Clicker Training..is it just for puppies?

Ahh…finally made it to join That One Mom with Post-It Note Tuesday!!  I missed last week…or the last 2 weeks, I’m not sure, but she’s the new proud owner of PINT, and she should be congratulated!!

Congrats to That One Mom from the Only Parent Chronicles!! 

Come….link up!  Show the love!!

 

Ok…some of you know I recently got a new puppy.  Her name is Cali, a lovely Golden Retriever.  She’s gorgeous!  She’s sweet!  She has her own Twitter account and everything!!  You can find her at @ezmommsCali if you would like to see what she’s up to.

  And…

…..she’s also a little psychotic around 7pm each evening!! 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

Could YOU “choke” this sweet little thang??

 

     Looks simple, eh??

 

 

Apparently other animals can also be “clicker-trained”….

 

 

 

 

I bet you know what I was thinking, right??

Right-o!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

             

 

 

 

OUCH!!

Awesome video I’d like to share!  Let’s hope Cali can learn just as well!!

Brain Fogged

OMG…what a week, What.    A.    Week. 

My thoughts are scattered everywhere, from an issue I’m having with one of my home health aides to Lil Lady’s 4th birthday party that is to take place this Sunday.  But still, I’m going to try to jot down my weekly confessions for you, and link up with Glamazon for Friday Confessional.  You can also cleanse your soul by linking up here:

Here it goes:

I confess that when I found out one of my home health aides put her name on a checking account with one of our patients, I did not care that there had been no activity in that account.  I saw RED, probably as the aide was seeing GREEN.  Come on folks….I’m sorry, times are tough for everyone, but does this give you reason to possibly plan to take this 98 year old’s money as soon as you get the chance?  Are you that desperate that you would steal from a 98 year old 74 pound lady on Medicaid who told me her “life savings” was a mere $1200??  

Things like this make me SICK.  Shameful….

I confess that I had a bit of satisfaction as I talked to the nice lady at PNC Bank regarding this account.  She nicely helped me and my patient close the account, therefore leaving the home health aide no further access to this lady’s money.

You see, we all have choices to make.  What would yours be??

 

 

 

When I got up this morning, I did what I normally do.  First I went to the kitchen as quickly as I could while tripping over the puppy just so I can get my coffee before I peed my pants.  I poured the coffee.  Add Splenda to mine and regular sugar to the spouse’s.  I turn to throw out my emptied Splenda packet….and….ugh, the freakin garbage is overflowing.  I do not say a word because the spouse noticed and said he would take it out on his way to work.  I think he knew my blood was already starting to boil.  I was proud.  I felt that he was on top of it this morning.  I felt a sense of togetherness over the stinkin garbage  (insert angels humming).  I felt “as one” with the spouse.  We were once again on the same page.  

And then…..I kiss him goodbye quickly as I’m trying to finish my hair before the teen comes flying into the bathroom.  I’m a little irritated that nobody can wait just TWO MORE MINUTES for me to be done and out of the bathroom.  But hey…it’s ok….he’s gonna take out the trash….right??

Nope.  He forgot.  I confess that I really wanted to kick his ass, but alas, I did not.  I swallowed my anger, after sending him a few choice text messages, and took out the trash all the while tripping over the puppy.

I confess, and this is serious…..I am just not nice anymore.  Really.  I get so irritated over the silliest things.  And ya know how they tell you to not “hold it all in”….”let it out”….”you’ll feel better”…..Well, the problem is, when I tell people about these things that irritate the fuck out of me, they Just. Don’t. Get. It.

Like today, at the grocery store, I was waiting for this lady to pick out her eggs so I can get mine.  You know how you have to look through a few dozen to find a carton that has ALL intact eggs??

Well, yes….this lady was SLOW.  So damn slow I wanted to pelt her with a few eggs to get her to move a bit faster.  Come Onnnnn, Lady…..they are EGGS!!!   Open carton, oops, one is broke, pick another, oops, 2 broken….move, quick quick quick!!!  I confess that I was mumbling under my breath as she very carefully checked each and every egg in the 7 dozen she bought!!  Yes!!  7 dozen!!  Why????  Maybe if she ate more than EGGS she might be able to cluck around a little faster and won’t end up looking like THIS::

 

The only person that gets IT is my sister, Kat, over at 2010-Year of Miracles.  Yep.  And you know why?  Because she’s just as fucked up as I am!!!  I confess!!  I confess!!  This is the God’s Honest Truth!!!  Go!!  Go read her blog! 

