My Letter To Santa

It has probably been a good 20 30 years since I wrote a letter to Santa, but I thought maybe I would give it a try this year.  After all, isn’t he the  Big Guy in the North Pole that is supposed grant your Christmas wishes?  And he’s magical…so why not give it a shot??
Ok, so maybe I haven’t been all that good this year, but I have really put forth the effort which, in my book, always stands for something.  Maybe I did leave my spouse snoring in the recliner on purpose one too many times, and maybe I didn’t.  Maybe I did lose my patience a little more than I should have while trying to wake the lazy whining doesn’t know how to go to bed tween, and maybe her perception of how the mornings go is just a little twisted.  Maybe I did remove the Little Man from the top of the TV table a little too quickly causing him to land on his ass….and maybe I didn’t.  And maybe I did sneak the Lil Lady into my marital bed and then stretch the truth by saying she was frightened…or maybe not. 
Regardless, I am a good person and I try to portray the patience of a saint when I really feeling like beating the shit out of shaking some sense into three quarters of the people I encounter each day.  I try to show that I have it all together when inside I am a bundle of nerves.  I let people believe that I have all actions, reactions and emotions under complete control when in fact, I am so out of control it even surprises me! 
So, if I were to write a letter to Santa today, this is what it might look like:
Dear Santa,
This year for Christmas I am not asking for anything material.  You can keep the diamonds I am certain my spouse is planning on getting me.  You can keep the new fuzzy bunny slippers that I know I said a million times that I wanted.  You can pass on to another deserving soul the heated mattress pad that I beg for each night (I will continue to use my spouse’s heat and my 24x12 inch heating pad). 
There doesn’t need to be any elegantly wrapped gifts for me under the tree, for what I want cannot be wrapped in shiny silver paper with a bow slapped on top.  First of all, what I want is some Christmas Spirit.  Somewhere between the stack of bills and the outrageous economy, my spirit has been crushed.  I’ve tried to revive it with Christmas music (in fact, I’m listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks sing YOUR song right now) but with each song my heart just gets heavier and heavier.  If I just had some Christmas Spirit, I know I could make this Christmas special for the little ones without putting myself further in debt.  Other than Christmas Spirit, I am good to go, but I have a few things I would like for my loved ones.
I would like to ask for some sense of normalcy when it comes to my family.  I would like some restraint for Little Man so he can stop his climbing on every surface that is considered off limits.
I would like to ask for some control for Lil Lady so she may learn to use the potty like a big girl. If you cannot bring her control, can you bring her a princess potty that won’t “hurt her butt”? 
For the Tween I would like some sleepy dust (preferably 6 years worth) so that she can fall asleep when needed.  If you cannot bring the sleepy-dust, can you wrap up a bit of “wakefulness” for school mornings?
And last, but not least, for my spouse….could you please find it in your heart to bring him a truck load of multitasking-know-when-to-end-a-conversation-bring-up-the-laundry-baskets-pick-up-his-clothes-don’t-leave-dirty-dishes-in-the-sink-overnight-stop-stealing-the-covers –not-having-to-stop-for-one(beer)-after-work ability?  I know this is a lot to ask for, but as I said, it’s immaterial and should not cost a whole lot. 
And if by chance you cannot grant the wishes I have asked for my loved ones, if you just box up a bit of sanity for me I think I can handle the rest.
And for Pete’s Sake, have a Merry Christmas and thank you for being so magical!
Pete’s Lady