I am seriously concerned that I haven’t blogged for so long. All since starting my new job. Now….so much happens every single
horrendous day that I have no idea what to blog about because I really don’t want to ramble or anything like that, and I wouldn’t want to bore you, and well, yeah….I can be long-winded…Oh, puh-leeease, yes, I can…..
Anyrambling…here goes it….
Do I blog about how my house is infested with germs? You know the kind…the ones that make toddlers’ noses drain constantly with snot, or the ones that make Little Man have explosive diarrhea….or the ones that made me lay in bed last Friday evening moaning and groaning and chanting the mantra “I will not puke I will not puke I will not puke”. Yeah, THOSE germs. I have just about had it with illness. Seems that every other week one of us has some sort of bug…and that does not include the bug that seems to be up the spouse’s ass….
OOOOOHHHHHH For PETE’S SAKE!! I’m kidding you!! I would be the one with the bug up MY ass!! You got it….I’m sick. Sick and tired of shit in my house. Every where I look there is shit. Stacks and stacks upon stacks of SHIT! Should I blog about that? Nahhh….who gives a flying shit?? Apparently nobody that lives here.
Shall I blog about my last on-call weekend? The one where the new nursing supervisor called me, the “Nurse Manganger…
cough cough..On-Call”, telling me he needs help hanging the TPN for the one patient.
Ok….at first, no big deal other than he JUST took the bag of TPN out of the fridge at 11pm (when he decided to call for assistance), and it should have been out of the fridge warming up at 8pm cuz you don’t infuse COLD fluids eh-vahhh….go figure, 3 hours late already.
I politely (because that’s me, PO-lite) ask his possibly foreign self if I could talk him through mixing the TPN over the phone and then hanging it. You see, you have to mix other things into the primary mixture….like vitamins and sometimes insulin. He said, “um….no, Ma’am……….” Wha-WHAAAT??? Hold it right THERE, Fucker! Did you just call me “MA’AM”???? K…this is already not going well.
Regardless, I ignore the fucking “ma’am” comment (because I am more mature than that) and let him continue…He says, “No, Ma’am, I tink you need to come een an show me. It will be en educatin for me.”
Oh, Mr. In Need of an Education…..YOU should be fully educated at this point since YOU have had plenty of orientation, and YOU already have your nursing license, do you not???
Seriously? My first thought was ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
I tell him I will call him back shortly since we have to wait for the TPN to warm up any ways,
you fucking jerk!
I tell my husband what this guy just said….His response??
Me….nope…no kidding here, honey bun.
I call MY supervisor to
ask what the fuck kind of nurses she is hiring ask for direction. Her response?
Me…Chuckling a bit now.
I text my sister who now works with me at my wonderful place of employment because
I am training her for a marathon I sort of coerced her a bit….
Her response via text?
I kid you not! I was rolling on the god-damn floor at this point! I’ve never heard “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??” so many times in just a few short minutes!!
I text my other supervisor because she always has some sort of plan up her sleeve, cuz she rocks like that. Her response??
You got it!!
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???”
Ahhhhhhhahahahahahaha! At this point I start looking for the hidden camera because I am damn certain I am on Candid Camera because there is NO fucking WAY this is happening to me at ELEVEN PM on a SATURDAY night when all good girls and boys should be in bed!!!
All in all, it ended well. I didn’t need to go educate the fucker because we had an LPN at the facility that really needs to be an RN, and she was able to talk him through it.
I could also blog about some of the call-offs I received that weekend. Some of the reasons people call off are truly amazing. For one thing, if it’s something really personal….are you gonna come right out and say WHAT it is?? This is what I mean…
“I’m calling off because I am mentally not stable to work. I have a lot of things going on. I was raped and robbed this weekend and I’m working through it.”
Me: Oh…ummm…Ok, honey…you take care of yourself…..
“I won’t be in to work today because my chest hurts. Well, not my chest…it’s not chest pain or anything like that. It’s….well….ok, it’s my titty. Yes, I have pain in my titty.”
Me: Holy fucking hell….that sounds serious. Did you say, TITTY??
Honestly…if I had pain in MY titty…I would NOT report it as my reason to call off…I think I might say I am ill. That. Is. All.
After several call-offs, my response resembled THIS….
La-La-La!! I can’t HEAR YOU!!
We now have a new slogan at my work-place. On that following Monday, our “management team” put our heads together and this is what we came up with…..we even made buttons promoting it….
What do YOU think?
Seriously…I love my job, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!