H1N1, so now I think everyone knows!! I think people are afraid of me!! I might as well have the plague....

And if this isn't enough, not only has the PIG come and stolen my dignity, the PIG has stolen my maid! Since I've been sick, she has not done shit around here!! Now that I'm feeling better, I think I will get on that issue......

Take care everyone, and beware, the PIG is NOT YOUR FRIEND! I do not care how cute they may appear......

Another Divorce

Dear Scale,

I am writing to tell you that I am leaving you. The last 3 weeks with you has been worse than ever. Mostly because I am working so hard trying to keep up with the Body After Baby Challenge that I found over at MamaNotes, but it's also because you don't do ANYTHING! I swear, you mock me. I walk into the (bath)room and you just sit there. I step on you ever so gently and you do the same freakin' thing every time! There's never a change, and because of this, our relationship has gone stale.

What we once shared is now in the past. I don't see any future for us here. If maybe you could have given me just a little encouragement. Just a little spark of recognition when I would come to you. That's all I've ever asked. I have never wanted you to GIVE me things ie. diamonds, gold, POUNDS....all I've asked is that you take things AWAY. You haven't even been kind enough to do that for me.

After how I've cared for you over the years. Made sure the kids didn't abuse you. Made sure nobody moved you from your perfect spot in the bathroom corner. I made sure I kept your surface wiped clean at all times. I swear, where's the justice in how I've been treated by you? You act like you know what I'm doing at all times. Like if I don't drink enough water, you know it! If I have lunch at Applebees, you KNOW it. It's horrible. Just horrible....I feel like I don't have a life with you around, just WAITING for me to screw up! I've had it. You have beaten me down to my lowest low. You have treated me like some hysterical fat lady - deciding to make your numbers rise by 5 in just one weekend. WTF is THAT?? HUH?? I am not HYSTERICAL...I am just someone who wants some recognition for what she's trying to accomplish.

So, I'm sorry to say, this is my good-bye to you. I cannot take it anymore.

Incidentally, I have been seeing your cousin who lives in the basement bathroom, and have been treated just a little more nicely. If only you could have done what he has done...if you would have just spiced things up a bit, yeah...it all could have been different.

Am I a Scary Mommy?

Well...this should be an easy one to answer, right? I should definitely say NO, I am not scary!! But Jill over at Scary Mommy is searching for a Mommy that is scary....Wait...I have to stop right here and tell you what's really SCARY, and please, don't laugh...I am considered an educated person....lmao...ok, are you ready?? Ok...I thought SCARY was spelled SCAREY!! Yep...I did....*blushing*.....even looked it up so that my post would not have any errors.....

Anyhoozle....Initially I thought, hell no! I am not a scary Mommy but then thought back over the years with my children...and ohhhh, I bet there are times that they would have considered me to be pretty scary. In fact, my two toddlers are still being taught exactly HOW scary I can be. For instance, the other day when the Little Man (he's 19 months) was in the bathroom (somehow the door was left open leaving him full access) and I walked in on him just about to put his hand in the toilet....what would you do?? That's right, I screamed!! And when I say screamed, I mean I let out a howl that any wearwolf would be proud of. I let it rip and roll and ya know what? I scared the living crap out of that little Man! And what's worse is that I was proud, yes I was PROUD that my howling stopped him dead in his tracks and he did not stick his hand in the toilet bowl. Instead, he very nonchalantly picked up the roll of toilet paper (no, it wasn't on the holder, that would be too much work) and tossed it in....Oh YES-HE-DID....

