Mr. Sake here. My turn again……
I HATE CHANGE!!! I’m not talking about the jingly coins floating around in my front pocket here, I’m talking about new circumstances – as in The-Times-Are- A- Changin’ kind of change. There are very few times I have been thrilled with change. The day my Lady and I became Mister and Misses - that was awesome! The days each of our younger ones were born – exceptional. The day I got my new shiny yard tractor – ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!!
(Insert eye-roll from Mrs. Sake)
The change that bugs me involves my being a creature of habit. I like stuff to stay just the way it is, the way that I am used to. I want to be able to traverse my life with my eyes closed, knowing exactly what’s coming next. The reality is that with my eyes closed I have gotten a few (several ….. hundred) deep bruises. (I tell him to WATCH OUT on a daily basis, but…..)
CHANGE. I love my old cell phone. So I took the big step and got a new one – same brand, newer “better” model. AHEM. Hack-hack. Excuse me, had to clear my throat. (He’s been whining all day about not being able to figure it out. Shhhhhh….I promised not to tell.)
CHANGE. My hair is not turning grey – IT’S TURNING FLIPPIN’ LOOSE!!!! Enuf said. (Silence from Mrs. Sake…)
CHANGE. WE’RE OUT OF COFFEE!!!!!!! (NEXT TIME PUT IT ON THE LIST!!!!)
CHANGE. The kids are growing. They are becoming less/more dependent on me. No more diapers (good change). Cleaning the bathroom every two hours due to poor aim – yep – bad change. (Now if we can teach Mr. Sake how to aim we’ll be in business!)
CHANGE. The Tween becomes a teen – bad bad bad bad bad! Makeup, hair, BOYFRIEND! Not in this house, girly! (Mrs. Sake nixed my idea right away) :)
CHANGE. WHO MOVED MY HAT???!!!!! (It’s on your head…just saying….)
CHANGE. New office assistant at work – the owner’s sister - bad change. I’ve been here 14 years lady. You are an ASS-istant. I am upper-level management. GET OUTTA MY FACE!
CHANGE. Kids go from tricycles to bicycles …….. Where’s the first-aid kit?
CHANGE. Wife gets new job (#2 in six months) - with new hours…….. Where’s MY first-aid kit?
CHANGE. WHY DO I HAVE TO KEEP MY JACKET IN THE CLOSET???!!!!!! (I say he’s lucky to HAVE a closet….)
CHANGE. WallyWorld remodels into a super-store. I can’t even find the damn light bulbs!!!
CHANGE. DAWN DISH SOAP IS THE BEST – WAYYYYYY BETTER THAN THIS CRAP!!!!!
CHANGE. The Teen wants to try new stuff, every fad, experience more – but doesn’t want to try washing the dishes. Maybe it’s the soap.
CHANGE. The four year old becomes part of the house administration. She’s got a quicker wit than me. (Did I tell you the one where Mr. Sake had to go for an MRI due to “mental status changes”??? Teeheehee!!!)
CHANGE. My knees are killing me. What do you mean arthritis? You got your medical degree where? Cracker Jack?
CHANGE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NOT YOUNG ANY MORE???!!!!! (MRI #2?)
CHANGE. The recliner is mine. Get your teenage ass off it and find somewhere else to speed-text.
CHANGE. Who used my last razor? WTF? How the hell am I supposed to maintain my dignity after shaving with a PINK one?? (I say, “Suck it Up, Fuzzy Face!”)
CHANGE. WE’RE OUT OF COFFEE!!! (Oh dear Lord…wasn’t this already mentioned? Put it on the fucking list already!)
…..and yes, pocket change is bad too. Pocket change means we’re spending money we really shouldn’t. More potential debt. Bad change. (Retail Therapy)
And by the way…don’t you think for one second that I didn’t notice the CHANGES that Mrs. Sake made to this post. How could I not? They are purple! Geesh! What do you think I am? An idiot???
~ Mr. Sake
A-hem….does anyone see COFFEE on the list??? I thought not.
~ Mrs. Sake