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Friday, June 24, 2011

What Did You Say???

Well, since I don’t have a wholelotta time, I figured I would join in with Sippy Cups Are Not for Starbucks  and give you a taste of MY : 

 

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Sitting here trying to think while listening to Little Man and Little Lady play Mario Kart on the Wii….it’s rather distracting.  In fact, everything is rather distracting lately.  I blame my current employment situation since I am being pulled in every direction there.  Unfortunately, I have 4 more days there at their beck and call.  I’m hoping to come out of there without any BLOOD STAINS. 

This week I turned 44.  You heard me…..Forty-fucking-FOUR!  Is that a crock of shit or what??   It’s really puzzling for me to even THINK of myself NEAR fortyfuckingfour because I still have a couple of THESE to raise….

 

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That’s Little Man, and he’s three.  I also have a 4 year old and a 13 year old that will be 14 next week!!

Ok, go ahead…say it….What the fuck was I thinking???

I wasn’t.

Add my 44-and-three-quarter-year-old spouse (yes, he’s much older than I) that acts like he’s TWO most of the time and you get one crazyass fourtyfuckingfour year old lady!!

I’ve also recently started a low-carb….

Wait…let me pause and say the two year old mentioned above is editing my blog while I am typing….No, not Little Man, I would be referring to my spouse…..

 

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As I was saying….I’ve also recently started a low-carb diet.  It’s really not so bad eating pepperoni…..pork rinds….cheese……although it’s a little worrisome since I have my nursing background and I KNOW the sodium and the fat and the sodium….oh, and the SODIUM….did I mention the sodium???  I know it’s not good for me.  BUT…here’s the thing…I’m not swelling up at all like before.  How the fuck does the body work anyways???

 

My Little Man got a bruise on his cheek at the sitter’s this week.  I was pissed.  I asked him what happened and he said one of the other kids squeezed his cheeks and said, “you can’t have any gum!”  It really wasn’t making sense and I was getting even more ticked off so I asked his sister.  Hell, she’s four, she knows everything, right?  She looks at me and says, “Mackenzie squeezed his face like a guppy!!” 

 

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Ouch.  Seriously??

 

What’s up with that?  When I asked the sitter, she had no idea it even happened and that pissed me off even more than my son being made into a guppy.   Who doesn’t notice THIS?

 

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Oh Dear Lord….on top of the guppy incident, Little Man has been saying something that sounds similar to “Fuck”…or “Fucky fucky fuck”…..could be “truck”, “trucky trucky truck”??  “Ducky duck”??  Oh please….tell me it isn’t so.    In fact, I think it just came out of his mouth 2 seconds ago.  I did a  180 in my chair and I was ready  for battle….

 

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And at that very moment…the four year old that knows it all, from squeezing faces like guppies, to when to say “I love you, Mom”…..she says, as if she is only informing us because we don’t always understand what Little Man is saying…yes, she says,

“I think he said fuck again.”

Straight faced.

Just stating a fact.

Lilli-OMG-dont-ever-say-that-again-OMG-that-is-a-very-very-VERY bad word!!!  (I think I’m having palpitations)

“I love you, Mom.”

I love you, too, Lil.

And this is when I decided….I am NOT up for Mother-of-the-Year once again.  Fuck.

Big sigh.

4 comments:

Steph @ Thoughts From Cali said...

The no carb diet is the only thing that allows me to loose weight. I try to drink at least 64oz of water daily so that helps with the high sodium. Whats up with the babysitter not noticing the bruise, I think I would have major issues.

Kat said...

How big were the girl's fingers who squeezed his cheeks like guppy?? GOD! I would go to the sitter, squeeze HER cheeks like a guppy and ask, "NOW do you have something to tell me??" Fuck!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

First, I love sodium...love it.

Second, I'm not winning MOTY either b/c my son prefers "facefuck." Then my daughter comes over to tell me that he's saying "facefuck" and I just about want to die.

Danifred said...

The winning moment here lately was when my two year old yelled "God Damn It" after the dog peed on the floor. Score one for mother of the year.
I give you permission to guppy some kid upside the head at the sitters.