I confess that when my Uncle responded to my email this morning and questioned the “type” of party I was having for Lil Lady, I was concerned.  Apparently I wrote that I was having a “beat” party.  He figured this was a typo, but then, what is a “BEET” party??  And if it IS a “BEET” party, he would love to be there as he is a vegetarian.

OMG…..Yep….thank you iPod Touch for correcting my spelling of

              “B-Day”

That wasn’t the only typo.  I also typed something about “Amy”….who the fuck is that??  I don’t know.  I think I meant “any”….

And I mentioned how people will be able to “meet” my dust bunnies at the party because it’s going to rain and we won’t be able to party outside.  Yes, I have dust bunnies, but I’m not worried about people MEETING them…I am worried about people SEEING them.

Shit!!  Then, I confess, I wondered if my stupid dimwitted iPod touch just fixed my spelling, or was I totally typing the incorrect words?  I realize my hands and my eyes are the last part of me to wake up in the mornings, and I’m usually always scatter-brained, but….

…this is a big BUTT…..

….If I was typing the wrong words, what pray tell is wrong with my fucking brain???  OMG….could it be tumorous?  Is it just a CLOT blocking one vessel…..yes, the vessel that knows how to type…..????  All kidding aside….

I really wonder if the ass would be ok if the chickens and I ate beets at the party…..

…………………………………

………………………………………………….

Ha!!  Gotcha!!  I KNEW what I was typing there…I was just checking to see if YOU were paying attention!!!

So, I confess, that amongst the other stressors in my life, I am thinking I need an MRI…or at least a CT scan or something. 

But, as usual, I will put that on the back burner with my inflamed hip joint, my knee that keeps buckling, the warts on my feet, the sharp abdominal pain that comes and goes, the frequent headaces…..

Yep…I’m just a barrel of good health….

…..and then some!!

And….by the way….if you would like to come MEET my dust bunnies, you are more than welcome.  I promise they will be on their best behavior and dressed in their Sunday best!!

Happy Weekend Everybody!!!

Seriously??

K….I haven’t participated in this one in a while, but as my life goes, I have quite a few What The Hell Moments.  Don’t you??  If so, go link up with the wonderful gals at Blue Monkey Butt!!  They also have moments like these, and they love to read about yours!!

 

 

So today I went to Steak-n-Shake for lunch.  Shhhhhhh…do NOT tell thy spouse!!  I swear, it’s only because I was starving, and I didn’t have breakfast or lunch and it was already 2pm…and I was starving!!  Oh…I already said that, didn’t I??  Anyways….I ordered a Frisco Melt, my usual….oh, ummm, wait, I don’t have a USUAL because ummm…yes, I never eat there.  Anywhoozle, the girl taking my order at the drive through sounded like she was like 14 years old or something. 

Now, mind you, a Frisco Melt is, by definition, one Steakburger topped with American cheese, another one is topped with Swiss.  Then comes a layer of Frisco sauce, and it’s all sandwiched between pieces of sourdough bread. 

 

The key words here people are FRISCO and SAUCE…making it a FRISCO MELT instead of just a fucking patty melt.  So, what does the 14-year-old-sounding-order-taker ask?? 

“Do you want Thousand Island Dressing on that?”

WTH??

Seriously…

WHAT

THE

HELL??

If I wanted a patty melt, I would have ordered a patty melt and NOT a Frisco Melt, right??

Oh, and she also asked if I wanted salt or ketchup packets “put in my sack”…..

First of all….Um…no!!!!   Don’t you think your fried steakburger and medium fries have enough sodium in them??  Yeah…I think so….not that I had fries or anything…

I’m just sayin.

Secondly, who the fuck calls your take out bag a “sack”??? 

Seriously….What the hell??

So, I drive on up after the long pause after I said no to the salt and ketchup packets being put in my SACK, and guess what??

The 14-year-old-sounding-order-taker was wearing a wedding ring.

WHA-WHAAA-AT???

So here I am feeling I have to be nice to her because this is probably her first day on her first job ever….and look…she’s married!!

And NOT 14.

 

Creepy……

Pretty eyes though….

 

GIMME THAT  SACK!!

What the freakin’ hell?? 

You’re NOT 14 and this is NOT your first job evahhh and you are probably more like 24 and I do not need to feel sorry for you because you probably spent your college money on those tattoos and piercings when you should have spent it on learning how to deal with people in general without sounding like a complete arse.

And ya know what else?  She told me to watch out because the “fries were fresh”.  What do you think she meant by this??  It couldn’t have been that they were JUST MADE fresh because by the time I got to the parking lot next to Steak-n-Shake, they were cold and wet-like….

Ewwww….what the soggy-fry HELL??

There ya have it….My What the Hell Moment in a nutshell.

