Thanksgiving is over and now comes the
fucking rush spendid time that leads up to Christmas.
I’m sorry folks, I’m just not feeling it. Today it snowed. Yipee. Yep….Lil Lady was thrilled, and when I say “thrilled” I mean to the point of getting-her-gloves-and-her-hat-on-and-forgetting-her-coat-and-running-outside-to-play-in-the-quarter-inch-that-dusted-the-deck kind of THRILLED!
Me? Not so much. It’s cold out side. It’s blowing nasty winds that burn my sinuses. I don’t see the beauty of the snow like Lil Lady. I saw everything DEAD…
My dead clematis….
Chairs stacked because it’s too cold to sit outside…my dead passion flowers (more like ABSENT passion flowers due to the crazy-ass puppy eating them)….
Lil Lady’s dead plant….Yes, even Miss Perky Pants Lilli noticed this one…
Despite the awesome job Mr. Sake did on the Christmas lights outside…..
….I just don’t have the spirit. I am forcing myself to listen to Delilah…..106.5 FM I think….All. Day. Long. Christmas. Music. I find myself singing along out of habit. I chuckle at the silly songs, but most of all I cry at the sad songs…
“I’ll be home for Christmas….”
“I’ll have a Blue Christmas without you….”
and most of all…..”Someone is Missing at Christmas” by Anne Cochran.
I have endured many losses….but….I miss my Mom the most. She’s been gone for SIX years and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her. Not a day that I wish I had her to call when something stupid happens, or something bad, or something GOOD…..
I miss her.
I cringe when I hear how people fight with their parents. How the children these days don’t have the relationship that I had with my Mom. How the children these days don’t even WANT a relationship with their parents. Why is that?
My Mom was my best friend. Not in the way that she was ONLY my friend either. She was also my Mother. She grounded me, she yelled when she needed to, she sent me to my room if necessary….but she loved me, and I KNEW this. We talked every EVERY day. Her passing was the absolute worst thing I’ve ever been through. To this day I can go to the cemetary and place flowers on the gravesites of all my lost loved ones…but when it comes to my Mom….I can’t walk away without crying.
She was a one-of-a-kind. Beautiful….inside and out.
Mr. Sake’s parents are also gone….I never got the opportunity to meet them. It’s sad….Our children have a Papa who is present, yet busy with his own life. I often wish he was more involved with them. My oldest has her Grandparents (my late spouse’s parents) but they live in Florida and visit once or twice a year.
So, as I go through the holiday season….wishing I still had my Mom….I am trying and TRYING to see the positive in what I have in my life now. I’m not talking “possessions”…nope, not at all….
I have people.
For Pete’s Sake….I have THIS GUY:
This is who I fell in love with, and despite his
ability to make me insane on any given day little quirks….I still love him. Despite the fact that he often forgets to take out the trash until I freak when I can’t put not one more piece of crap in the can is a little forgetful….I STILL love him. Even though he snores like a muther trucker he has sinus issues….I love him….I just push his ass on over at least 15 times a night gently nudge him to roll over a few times here and there. I love him. As crazy as that makes me…it’s true.
I have this one….
And I have this one…
And of course……
(My personal White Chocolate Mocha No-Whip Maker)
You see? I. Have. People.
I have them HERE….on this earth….
….and I have them HERE…..
….and I carry each and every one of them HERE….
….In my Heart.
I can do this.
I can get through the holidays with my people.
It’s ok to feel the sadness for those that are not here but I need to not shut down and forget about the one’s that ARE here.
I am blessed.
I have to remember that.
A day late, but I’m linking up with Shell over at Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out….I feel it’s appropriate, don’t you?