Monday, October 5, 2009

Why I Started to Blog...

I am no professional writer, of that I am certain. In fact, I probably don't have all the correct grammer and punctuation either. And maybe what I write isn't very pertinent to anything you are interested in. Or maybe what I write is just B-O-R-I-N-G.....(ok, you can stop nodding your head now, no need to be mean). So, why have I started a blog?

My main reason is that I need a scapegoat, an out, someone to listen without judgement. Most of the time I feel that's what most of us need, someone to just listen. We don't always need or want advice. We don't always want to hear "oh really? well, let me tell you what happened to me...." And that person will go on to tell you about their spousal problems, or how they locked their keys in the car, or how they bitched out the Caribou guy for being so damn annoying....and this isn't what I'm needing at this point. I just need to be able to say what I have to say and let it go. Don't need to think too much about it, just get it off my chest so I don't feel like I am suffocating half the time.

I haven't had it extremely easy for quite a few years, although "bad things" have stopped happening for right now. I've been through a divorce (after 9 months he said "maybe I'm not the marrying type". Oh REALLY??) I've been through the loss of a child (my son was stillborn when I was 8 months pregnant). I've been through the loss of my mother who was my most dearest friend in the whole world. I don't think one ever "gets over" losing a parent. Sure, we learn to live with it, but never, ever are we OVER it. I've been through the death of my spouse of 8 years (he was in a horrible accident).

On a good note, I've made it through all of those things. And yes, it is a lot to have happened in a short time. Not that other people haven't gone through just as many catastrophies, but sometims it takes a lifetime to go through all that. From that perspective, you'd think I was about 90 years old....and I'm not even half that!

Am I unscarred from all of it? Probably not. Do I have days that I find myself crying and I don't know why? Absolutely! I have found the strength and I have moved on. I have a daughter from my second marriage. Does she sometimes piss me off? Of course! She's a tween! She's also the reason I kept going instead of laying down and letting my life go when my husband (her father) passed away. She's the spark in each day that makes me smile.
I have married again. Pete's his in Oh For Pete's Sake! Does he piss me off? Absolutely! But that doesn't mean I don't want him to be the one I snuggle up to at the end of each day. We have 2 toddlers, me and Pete, and they are my little miracles. Do THEY piss me off sometimes? Come on....they are TODDLERS!!

So, bottom line, I have a lot of pissed-offness bottled up inside unless I let it out. At this point, I don't want to continue to bitch my sister's ear off with my constant irritations, so I decided to start writing it this blog. That's the new thing to do, right? Blog...what a word....for Pete's sake...where DOES that word come from??

As I searched to try to find the answer to "What is a Blog?" or where does the word come from, I came across this silly conversation which just made me chuckle. We all need a good chuckle now and then, right? Actually, I just like eavesdropping on conversations whether the people are in the next room, or on the much as I like for people to listen to me, I love to do the listening, even if uninvited.

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