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Friday, September 17, 2010

The Biggest Tantrum-Evahhhh!

Thank the heavens above!!  It’s Friday Confessional with Glam over at her place…..feel free to link up if you’ve totally fucked up in the manners category had an incident or two that might need confessing….

Friday confessional

This week I should be congratulated as I only have ONE CONFESSION!  Oh yeah…..it’s a good one, but still, it’s only one.

I confess…..

ummm….

I threw the biggest fucking Mommy Tantrum that I’ve ever thrown.  Sure, I’ve been ticked off at the kids before.  Of course I’ve yelled and swatted their little asses.  BUT….Oh Man…this was bad.

You see, I was home with the 2 little ones and I decided I was going to be productive.  That means not just taking care of them, but actually DOING something productive….not just laundry or washing dishes or keeping the house in order.  Oh no…I had to go BIG…I had to really dig deep to decide what to tackle.  YES!!  I had an idea!!!

The TEEN’s bedroom!!

messy-room-2

Ok, ok….this is NOT my teen’s bedroom, but it is definitely comparable. 

So, I got a few boxes out and started tossing the stuff in there.  The little one’s were in the living room watching a movie. 

Or so I thought…..

I thought wrong.  They had taken a few of the boxes and they loaded them up with toys and books and THINGS that weren’t even considered toys!  Pots, pans…….utensils……pillows…..DVDs.  At one point I think Little Man was trying to stuff poor Cali (the puppy) into box.  Seriously….

I asked what they were doing and they said, “Cleaning, like you….”  Oh that’s just great.  Just lovely.  I told them that’s not how we clean, just because that’s how I was cleaning out Sissy’s room.  They are so smart….so what did they do?

They dumped the fucking boxes right there.  Everything in the middle of my living room.  You have no idea what that looks like until it’s been done.  I could feel the anger starting…..

I controlled it.  I told them to start putting it all back where they got it cuz God knows I had no fucking idea where half that crap came from.  They started….and I went back to my cleaning in the Teen’s room.  Then I hear a noise.  It sounded like a million toys being scattered all over creation.

Yes, it was a million toys being scattered all over creation….MY LIVING ROOM!

What the fuck???  ‘Are you kidding me here???  Ohhhh…..ok….trying to be calm…..

Thinking I can handle this, I start by SHOWING them how to clean it up.  I put some books away.  I put some toys away in a different spot because I don’t know their original spot…..I start gathering my pots and pans….I step on a fork…..

Seething…….I gather the utensils……

I step on a fucking block and wince…..

I break a nail on a damn Strawberry Shortcake car…..

I’m near the edge now….I cannot afford to get my  nails done this week.  Nope…not this week, nor next week….or probably ever again.

I stop Cali from eating a sandal that was somehow collected and thrown in the box…..

IMG00033-20100824-2213

Manny gathers more shit and tosses it around…..

I kid you not….it was like a war between me, THE BOXES and the short people!!

I lost it.

I totally fucking lost my cool.  I started flinging things this way and that way and threatening that I was going to throw it all in the trash with their Sissy’s shit, and I was going to show them exactly what CLEAN MEANT!!  And I was going to beat the dog just because I could!  I was so out of control it was scary….

“I’m going to killlllllllll

youuuuuuuuuuuu

bothhhhhhhh!!!”

Pause….deep breath…..then….

The puppy squats…..right in the middle of the fucking mess in my living room.  On the carpet that the spouse just cleaned last weekend.  She looks at me, I look at her……and she darts off quicker than I can…..

I see RED…..my blood has reached the boil-over point…..

I pick up the first thing I see…..a wooden puzzle.  And without giving it much thought, I throw that muther like there’s no tomorrow.

It hits the front door.

The front door is glass.

The glass shatters into a kazillion and one pieces.

 

 

Silence.

Deafening silence.  Then she speaks……

Lil Lady, “Ohhh…..That. Is. Not. Good.”

 

No Shit, Lil!!!!

 

Fuck fuck fuck…..