Then I thought back to the time when my oldest daughter was having a difficult time going to sleep at night. Not that things have changed, but I've become a little less disturbed by it. This one particular time was when she had a loft bed. You know, a bed on stilts? Yeah, so I had to keep ushering her back in there over and over and over and over...you get the picture. Then instead of getting out of bed (because I am so scary she knew I meant business) she decided to keep calling for me to come to her. And I did. Over and over and over and over.....you seeing how this is going? I was at my wits end....she called me in for the last time. The bed was high, I am short. She was too far for me to reach but oh did I want to reach her. So, what did I do? In my sweetest voice I could muster with entirely too much mommy adrenaline coursing through my veins, I told her to come closer. (evil witch laugh...) She moved a little closer....(evil evil evil Mommy). I still could not reach her. Yes, I am that short. I said, "oh honey...just a little closer...." and she came just close enough and WHACK!! I got her!! And yes, I was once again proud of my Mommy skills. Trust me...she was shocked....but that was the end of it for the night. And if you are thinking I'm one of those mommies that whacks her children often...think again...otherwise, would she have come any closer no matter how much I asked??

There have been times that I have felt totally out of control. I have to admit that being a mom has made me aware of my inner most demon. (Oh stop, we all have one) Sometimes I have so much hostility over the strangest things that my children do, yet when it's serious I seem to have it under wraps for the most part. I don't beat my children, oh no, I tend to take it out on inanimate objects. Like the wall in the basement that sort of has a hole in it? Yeah....don't tell my husband...shhhhhhh. But it's hard being a mommy, isn't it? I went from being the mom of one to having 2 more after 10 years, and I tell you, I think that we are given a certain amount of patience when we are born, and when you use it up, that's it...it's gone, and you become one of THOSE MOMMIES.....the SCARY ONES!

I do know my limits though. And if I forget them, I always have my 3 year old to remind me. Like the time she comes walking into the kitchen and says, "Don't be mad, My Mommy, I didn't do nothing." THIS is always a bad thing. Always always always!! And yes, somehow I have gone from being "Ma-Ma" to "Mommy" to "Mom" to "My Mommy".....I think she's being a little possessive if you ask me. Anyways, I go to the other room where she "didn't do anything" and she had taken the Pinkxav (you know, the butt cream that is pink that is NOT water-soluble that does NOT wash off) and covered my dining room chair with it. Oh yes....she definitely DID do SOMETHING! Of course, I wouldn't want to traumatize the sweet little thing, so I took it out on the older child. Yeah, NOT a proud moment for me, but damn!! Can't she help watch the little ones sometimes?? Does she always have to be doing homework or doing something crafty? Does she have to be such a KID? She's 12 for Pete's Sake!

So, in retrospect, I am apparantly a very Scary Mommy. I love my children more than life and I would do anything for them. That includes wiping their tears when they aren't invited to a special friend's party, kissing away the boo-boo's on their baby dolls knees, cutting the crust off their bread, making noodles everyday because that's all they will eat, reading Cinderella 20 times in one night, curling up on the couch with the Little Man when he doesn't want to be in his crib, letting my 3 year old cover my arms (nearly free of any hair now) with stickers, and sitting on the floor for hours doing the same puzzle over and over....it includes the good and the bad, and with the bad sometimes you get the SCARY....not the SCAR-E-Y....but in the end, when the Little Man puts his head on my shoulder to fall asleep, and the 3 year old goes into her OWN bed on her OWN, and the 12 year old says "Mom, I love you...you're the best"...it's worth all the scarey moments in the world! There's nothing better and nothing SCARIER than being MOM!!

Silly Kid gets away....

I came across this contest for Silly Kid Photos and wouldn't ya know it, I have THREE!! (not 3 photos...THREE KIDS..) The contest is sponsored by Hasbro. Hasbro has a collection called Elefun & Friends which you just have to go check out! Christmas is right around the corner whether you want to think of it or not, so why not do some early shopping?? I know I will be! Having 2 toddlers....ahhh...imagine the credit card damage I could do??? Scarey to think about it!!

Anyhoo, since I can only submit one photo for the contest...it took me a while to decide. I chose this one of Manny since he apparantly is the silliest at the moment. I am so glad this doggie-door fiasco is in the past!!

Of course, there are many more silly photos to be gotten in the future! Of that I am certain!!

Have a great day! Oh, and if you want, the contest can be found over at 5 Minutes for Mom!!