I hope you all have some WTH moments, and then some!!  Go link up and enjoy!!

Kidnapped

Ahhh…some of you might think I have been kidnapped for the past week.  Some of you might think I’ve totally lost it considering my last post.  Some of you know better and have realized that my spouse was off work ALL LAST WEEK!!  Yep, that’s my reason for not blogging! 

Crazy??

Yes, I think so.

The funny thing is, I’m not sure WHY his being home disrupted my normal routine.  Yes, I was a wee bit more tired, but in his defense, I also worked a couple of night shifts which messed up my sleeping, so he can only be blamed for one particular day that I only got 3 1/2 hours of interrupted sleep after working the night shift.  Yes, I said BLAMED!! 

He should have kept the nearly 4 year old out of our room.  He should have not hollered at the cute little Cali puppy 15 thousand-kabillion times right outside our bedroom door. 

Oh don’t worry if he reads this…this is no secret.  He is well aware of the sleep I didn’t get.  Trust me.

Don’t get me wrong, I really really REALLY understand how hard it is to keep track of 2 toddlers and a puppy….I really do….but I kept reminding him that nobody forced him to take the week off.  It was his choice, for Pete’s Sake!!

Yes, Cali can be a handful.  She’s a puppy!!  She’s in to everything, she pees every time you turn your back, she chases the Little Man until she can sink her sharp puppy teeth into any part of his body.  She digs holes….and digs some more….we fill the holes with her puppy shit and she finds another spot to dig.  We fill that hole with her puppy shit, and she digs somewhere else….on and on and ON it goes.  This is one spot she has chosen to dig that we can’t put her shit into….

The Sandbox…

….then you have Little Man who loves to terrorize poor Cali.  He drags her by her leash, he pulls her tail…he even tried to pick her up by her ears!!  Fuck!!  That was it for me!!  Whew!!  Can you imagine taking your puppy into the emergency vet and having to explain why her left ear is nearly ripped off???  Shit!  That’s some scary stuff right there.  Seriously…can you say toddler jail???  I hope he can show some remorse…

Then you have Lil Lady who is the sweetest almost-four-year-old I know.  Yes, she is.  She didn’t even cause harm to Cali when Cali ate her very last binkie!!  Yesss!!  We are binkie free and I have to thank the spouse for his not paying attention to things for this one!!  Cuz you know….if *I* was home for the week, I would have made sure the binkie was safe from the puppy teeth because I would have been too afraid of how Lil Lady would react when her last binkie was eaten. 

She’s been fine.  She has mentioned it only a couple of times, but that is it.  Should have gotten a puppy when she turned 2!!  (not FOUR)  In fact, when I told her she needed to stop growing, she said, “But I’m almost 4!!  Four is big!!  Three is NOT!”  How smart she is!!

And of course, we have the teen.  Not that the spouse had to deal much with her until 3pm when she got home from school, but apparently that was also too much teen for him to cope with.  I’m thinking he feels she has some sort of vendetta against him.  I tell him to “walk a-way….just WALK A-WAY…..”  But he likes to get the last word in.

And so does she.

So I am the one that chooses to WALK the FUCK AWAY!!  Geesh!!  There is only so much of THAT I can take.

Don’t get me wrong, the spouse really does try (yes, Honey, I think you do) but he’s just not “The Mom”.  And we all know….well, us Mom’s know that we do it best, right??  I know the spouse feels less than adequate because of how I respond to him…in fact, just yesterday he said:

“Sometimes I think you feel I can’t do anything right.”

My response??

“Sometimes I don’t think you can.”

So, the positive aspect of this?? 

We FUCKING agreed!!   Wooooo hooooooo!!!

On that note…I really need to go pay attention to the Little Man who is no longer watching Sprout TV, but taking APART the DVD player with Daddy’s tools that somehow don’t get put back where they should!!

Happy Monday!!

Delayed Grief?

So, my late husband’s mother and brother have been in town for the past few weeks….

Yes, it is very difficult……

When my late husband was killed, I think I was in shock.  These things only happen in the movies….in really really BAD movies….not in MY life.

But it DID happen….and I WAS in shock.  I went about each day just doing what I had to do to get by.  I didn’t want to be around anymore but chose to muddle my way through for my daughter’s sake. 

 

It didn’t take long for me to learn who was truly a friend of “ours” and who was not.  It didn’t take long to know that my family would be there for me no matter what, and his family would be there to remind me of THEIR loss…and how awful it was for THEM…disregarding that it was *I* that lost the person that I had daily contact with….that I had planned a future with….that I had a child with…..

Then it was just two of us….

