Hey Mojo…Come Back!

Seriously…I ain’t go no mojo….

 

 

Christmas totally wiped me out.  Yes, I was a part of  THIS….go ahead, check it out if you dare. 

So…PINT it IS!!  Gotta get back in the swing of things some time, right? 

Link on up!

 

Yes, my Little Man was hospitalized over Christmas.  WTF??  Been a Mom for over 13 years and this was my first experience with a child in the hospital.  He was admitted with pneumonia induced asthma…or asthma induced pneumonia…take your pick.  My poor baby!!  He was discharged on Christmas and is doing much MUCH better now.  Except…Steroids are a mother-fucker!!  Can’t keep the Little Man still…

 

 

Here’s some news for ya….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m pretty sure if the new job doesn’t work out, I can get some work with these fine fellas…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Tuesday!!

SAHM for a Day

Okay…I am home with the snot mongers little ones today because Lil Lady has a case of the “snots”.  I felt it was wrong to send her to the sitter’s with snot dripping down her face and her upper lip and right side of her face all chapped from her wiping her snot on her sleeve.  I keep telling her…”Dab, Lil…just DAB!”  Geesh!

 

 

I know…she doesn’t LOOK sick and I’m sure the sitter would have Lysolled her or something to prevent the spreading of germs, but I just wasn’t sure.

I haven’t been home alone with the kids for so long that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do.  Usually both the spouse and I are home together, or I’m hiding out behind Caribou working my butt off while he’s home playing with the kids.  When we are both home I have it all handled.  I make sure they eat….I make sure they aren’t breaking anything…and I make sure the spouse is aware when I say, “I think Manny stinks.”  I even follow through with “Did you change the stinky one?” if I still smell it less than 3 minutes later.  (Follow-through is the most important aspect of the Mom’s job….)

I let Little Man sleep in as long as he wanted today.  His first words when he got up and saw me were, “Mommie!!!  Are we home??”  This means, “We don’t have to go to Bobbie’s today?”  Yes….Man, we are home.  So sweet to see how happy he was to be home with me.

Then….

Then he became the demon from god knows where.  It started off with him standing on the puppy.  Yes, STANDING on the puppy.  Ok, so Cali is a BIG puppy, but still….”Don’t fucking stand on my  puppy!!”

 

Cali at 6 months

 

Then Lil Lady tried to sweet talk him into giving her his Nintendo DS by giving him MY iPod.  Oh Helllllll Noooooo, little girl!!!! 

Little Man has this new seriously annoying little quirk about him….he sticks his tongue out and talks….I call it “baby talk”.  Yes, he is 2 1/2…to some people that IS still a baby, but when he’s been talking NOT like a baby for a while, to then START talking like a baby…well, it’s pretty much irritating as all fuck!  The spouse clucked him under the chin the other day causing him to bite his tongue just a smidgen….Nope, that didn’t cure him yet…dagnabbit!

This too shall pass…..

Right??

I must admit, these 2 really do have quite the imaginations.  This….

 

….is a “Rocket Ship”.

 

These….

 

 

 

 

 

….are “captured aliens”.

 

Today I have learned who the characters on Little Bear are.  I could have sworn the girl was “Elizabeth”….I was wrong.  Her name is Emily…and the doll is Lucy….Can I just add that Little Bear is the most annoying cartoon on this planet??  Seriously…can we speed it up a bit?  I could tell that whole story in like 2 minutes and not drag it out for a gawd-damn half hour!  I absolutely recommend Little Bear if you are having difficulty sleeping.  I bet it works better than Restoril.

Lil Lady was educating me on ALL the cartoons.  She is amazing!  Sometimes I wonder how she knows all that she does.  She even recalls that Rosebud from “Airbuddies” is from Fernfield and that we need to go there so we can bring Rosebud home to be Cali’s friend.  She must take after me, that’s all I can say.  And Little Man…..??  He takes after the Sicilian side of the family….

 

 

Another thing I learned today is that the snow is really pretty when you are INSIDE looking out……

 

 

…..instead of driving in it like I have been the past week or so!!

 

 

So, being a SAHM for a day wasn’t so bad, but I can tell you this….if I had to do it everyday…..