My Little Man is 19 months, 8 days, 1 hour and 32 minutes old. In that time he has caused me to cry with joy, wince with pain, laugh until the tears rolled down my face, grab my chest and inhale as if I was having a heart attack, and gasp in disbelief. Until Manny, I had no idea what it was like to raise a little boy. I had no idea the never-ending energy of a boy. I had NO IDEA a child could do the things he does...No FREAKIN IDEA!!

He can eat enough for an entire family......in one sitting! My 2 girls eat like birds...little baby birds, in fact. On the other hand, Manny can devour 2 slices of toast, grapes, bacon, sausage AND spaghetti for breakfast....Yes, I said "spaghetti for breakfast"...his father is Sicilian for Pete's Sake!!

From very early on, Manny knew how to take a toy and stand on it to make himself higher. I've never had my house so full of gates until this little Man came into my life. I never had to baby-proof my house until THE MAN showed up. He's gone over gates, under gates...in fact, he can close this folding gate faster than I can!! We eventually put the gates away.

This may not have been the best idea we've had as parents.....


and.......

Now, anyone who has children knows that you give up alot...your sleep, your last french fry, your most favorite flannel pants to the tween, your sanity....but if you hold onto ONE thing, let it be your sense of humor!

A sense of humor can brighten up your life. To hear a child laugh can bring you far from in the dumps to a place where it just doesn't matter if you have no cream for your coffee, or that someone left toothpaste in the sink, or that your house is in total disarray. I have heard that children won't remember how clean the house was when they were growing up, but they WILL remember any quality time you spent with them. Some people think a sense of humor is part of our genetic make-up like brown eyes, big ears or monkey feet, but in fact, a sense of humor is learned. It can help you connect with your children and it can make them healthier and better able to handle difficult situations. Yeah...this is what I keep telling myself when I find my little Man in a precarious situation........this is healthy, this is normal, this is NOT a preview of what he will be doing when he gets to college.......

.......right???

Goodbye Poptart

Yes, once again I am blogging about weight loss. What's different about my weight-loss blogging? In my blog you won't find recipes (not at this time), you won't find my food journal (that would be too embarrassing), but you will find a whole lota bitchin about how I can't seem to stick with any weight-loss program. I personally feel that we all have to go through this phase first before we really get serious about losing any weight.

I don't know how people do it....IT being LOSE WEIGHT or get fit after being UNFIT....especially after having children (3 to be exact, 2 of which came along after turning 40). I've tried Weight Watchers. I think I had a problem with WW because I decided I would go for the full-treatment and actually PAY for the program which included the weekly meetings and weigh-ins. I would like to say, in a nice way, that I did not like the meetings...I did not like any of the people there, especially the leader who wore a name tag that also stated "in 1989 I lost 13 pounds". WTF?? Ok...so that's great, 13 pounds, but does that make her an expert? Does that give her the right to mock the 30 pounds I would like to lose? Needless to say, I could not go to those meetings and look at that name tag and feel good about anything.

I've joined an online weight-loss 8-week challenge called Body After Baby.

This challenge is brought to you by Samantha over at this cool site called
Mama Notes. I think I've lost track of what week we are on!! Nooooo! Really?? I believe we are on week 3. Last week flew by and I think I accumulated 1 point, the total possible was 28....WHAT??? This week the mini-challenge is to see how many healthy meals we can eat. A "healthy meal" consists of at least two food groups (for example, chocolate and peanut butter would be dairy and protein). The total amount of points possible for the week would be 21, you know, 3 healthy meals a day!

I've skimmed the out-skirts of the Fat Smash Diet and the EXTREME Fat Smash Diet and although I am sure they are both successful when followed, I kept screwing up my glycemic index with my White Chocolate Mochas. I have not been successful in finding a diet that will incorporate my Caribou addiction, which is sad...really, really sad.

