Monday, September 28, 2009
So, now you might have guessed that I have some stress in my life with the husband and 3 kids....so you might also have guessed that I have NOT lost the last bit of baby weight. Oh really? Really!! Go figure! Up until now I have not had the patience or the sanity to plan out a days meals, or to walk on the treadmill (without a child getting stuck underneath). I haven't had the motivation to even want to LOOK in the mirror. I DO know that the clothes I want to wear do not fit the way they should. I have a pair of size 6 jeans that I keep saying I'm going to fit into again....one day.
I've joined Weight Watchers only to lose 9 pounds and gain 8....so I stopped going. Yep, I'm a quitter! I've joined many sites that might help me stay motivated, but yet have found one to succeed in doing just that. Here's my most recent attempt at getting motivated: Body After Baby
It's a "challenge" they say....a CHALLENGE!! This "challenge" is hosted by Samantha at Mama Notes Yes, it definitely is going to be a challenge. But I am going to try. I WILL stay motivated. I WILL NOT get obsessed, but will be proactive!! lol....I'm sounding crazy now. Actually, I'm just trying to boost myself up so that I can DO this!
When I first met Pete I was at a good weight. I imagine how he feels when he looks at me now....when he gives me a hug and feels the extra rolls of fat on my back! OMG! I have back fat!! I've never had back fat...other than when I was pregnant, but you're supposed to have it then! It's not like I was ever model perfect, but I was at a good weight before I got pregnant with the last two cave-people. But, you see, it took me almost 8 years to get there, and I don't want to wait another 8 years!!
My daughter says I don't need to lose weight....she's my 74 pound 12 year old....with her skinny little Barbie body, and it means alot to me to hear her say that. On the other hand, my 3 year old likes to squish into my very un-tone abdomen and giggle about the "squishy-ness". Great...just great....
My body is falling apart. I've been to the doc who instructs me to lose weight, walk everyday, eat only whole foods which means nothing processed. I wonder what he eats?? I wonder if he has time to walk every day. That is probably where he was when I called to say "hey doc, I'm losing my mind!" and I get a message back saying "he wants you to make an appointment".
Anyways, back to the weight loss issue. I am going to try this challenge although I am so not looking forward to having any before and after pics posted. I will do it, I will live through the humiliation. After all, if I don't succeed, no body really knows me on that site, right? Nobody would even miss my before and after pics if I never sent them....I just wouldn't win a prize. Ohhhh and I love prizes!!
So far this week, I've been on the treadmill once and walked a mile. Yes, ONE mile. Stop, I can hear you snickering..... It's a start, for Pete's sake! Gotta give me credit!
This week I am increasing my water intake. That alone is a big challenge for me. I always get an ice water with my White Chocolate Mocha, unfortunately I drink the mocha and the water is only half gone. This week I have to take a drink of water before a sip of the mocha. Eventually I'll give up the mocha, but not yet. No no no, I am not that good!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
While downstairs I could not hear the 12 year old whining, or the 3 year old crying, or the 18 month old snoring :) All I could hear was the DAD.
I tried to decipher what was happening. The 12 year old was in the tub, the DAD was in the hallway hollering, the 3 year old was in the dining room wanting to paint, and the little boy was snoring.....
I thought the 12 year old got caught doing something horrible. So horrible that the Dad had to confront her immediately....that he couldn't wait for her to be out of the tub. This must be serious, I thought. Did my "baby" get caught smoking??? Did she tell a lie?? Did she fail a test??? What happened to cause such an uproar from the Dad?? And why wasn't he paying more attention to the 3 year old?
It was 9pm....bedtime for the oldest had been set for 9:30 earlier that evening. She was to be IN BED at 9:30pm....no later than 9:30 pm.....do you all hear me? or him?? He says 9:30 and means it. Night after night of arguing about bedtime has brought him to this point.
So, I say, she's hasn't been caught drinking? smoking? or worse?? The dad says no, he just wants her out of the tub, now, and that's it.
Now....tell me people, is all this yelling necessary?? Do we have to act like the world is coming to an end because the tween is not listening....she's begging to have more time in the tub? Is this REALLY NECESSARY?? Can't we all just get along? Can't we pick our battles?? For Pete's sake, can't we just let the kid have a few more minutes in the tub even if it means you are not in control of her every move, and that she is taking over the household...because that's what it means, right? When we give in a little and let the kids have some leeway....it means they are controlling US...and we don't like that...no sireee we do NOT like that. WE want the control...and when we lose it, we TOTALLY lose it.