 

Of course I understand that his family suffered a loss too, but the one’s that made it into THEIR loss were the one’s that we would see on holidays….and not even talk with in between.  His mother and brother are the only ones that I can honestly say were there for me….despite their horrific loss too.  And to this day, they are the ones that I drop everything for when they come into town. 

And…..they are also the ones that it hurts so much to see leave….

And then….ohhhh, and THEN….I have the guilt on top of that hurt.  The guilt that I have moved on, and am I being unfaithful to my current spouse if I have these heart-breaking feelings of loss over my spouse just because his family is visiting? 

Orrrrr…have I been unfaithful to my late spouse all along since finding Pete and making a new life with 2 more beautiful children??

Which is it? 

This is where I get confused.  When I met Pete I felt I had to hide it from people.  I didn’t want to hear that it was “too soon”, or that I was being “disrespectful” for moving on before a specific period of mourning….

In hindsight….I wish someone would have said something…..although they might have, and I was too blinded by my grief to have heard them.  I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered what anyone said….I was moving on.  I was keeping busy.  I was trying to make a new life because the one I was planning was stripped away instantly on May 31, 2005. 

I think that is something that I have a habit of doing….keeping busy, physically and mentally, and the horrible thoughts, the hurtful feelings, the negativity, the GRIEF can’t catch me.

And NOW….my life is still busy.  It’s even more busy than it was before.  But as soon as I feel things start to calm a bit, I add something else that will prevent me from thinking too deeply or feeling too deeply…hence the new puppy.

The new puppy came just in time….as the late spouse’s mother and brother came for their visit.  The puppy has been a distraction, and the kids have not let my mother-in-law and I have even 2 minutes to really speak. 

Am I ok with this?  I thought I was.  Until my brother in law stopped one more time before he had to head back to Florida.  (my mother in law still has another week here)  When I gave my brother in law a hug goodbye….ohhh….the ache I felt inside.  It was unbearable.  It was like he was taking yet another piece of my late husband away with him…..But did I cry?  No…I did not.  Why?  Because I did NOT want Pete, my current spouse, to worry…to have doubts over my feelings for what I have now, as opposed to THEN.

You see….I DO miss the life I had.  And I refuse to feel guilty over that.  I just don’t want my husband to think I don’t value what we have….the fact is, the two cannot be compared.  Two different people…two different lives….

Just because I miss what I used to have doesn’t mean I am not okay with what has taken it’s place, right?  I mean, I have 3 beautiful children now instead of one.  They will have each other when Pete and I are old and gray and need THEM to take care of US.  (What??  One can hope, right??)

Sometimes I feel like people forget that Brian, my late spouse, and I did NOT divorce…..we did not separate by choice, we were separated by DEATH.  Oh, there is such a big difference.

The difference is…..when you divorce, go ahead and compare the two lives….say how horrible the previous life was….beat the shit out of the previous spouse’s character…THAT is all okay!!  But when death has been the cause?  Oh no….it’s not ok to do that.  It’s just NOT.  You have respect for what you had.  You don’t need to glorify it and say how perfect it was just because you are supposed to be respectful to the dead…no, it’s not that.  You need to be honest about it though.  And I can honestly say that what Brian and I had wasn’t perfect by any means, but if he were still alive today, I can pretty much bet that we would still be together.

So….just because I moved on, and it doesn’t matter how soon or not soon I did this, it doesn’t mean that what I had previously didn’t have meaning.

And maybe I didn’t give myself enough time to grieve…or….maybe I did.  I really don’t know.  I don’t know if I just kept busy with any distraction I could which prevented me from grieving…..or what?  Can one have delayed grief??  Is it even possible?

What I do know is that often times I find myself wondering how I got to where I am today.  I find myself analyzing if the choices I made were the best for me, or were they made for my daughter??   Did I make my choices with a clear mind?   Did I even take part in these decisions?  I look at my kids and think…how the hell did you get here, and WHEN??    Seriously….It seems that I am cloudy in my thinking sometimes…..and it can be very scary.

Pete and I are celebrating our 4th anniversary next week…..time sure does fly, doesn’t it?

We have come  a long way, yet….we have an even longer way to go.  There is no perfect marriage…..in the past, or the present….and that is ok too. 

It really is.

And here’s a video that hit close to home….not only because of the losses I’ve had, but because of the words….the same words I had put on Brian’s stone, yet….I try to recall these words as I live my life now. 

It’s really not the number of breaths in life you take, but the number of moments that take your breath away.

 

Here’s to all your breath-taking moments…and may there be plenty!!

Link up with Shell if you’d also like to “Pour Your Heart Out” today.