I've recently purchased The Biggest Loser interactive game for the Wii. Yes, I have a Wii. I bought my Wii in hopes of getting fit by using the Wii Fit....lmao...my kids have used the balance board as a table top for their snacks as they sit and watch TV. Anyhoooo....The Biggest Loser....I have not watched a full season of this show, but I've seen bits and pieces (cuz that's how I watch TV with a tween and 2 toddlers) and I get the gist of it. I've seen the progress of the contestants. I've seen the weigh-ins, and the eliminations. So, the other night I'm working my ass off (hopefully, literally). I'm doing "floating lunges", "mountain climbers", the warm up, and the cool down. I made it 3 rounds and guess what? I got freakin ELIMINATED!! Oh -Yes-I -did!! I was sweating, breathing heavy, and nearly in a cardiac arrest, and they eliminate me?? WTF??

I know what it is...the reason I can't stay on track....it's the tastings of Hamburger Helper as I cook it for the family. I cook it, taste taste taste it while cooking it, serve it...the family asks why I'm not eating and I say, "That?? You want me to eat THAT? I can't eat that, I'm on a diet...." ending with a big poor-me sigh. It's also the animal crackers, the pretzels, the fish crackers, the chips, the pieces of poptart that are shoved into my mouth as I try to say NO THANK YOU honey, sweetie, little munchkin of mine...thank you for sharing....and adding inches to my waistline....

My husband says there is nothing wrong with the way I look, in fact, I think he feels a good counselor would work more in my favor than any weight-loss program. I love him dearly, but....

If I look so good then why can't I sit down in my jeans?

If I look so good then why can't I cross my legs without holding the one on top in place so it stays put??

If I look so good, for Pete's Sake, why does the person in the mirror appear to

weigh 300 pounds?

Bottom line here, folks, even though I was eliminated with a capital E my first time with the Wii Biggest Loser, and even though today my body hurts so bad I can hardly lift my White Chocolate Mocha to my parched lips, I am going to get right back on the horse, or the Wii, and go for it! I will show you, Jillian Michaels, I am NOT a quitter!! I will not sit back and get ELIMINATED!

And I write this blog in memory of the Hot Fudge Sundae Poptart....

No Control....Yet!

Ok...So I am starting week 2 of the Body After Baby Challenge, and I must say, I have no control over anything when it comes to my weight loss! That must be why I signed up for this challenge when my baby is 19 months old! I finally decided it was time....well, I thought it was time, yet this past week I really didn't put my ALL into it. I am so disappointed in myself! All I needed to do was drink water. humph!! Sounds easy, right? Yes, it should have been, yet I didn't give it that much thought. I just drank my usual which was 3-4 glasses a day. My total points I got for that was 22 (1 point for each glass).

I don't really know what it is that is keeping me from being motivated! I wish I knew! Is it stress? Is it life in general? Is it work? Is it my need for my White Chocolate Mocha?? Please! Someone help me out here!

I've been exercising for the past 2 weeks. You might be saying Yeah for you!! But listen...I exercised once each week. Yep...that's it. And that was just walking on the treadmill for a half hour. I know I know....that won't do it! Obviously!!

So here we are in week 2 of this challenge brought to us by Mama Notes and I swear, I CAN do this! The mini-challenge is to WALK. For every 15 minutes of walking we get 1 point for the week. I just need to be able to walk away when the kids are killing eachother, go to the basement, and WALK on the freakin treadmill!! OMG! THAT is not difficult to do, is it?? In fact, instead of munching on these candy corn that I nicely put in this Fall dish (for decoration only), I should just stop what I am doing and go WALK!!

Sadly to say, I don't think I've lost anything this past week...weight wise....I've certainly lost a little bit more of my mind....and maybe one pound...but I'm sure that just came back with the candy corn!

Trust me when I say that losing weight is just about the worse thing in the world that anyone has to do...it ranks right on up there with a root canal!! Speaking of which...I better make that follow up for Phase II....since I had the first part done over a year ago! Good Lord I sound like a procrastinator!! A silly, over-stressed, over-weight, non-motivated PROCRASTINATOR! Don't you just love me? At least I can admit the truth....for Pete's Sake!