Seriously now...in all honesty, I feel we need to take a step backwards. We need to let our children be who they are, let them grow to be individuals, let them express themselves respectfully....cherish them. No one is going to grant our requests to have a "do-over". The bottom line, our children didn't ask to be here...we brought them here and it's our job to show them how they can be beautiful people.....not how to yell, and fight, and be mean, and control one another. All kids need is love....and it's up to us, as parents, to give it to them. After all, they give it to us, UNCONDITIONALLY, just because we are who we are.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Our little Lillianna Grace was born in September, and she is a blessing. I truly thought Brianna was going to be my only child. Speaking of Brianna, she was absolutely thrilled with having a little sister. And to this day, she loves her to pieces!
I should back up a little....when I found out I was pregnant, I did the nice thing and told Pete he didn't have to stick around...No! Really!! I was serious! I wasn't going to be accused of trapping ANYBODY!! He chose to stay around, and in fact, asked me to marry him. Again I said WHAT?? Things were moving way too fast....and they still are, but I know right from wrong....I'm not uneducated...really, I'm not!! We got married in August, less than a month before Lilli came into our lives. Shotgun wedding?? Not exactly, but my Dad was pleased and the Mayor was a friend of the family so it didn't seem all that impersonal.
From the day I saw Lilli's little face, I knew there was someone "up there" looking out for me. Maybe it was my late husband not wanting me to be alone?? or maybe it was my Mom who I lost just 8 months prior to losing my husband?? I don't really know...but I am blessed. Of course that's not what I was thinking when I saw this again....
.......and Emmanuel James was on his way....11 months after Lilli....Oh For Pete's Sake!! You have GOT to be kidding me!! Blessed?? Maybe it WAS my late husband saying "so there!!" or my Mom saying "haven't you learned your lesson??" Oh well, whoever it is, I'm OVER it! For Pete's sake, I'm an adult...I can handle it!! Pete, on the other hand, is probably still wondering what the hell was he thinking the day he sent me a message on Yahoo....never thinking his life would be a whirlwind of step-parenting battles to biological baby battles....Hands together for Pete, he does the best he can!!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Pete entered my life when I thought I was at my very lowest point. I had lost my former husband in a freak accident involving his four-wheeler. It was just my daughter and I from that moment on. My late husband’s family was around at first but then slowly went their own way. I can’t blame them, it wasn’t up to them to make sure I was ok. I was the only one that was going to be able to make sure I was ok as well as my daughter. Friends that my former husband and I had together also went on to live their own lives. Well, most of them did, except for one. To this day, this friend is the one I know will always be there. (even if it takes her a while to answer her texts!!) So, what did I do? I resorted to online chat rooms and browsing the internet. Yep, you guessed it! I met Pete through Yahoo!! OMG!! How irresponsible!! Yep! That was me! But ya know what? It turns out that Pete lived just about in the next city from me. We had been to some of the same hang-outs. We clicked immediately in chat. He could finish my sentences as well as I could. It took us a couple of months to finally meet in person.
Of course it was "dangerous" and "reckless" to plan to meet with someone that I really didn't know that much about other than what he told me in chat. He could have been some psycho-killer, or a rapist, or God knows what, but he wasn't.....he was just Pete. Or "peteleft" which is what his yahoo screen name was. I recall a message he sent me before we met that just said "peteleft on yahoo"....and at this time I was slow at responding to his messages. I had alot going on since at that time I was a single parent, so I didn't always get back to him to answer his messages. I was interested in him, but still, parenting came first. So, when I got the message that just said "peteleft on yahoo" I thought...the hell he did!! I thought he was telling me he was done with me...that he wasn't going to waste his time on someone that was too busy to answer his messages!! OMG! I didn't realize that was his screenname!! That specific message was an eye-opener for me. I figured if I wanted to ever get out of the rut I was in, I better at least put some effort into it!
We made a plan to meet for coffee...my favorite. I was stingy and gave him 30 minutes of my time. I figured, if it was a bad idea for meeting then 30 minutes would be perfect. As it turns out, I wish we had more time!! But I made sure I had something to do, like pick up my daughter, so I HAD to leave.
When we left there, I knew I wanted to see him again. I was hoping he’d feel the same, and this was confirmed when he ASKED me for a HUG in the parking lot!! OMG! How cute was that?? It was THAT specific hug that made me realize that this wasn’t just going to be a fling….there was something there between us from the very beginning. For Pete’s Sake, the Man loves coffee as much as I do!!!