Thank the heavens above!! It’s Friday Confessional with Glam over at her place…..feel free to link up if you’ve
totally fucked up in the manners category had an incident or two that might need confessing….
This week I should be congratulated as I only have ONE CONFESSION! Oh yeah…..it’s a good one, but still, it’s only one.
I threw the biggest fucking Mommy Tantrum that I’ve ever thrown. Sure, I’ve been ticked off at the kids before. Of course I’ve yelled and swatted their little asses. BUT….Oh Man…this was bad.
You see, I was home with the 2 little ones and I decided I was going to be productive. That means not just taking care of them, but actually DOING something productive….not just laundry or washing dishes or keeping the house in order. Oh no…I had to go BIG…I had to really dig deep to decide what to tackle. YES!! I had an idea!!!
The TEEN’s bedroom!!
Ok, ok….this is NOT my teen’s bedroom, but it is definitely comparable.
So, I got a few boxes out and started tossing the stuff in there. The little one’s were in the living room watching a movie.
Or so I thought…..
I thought wrong. They had taken a few of the boxes and they loaded them up with toys and books and THINGS that weren’t even considered toys! Pots, pans…….utensils……pillows…..DVDs. At one point I think Little Man was trying to stuff poor Cali (the puppy) into box. Seriously….
I asked what they were doing and they said, “Cleaning, like you….” Oh that’s just great. Just lovely. I told them that’s not how we clean, just because that’s how I was cleaning out Sissy’s room. They are so smart….so what did they do?
They dumped the fucking boxes right there. Everything in the middle of my living room. You have no idea what that looks like until it’s been done. I could feel the anger starting…..
I controlled it. I told them to start putting it all back where they got it cuz God knows I had no fucking idea where half that crap came from. They started….and I went back to my cleaning in the Teen’s room. Then I hear a noise. It sounded like a million toys being scattered all over creation.
Yes, it was a million toys being scattered all over creation….MY LIVING ROOM!
What the fuck??? ‘Are you kidding me here??? Ohhhh…..ok….trying to be calm…..
Thinking I can handle this, I start by SHOWING them how to clean it up. I put some books away. I put some toys away in a different spot because I don’t know their original spot…..I start gathering my pots and pans….I step on a fork…..
Seething…….I gather the utensils……
I step on a fucking block and wince…..
I break a nail on a damn Strawberry Shortcake car…..
I’m near the edge now….I cannot afford to get my nails done this week. Nope…not this week, nor next week….or probably ever again.
I stop Cali from eating a sandal that was somehow collected and thrown in the box…..
Manny gathers more shit and tosses it around…..
I kid you not….it was like a war between me, THE BOXES and the short people!!
I lost it.
I totally fucking lost my cool. I started flinging things this way and that way and threatening that I was going to throw it all in the trash with their Sissy’s shit, and I was going to show them exactly what CLEAN MEANT!! And I was going to beat the dog just because I could! I was so out of control it was scary….
“I’m going to killlllllllll
The puppy squats…..right in the middle of the fucking mess in my living room. On the carpet that the spouse just cleaned last weekend. She looks at me, I look at her……and she darts off quicker than I can…..
I see RED…..my blood has reached the boil-over point…..
I pick up the first thing I see…..a wooden puzzle. And without giving it much thought, I throw that muther like there’s no tomorrow.
It hits the front door.
The front door is glass.
The glass shatters into a kazillion and one pieces.
Deafening silence. Then she speaks……
Lil Lady, “Ohhh…..That. Is. Not. Good.”
No Shit, Lil!!!!
Fuck fuck fuck…..
It takes me forever to clean up the glass. Trying to keep everyone out of the “ice”…..If I had to tell them one more time it was GLASS and not ICE, I may have decided to break another…..Of course, I had no idea what to do with the glass that was still IN the door…..
Just then a friend of mine stops over. She’s shocked. I’m shocked that she’s shocked. Who wouldn’t lose it in that situation? She helped me get the rest of the glass out of the door and we swept up the remainder…..
All better now. We can all relax. I spoke with my sis and we both decided that chucking something through a glass door is wayyyy cheaper than therapy. The spouse disagreed. He feels the benefit of a psychiatrist writing a script would be worth the money…..
Oh For Pete’s Sake!!!
I’m NOT psychotic!!!
So, my day was not going as planned. I recall all that I said and did and feel a little remorse at some of what transpired. I was sitting silently and hoping that the little ones didn’t absorb much of what I was saying when I was screaming my head off…..I’m sure they didn’t. Yes, I am sure they know I wouldn’t trash their toys, or beat the puppy, or kill them…..I’m certain of it…..
….my thoughts are interrupted by Lil Lady….
Lil Lady, “Mommmieeeee….Manny is TAKING and TAKING is NOT SHARING, and SHARING is CARING, so why does he take???”
Oh dear Lord……Serenity now…..serenity now……
Lil Lady…..”Can you kill Manny now since he’s TAKING and not SHARING or CARING?”
Oh dear God…..I’m going to hell.
Happy Weekend Everyone!!