 

 

On second thought, here in the home of Mr. and Mrs. Sake, we sort of have our own rules when it comes to disorders of the mental kind….

 

 

Happy Wednesday!

Back to work tomorrow for me….I hope!   

Dear Santa

My kids refused to sit on Santa’s lap….for the life of me I don’t understand where I’ve gone wrong with this.  My oldest who is 13 didn’t sit on his lap until she was 7, and my two younger ones are probably headed in the same direction….I just don’t get it…is Santa scary??

 

 

I also can’t make them sit still long enough to compose their own letters to Santa, so I’ve decided the hell with them I will write my own letter.

 

Dear Santa,

I have been good, and by “good” I mean I have done what is expected of me.  I have provided food for the family even though they choose to snack on pepperoni, chips, string cheese, and Wheat Thins.  I have clothed them daily; sometimes twice in one day if one of them decides they are too busy to go potty.  I have done homework with the Teen only to have her “forget” to hand it in. 

I have attended meetings at the school, driven the Teen to where ever she is asking to go, and allowed her to have sleep-overs when I would rather have some peace and quiet.  I  have attended school band concerts even though the Teen was told to “pretend” to play the saxophone since she doesn’t have one to practice on and can’t get out any notes no matter how hard she tries….

I have broken up fights between the toddlers…I have pulled Little Man’s hair when he’s pulled his sisters…Ok…maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do, but, Dear Santa…I was at my wits end.  Can’t you forgive this one??

I have cleaned up dog shit…and more dog shit…and MORE dog shit even though I wasn’t the only one that wanted a puppy.

I pick up all the toys several times a day.  I clean up the Teen’s room mostly because when I go in there to wake her up in the morning, the fluster-cluck gives me an anxiety attack.  I clean up the hairs that the spouse leaves behind after trimming his goatee…I try not to complain about this one because he keeps threatening to shave it off, and seriously….I don’t know if I will like him if he does this.

(Yes…he is aware of this risk.)

I have worked the measly hours that my supposed FULL-TIME job gives me.  I have pinched pennies because my FULL-TIME job sucks hairy monkey balls….

I have stopped getting my nails done because my FULL-TIME job gives me PART-TIME hours…..

So, this is what I would like for Christmas….if you could….Dearest Santa…

• An automatic pooper-picker-upper.
• A doll that can take notice of when the hair pulling starts and it can say…”STOP!!”
• A set of feet that aren’t dry and scaly.
• Hair that does what it’s supposed to do each morning.
• An endless supply of Caribou Coffee’s White Chocolate Mochas…no whip, of course.
• I would like to stop sweating when everyone else is freezing.
• Hands that aren’t numb each morning, and possibly a cure other than surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome.
• Jeans that don’t cut off my circulation at the waist when I sit down.
• Warm fuzzy socks because my feet are the only part of me that don’t sweat…they freeze.
• Better circulation to my feet.  (This might go with the requested jeans)
• A four-year old that doesn’t scream like her left arm is being cut off just because she is crabby and her little brother is looking at her.
• A two-year old that knows when NOT to look at his crabby-ass 4-year old sister.
• A Teen that knows the boundaries between parent and child.  (ok…this IS asking for a bit much…I apologize for my greediness)
• A FULL-TIME job that gives me FULL-TIME hours as well as FULL-TIME pay.

 

• I would love a bit of patience so that as they are pretending to be “kitties” and meowing me to death, I can smile and accept that I gave birth to “kitties” instead of Einstein’s or Stephen Hawking’s…..

 

 

If by chance you cannot grant any of these wishes, I would gladly forfeit them for just a bit of Christmas Magic so that I can show my kids what Christmas is really all about.

 

 

Sincerely,

The Mom

Leftovers Anyone?

So, I found a new MeMe….Friday Night Leftovers!  How cool is that?  I figured I would play along since all you have to do is link up and share the random thoughts swimming in your head…and yes, we all know I have tons of those, yes??

Link on up if you’d like…over at Sippy Cups!

 

 

My Random Thoughts from This Morning….and just about every morning for that matter…..

Can someone please tell me how the furkle I am supposed to get a crazy-ass puppy in her cage and TWO little monsters out the door in a timely manner each morning so I can start my work day??