 

It takes me forever to clean up the glass.  Trying to keep everyone out of the “ice”…..If I had to tell them one more time it was GLASS and not ICE, I may have decided to break another…..Of course, I had no idea what to do with the glass that was still IN the door…..

Just then a friend of mine stops over.  She’s shocked.  I’m shocked that she’s shocked.  Who wouldn’t lose it in that situation?  She helped me get the rest of the glass out of the door and we swept up the remainder…..

All better now.  We can all relax.  I spoke with my sis and we both decided that chucking something through a glass door is wayyyy cheaper than therapy.  The spouse disagreed.  He feels the benefit of a psychiatrist writing a script would be worth the money…..

Oh For Pete’s Sake!!!

I’m NOT psychotic!!!

So, my day was not going as planned.  I recall all that I said and did and feel a little remorse at some of what transpired.  I was sitting silently and hoping that the little ones didn’t absorb much of what I was saying when I was screaming my head off…..I’m sure they didn’t.  Yes,  I am sure they know I wouldn’t trash their toys, or beat the puppy, or kill them…..I’m certain of it…..

….my thoughts are interrupted by Lil Lady….

Lil Lady, “Mommmieeeee….Manny is TAKING and TAKING is NOT SHARING, and SHARING is CARING, so why does he take???”

Oh dear Lord……Serenity now…..serenity now……

Silence. 

Lil Lady….”Mom…..?”

Me….  “What….?”

Lil Lady…..”Can you kill Manny now since he’s TAKING and not SHARING or CARING?”

Oh dear God…..I’m going to hell.

Happy Weekend Everyone!!

9 comments:

Imaginative Me said...

OMG... LMAO! I love Lil Lady's comment at the end.
I've had several mommy tantrums since i've been prego this time. My monkeys are ALWAYS making me messes to clean, and I am having a painful, complicated pregnancy. I completely FLIPPED out on them last week for getting INTO the trash and pulling out the used coffee filter, you know all wet still with wet coffee grounds, and spreading it ALL OVER THE KITCHEN FLOOR!!! I felt like a 3-year-old after it was all said and done!

Shell said...

Please don't hate me for laughing at this.

I've definitely had a mommy temper tantrum or twelve.

Kat said...

I've had many :) I'm so proud! LOL

Steph said...

Oh you poor thing, sorry I am laughing right now.

Stasha said...

I'm sorry, but I HAVE to do this:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


ROFLMAO! I have been there and I only have one kid, can only imagine what it would be like with 2 or more...

I love Lil Lady's comment at the end. Priceless!

passionofthemom said...

Oh lordy!! Your mommy tantrums sound a lot like mine...LOL The most recent one I threw probably very nearly got me tossed in jail, but I made my getaway too quickly for the cops to arrive first. xD
(Went to pick up my daughter from transition camp, had to leave work to do so, and when I get there, there is this bitch parked across the whole street in her effing minivan, waiting on a kid who is nowhere in sight. Meanwhile, there is me right behind her, pissed as hell and stewing, and the 7 people behind me who were probably in a similar state. I start honking, and I know the bitch can hear me b/c all her doors are open and the windows are down, but still she sits....for the better part of 5 minutes!! Finally, I lost it completely, threw my car into park, grabbed the tire iron, and got out. Went up to the bitch's car, and started waving the tire iron around, screaming literally at the top of my lungs (in front of my daughter's middle school....classy, right!!) that she better put her dipshit wagon in drive and get the fuck out of my way or else I'm going to take my friend Mr. Tire Iron and fuck up parts of her skull and face with it. I've never seen a person go so white so quickly, and you better believe she put that car in drive and got the hell out of there as quick as she could go!! But that was my worst mommy tantrum moment EVER, gotta say. Not proud of it, but damn if it didn't make me feel much better!! LOL)

WhisperingWriter said...

LOL!

Yes, I've had several Mommy Tantrums.

Punken said...

We all have those tantrums for sure! I think I threaten to throw away all of the little people's belongings on a daily basis.

I agree with you that breaking the window is cheaper then therapy:)

Frugal Vicki said...

OMG! ROFLMAO! I was not quite expecting that! Way too funny for words. Be thankful she didn't ask a teacher or something.