Seriously….I leave the Little Man in his crib for as long as I can because I dread hearing, “I don’t wanna go to Bobbie’s.  Are we home??”  Yes, these are his exact words.  Bobbie is the babysitter and I don’t think there is anything wrong with her…it’s just not where Little Man wants to be. 

Lil Lady gets her own boots on while I have one more smoke in the bathroom take a moment to collect my wits before I get the Little Man up. 

I get Lil Lady’s coat on.  Fill the treat ball for the crazy puppy.  I have to have something to throw into her cage as we make our mad dash out the door before she starts yapping.  I canNOT stand the yapping and whining as I go out the door.  That includes yapping and whining from ANY ONE….including the spouse.

I get Lil Lady’s coat on.

I get Little Man out of his crib.

“I don’t wanna go to Bobbie’s.  Are we home?”  Got his coat on…his hat….he got his boots on.  I take the boots off and put them on the right feet…..

Me:  “Man, we are home right now but we ARE going to Bobbie’s.”

Pouty face starts.  Crocodile tears fill up in his big eyes.

“I don’t wanna go to Bobbie’s.  Are we home???”

Oh Dear me….”Man, we are going to Bobbie’s and then we will be home later, after I work.”

Coats are on, treat ball is ready to roll…Cali puppy is jumping around us trying to get the treat ball….Manny goes one way, Lil Lady goes the other….I try to get them lined up at the door while I throw the treat ball in and latch the door on the crate.

Shit, I’m sweating….out the door we go!!!  Whooohooooo!

Fuck….forgot my coat…..it freezing out!!   Yep….it’s winter-ish outside….I’m not used to wearing a coat yet, even with the kazilliion inches of snow we received this week.

At the garage door they wait while I go back in for my coat….

 

 

I get Little Man secured in his car seat.

“I don’t wanna go to Bobbie’s.  Are we home??????”

Oh Lord….”Man…..gimme a break, will ya???”

Lil Lady pipes in….”Mom….I gotta pee….”

WTF??  Seriously?  Do you think you could have mentioned that BEFORE the coats were on?  BEFORE the puppy was caged??  BEFORE I had your little brother secure in his car seat with the car running to warm up???  Do YA THINK that might have been helpful, Lil Lady???

 

Tapping my foot….tap…tap….tap…..Oh dear me, I will die a million kazillion times if Little Man has gotten out of his car seat……

Seriously…..

It takes a good half hour to get OUT of the house….another 15 minutes in the garage getting them buckled in….

Another 5 as I rearrange my shit on the front seat because I must have OCD or something but everything has to be just so…..

And then….the whole way there……”do we go this way?”   “no, it’s this way!”….”No!!!  THIS way!!!”  ”how do you know??”  “Because I am 4!  and you are 2!”   “Oh…I yam a big boy.” 

Lil Lady says, “Bobbie’s is THIS way!!!”

“I don’t wanna go to Bobbie’s.  Are we home??”

Yep, Little Man…you are my big boy.  And Lil Lady…You are 4 but do you have to remind Manny where we are going???

And THIS, my dear friends, happens EVERY morning.  How does everyone else do it?  Is it possible to get out of the house any quicker than this?  Do you have mornings that can compare to my chaos?

And everyone wonders why the first place my car goes after leaving the house is HERE:

 

Caribou Coffee Drive-Through

 

It’s a No-Brainer!!

Have a great Weekend!!

PINT-Snow Style!

PINT with That One Mom over at Only Parent Chronicles….

 

So, it’s Christmas-time.  Whoop-de-doopty-fucking-do!!  Ahhhhhhh!  I tried and tried to get in the spirit this past weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And, last but not least….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok…now that we’ve got that straight, I have to put on all the winter-ish garb, try to plow through the snow in my driveway, slide myself on over to the school to pick up my daughter and her friend (because we recently lost our busses due to levy failure), dodge all the other parents out there trying to pick up their children and stay out of the way of the students out there probably driving for the first time in the snow, and then head on over to pick up the short people from the babysitters.

Yep, that’s how I roll on a blustery Tuesday afternoon!

 

Happy PINT!!